brown is the warmest color

one of my innocent fantasies: me making out with that one teacher that wants my ass at an local event. probably in a bathroom. my baby (teacher crush) busting into us. she is flustered. but she watches me. kissing, grabbing on her colleague. i lock eyes with her. she leaves the bathroom. 2 days later i get a drunk text from her admitting that she wanting it to be her. wanted me to grab and kiss HER like that.

my female teacher is gonna be the death of me. she is so fucking tempting. she knows so damn well that i want her and she plays with it. she is the devil. she knows exactly how to play with me.

I just had the most amazing days with a few of my teachers. We celebrated together. They showed me so so so so so much love. I feel so happy, safe and appreciated around them - like I actually matter. Now the weekend is over and I feel empty. I miss them. I miss the love I got to experience. The love I never got as a kid. It was beautiful. Perfect even. But the hole i'm in now is just so cold and lonely.

I still long for her and I probably always will.

Everytime I hear her say "My Partner" in my head, my stomach drops.

today i found out that my female teacher crush since 2019 has a partner. i am happy for her - i really am. but i also so unbelievably in shock and so so jealous.

I've been offered a sexual relationship with one of my former teachers. No joke. Still in shock.

Seeing her makes me so happy but realizing that I will never have her breaks my heart. I can literally feel it break a little bit whenever I think about it. I want her so bad.

I really want to be done with her. I don't want to see her anymore. I don't want to get my fucking hopes up FOR NOTHING. I just feel humiliated by myself.

Dreamt about her the whole night and she was so sweet and so so beautiful.