SCRAPYARD.BLOG

this stupid fear of destitution and low social status that our parents instilled in us is so debilitating sometimes. you could argue its motivating but it also keeps me up and distracted at night and impairs compassionate action.

someone thought to give an ego to all the flesh and neurons we call the human race. now i sit around worrying about being remembered, about the passage of time, about what happened to us as a kid, about being loved. one has to wonder it was worth being able to stand upright and throw spears. i worry about all the other collections of meat throwing me to the side, leaving me to starve and my bits of brain flesh all over the concrete, sad and sopping and drying to death in the sun. i know i would do the same in a heartbeat. chicken or the egg. do i worry about being cared about because i know i dont? or did something inside of me shut off at some point?

the world belongs to the ambitious...

i sit here and mourn the innocent, happy little boy we should have been.

been feeling like shit lately... trying to sleep with this headache, and the back pain when lying down made it difficult to get rest. probably a cold since turning off the airconditioner helped. have i been dissociated enough to not notice smaller issues until they got bigger? anyway, right now im confident we can perform well today, at least.