good morning, i’m making myself dizzy first thing in the morning thinking about waking up next to a partner whose hayfever is active from the moment they wake up
waking up slowly to the sound of them muffling sneezes into the blankets. they’ve rolled away from you, stifling as quietly as possible and trying not to move too much so as not to wake you with their persistent fit even though you’ve assured them that this is your favorite thing to wake up to.
once you’re up, you reach for them to pull them closer, and as soon as they know you’re awake, they turn towards you, sniffling and whining, relieved that they don’t have to hold back these tickly sneezes anymore. they bury their twitching nose into your neck, clinging to you, asking if it’s okay if they sneeze on you, to which you say “of course, love.”
cuddled up all soft in bed with your red-nosed, sneezy partner hitching against your skin, shuddering in the safety of your arms as you stroke a soothing hand down their back. the first dozen words you whisper into their hair every morning is a series of adoring “bless you”s.
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I have been sneezing ALL. DAY. I’ve almost averaged one fit like this per hour 🤧😵💫🌾🌳 <- not accurate representations of what’s making me sneeze right now but CLOSE ENOUGH 😩🤭
hello and welcome to a completely unscientific shitpost featuring a selected list of what I am deeming to be:
extremely snzfucker-coded plant species
aka plants from around the world that are either onto us (or one of us)
please do not reblog to non-snz blogs // Minors DNI (18+ blog)
Hi, I'm Leni and you may remember me from the post I wrote titled the snzfucker's guide to the snziest plants. I'm a plant ecologist and snzfucker (and generally just a huge nerd) and while this post will be based in facts, I'm about to be deeply unserious and mildly chaotic, so please enjoy. Or scroll on by if that's not your thing.
In this post you'll be introduced to:
Longleaf Pine (used to treat colds AND fight allergies - she's doing the most)
Pampas Grass (the feather duster of the plant kingdom with a kinky backstory)
Q-tip Tree (you'll understand why when you see it, I promise)
Handkerchief Tree (yes, that's the actual common name)
California Tree Poppy (aka the used Kleenex flower)
Let's dive in!
Longleaf Pine
Alright, first up we have Pinus palustris, commonly known as the Longleaf Pine that, by all appearances, seems to have evolved specifically for inducing. The dried leaves (needles) of this species have long been used for treating colds and other respiratory ailments, as they are high in Vitamin C and also acts as an expectorant (thinning mucous/clearing congestion). Dried leaves can be brewed into an herbal tea that is often mixed with peppermint and other beneficial, cold-soothing herbs.
Fun fact: Extracts of its pollen are widely used as the standard for pine allergy testing and immunotherapy in the United States. While many plants in the Pine family produce highly allergenic pollen, this particular species is less allergenic than its relatives, as its pollen is heavier and tends to drop to the ground instead of being light and easily airborne.
snzfucker rating: 10/10. This plant has it all, including cold + allergy lore + pine needles that are safe to induce with which truly just look like they've evolved specifically for that purpose. what? who said that?!??
Pampas Grass
Next up we have Cortaderia selloana or Pampas Grass. The resemblance to a feather duster is, well…do I even need to go on? Well, I'm going to go on an anyway. It's also an extremely allergenic, wind-pollinated grass. Ever seen comments of plants with people saying "haha wow even this photo made me sneeze"? Yeah, well, this plant is the perfect candidate for whatever...that is.
Fun fact: This widely cultivated and once popular garden plant was the subject of a kink-related urban legend dating back to the 1970s following claims that those who planted it in their front yards were identifying as a swinger household. As a result, its popularity plummeted - because people were afraid to plant it in their yards! Which, in my opinion, is good outcome, as this species is often highly invasive outside its native range (...I can neither confirm nor deny that this rumor was initially started by conservationists/ecologists).
snzfucker rating: 9/10. bonus points for being the feather duster of the plant kingdom + having kink lore + being extremely allergenic... but I've subtracted several points because, well, we hate invasive species in this house, folks.
Q-Tip Tree
Next on the list is Clerodendrum quadriloculare aka the Q-Tip Tree. I don’t think I have to elaborate on why this made the list. I think y'all should just look at the photo and nod along with me.
Fun fact: This species is a member of the mint (Lamiaceae) family, believe it or not! Many members of this plant family have invasive tendecies when introduced outside their native range. It's also known as the 'Starburst Bush' which is a pretty groovy name, in my opinion. Obviously, I'm going to stick with the alternative Q-Tip Tree.
snzfucker rating: 7/10. Its definitely got some "👀" qualities... if you know what I mean.
Handkerchief Tree
Yes, seriously. Davidia involucrata is known as the Handkerchief Tree because of its white bracts that flutter in the breeze like pinched handkerchiefs. Again...do I need to elaborate?
Fun fact: This plant takes up to 10 years to flower after planting! Well worth the wait, in my opinion. It's native to the woodlands of southern China and prefers... moist/wet conditions...😈 ...no, seriously, it does. I'm not just shit-posting here. Well I am, but...this is genuinely true.
snzfucker rating: 8.75/10. It's freakin' called the handkerchief tree, y'all. Spectacular. No notes.
California Tree Poppy
Last but not least we have Romneya coulteri aka the California Tree Poppy which bears such a remarkable resemblance to used tissues that folks will often post photos to gardening/flower-related Facebook groups asking others to help identify “this flower that looks like a bunched up Kleenex.”
Fun fact: This plant is native to California, and has the largest petal width of any wildflower in California! Plus, it smells very sweet - remarkably like apricots.
snzfucker rating: 8/10. Any plant that resembles a crumpled tissue is pretty darn snzfucker-coded if you ask me. Want to imagine your fav sneezing into a flower? This might be the ideal one!
🌾 🌼 🌲
I hope you enjoyed this silly little post. Feel free to reply/reblog with your thoughts/alternative ratings. I'll be back soon with another post about plants that have been used throughout history to treat colds and all the snience (snz science, hehe) behind it! 😊
I have been sneezing ALL. DAY. I’ve almost averaged one fit like this per hour 🤧😵💫🌾🌳 <- not accurate representations of what’s making me sneeze right now but CLOSE ENOUGH 😩🤭
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I’ve been feeling a little rundown lately and I think it’s starting to catch up to me. Endlessly thankful for @closetsnzbian using her stern voice and telling me to take a day off. Woke up sounding like this today and looking forward to going right back to sleep. 🥱🤧
daydreaming about a female plague demon (who obviously has the kink, duh) chuckling as she holds down a victim and kiss them on the nose, and the victim immediately starts hitching as they feel the magical infection spreading across their sinuses.
…so, I swap out my bedding weekly and this has never happened before… something about pulling the comforter off the bed last night clearly kicked up something in my bedroom… 😵💫🤧
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So, fun fact, this is actually the second part of this 🤧 fit from January. I had kept it private because the tiny-sneeze-immediately-followed-by-loud-uncontrollable-sneeze pairing between 00:47-01:14 has always felt particularly… well, it’s a bit *much* for me. It doesn’t happen often but, when it does, it almost feels indecent (???) because I don’t typically lose control of myself that way so I feel super exposed and a bit self-conscious about sharing it 😅🫣
So, fun fact, this is actually the second part of this 🤧 fit from January. I had kept it private because the tiny-sneeze-immediately-followed-by-loud-uncontrollable-sneeze pairing between 00:47-01:14 has always felt particularly… well, it’s a bit *much* for me. It doesn’t happen often but, when it does, it almost feels indecent (???) because I don’t typically lose control of myself that way so I feel super exposed and a bit self-conscious about sharing it 😅🫣
A couple months ago I had a weekend to myself and did a bunch of recording for a.....project I was working on for my beloved @thesecrowdedstreets (go listen to her, people - she's incredible <- click that link, trust me 🤩😍) and I completely forgot until I saw this reblog from her that I did an entire set of recordings of just stifles.
she says these stifles should be heard, so here they are. I think we have all the flavors of stifle covered here - these are chronological as they were recorded over two days. starts out on the quieter side, ends much more forcefully as I was pretty much at the end of my usefulness inducing-wise by the end of the weekend and it took some effort to get those last ones across the finish line.
Minors DNI; please do not repost to non-snz blogs (remember: if you are a non-snz blog, I will most likely block you - it's nothing personal, I promise)
Did anyone else grow up traumatized by family game night because of this cursed af board game?
You roll the dice by pulling on the rubber nose (oh yeah, his name is Mr. Nose by the way 🙃) -- in fact, what does the back of the box say?
"He's so much fun to play with that you'll want to pull his nose over and over again."
and oh! btw!! your player piece is a fucking nose.
The goal is to be the first player to get your nose to the top level of the board game to complete the face, but wait -- what happens when you land on the colored squares on the board?
...YEAH! YOU READ THAT RIGHT!!!! SNEEZE: send your opponent back to the start 🫠
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I wasn’t planning on sharing this much of my voice (not that it’s much let’s be real) on snzblr ever, but this was one of the few times I was actually able to somewhat successfully talk during a fit without losing the snzes along the way (I think because I was equally distracted by trying not to die in game 😅)
I recorded this last year during a particularly 🤧-y week in September. Listening back to it now though really makes me want to try inducing while gaming 👀
I wasn’t planning on sharing this much of my voice (not that it’s much let’s be real) on snzblr ever, but this was one of the few times I was actually able to somewhat successfully talk during a fit without losing the snzes along the way (I think because I was equally distracted by trying not to die in game 😅)
I recorded this last year during a particularly 🤧-y week in September. Listening back to it now though really makes me want to try inducing while gaming 👀
