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Only me who start crying when someone asks for face reveal?

No one gonna read this anyways but I just need to talk about it anyways, every second, every minute, every hour, every morning and night and every day is a torture, I haven't felt a touch of a woman in two years and I just wish I found someone, someone who See's the actual me and understands me and will not leave me even if I'm ugly, I been ugly in my entire life, been bullied and beaten up for my looks, I hate couple's and all that because I am jealous because I know I cant have that, i just want love but it's impossible, every day hatred grows stronger and my thoughts of ending it have also been stronger, im a harmless person towards others, I could never hurt others but I'd definitely hurt myself, I see no point of living if I can't find someone who'll actually love me, I have only been hated, hated by classmates and family and random people on the street and on online, I hope someone reads this and can relate and would definitely be my friend.

not only is this a torture to go to school but everyone be dragging about having sex like stfu, life is just pure torture I hate how every guy get female attention but not me, last time I could feel a female touch was two years ago, and not only that but all the Swedish girls are the same, I hate it in Sweden but what if I just can't find pure love? I wake up just wishing to sleep, when it's light out I wish it to be dark out, every time I feel happiness and realize I feel happiness I don't feel happy no more, I have no friends irl and I can't make females look at me, ever since I can remember I been bullied and beaten up, I can't go out anymore, being close or even seeing others are too much for me at this point, every day I'm on my way to school and see a beautiful girl so do I feel paranoia and my chest hurt, the only attention I actually get from females are grown up females on online but now even grown women don't want me, and it made me think every night, what actually exist after death? I don't want a hell nor a heaven, I want it to be nothing, and it made me wonder if it would be better if it would be better to be 100% nothing than just 50% nothing? I wonder if it exist a female or a male that have it the exact same as me, would be nice to have a friend that understands me, I can't tell my parents because they think I'm a mental ill guy who needs more meds but the meds never helped me feel better, I'll never feel better tills I feel connected with society but I will never feel connection, I will forever hide in my room and just wish, somewhere in this cruel world maybe it exist someone who can relate and would be friends :(

Every day my anger and hatred and disgust grows but I can't help it, I tried to get help but they just gave me meds that didn't work but I know how to handle it but my family thinks I can't when I have proven that I can handle it :(