Thats not a solution, that's arson!

Yesterday, I was at dinner with some friends and briefly forgot Harrison Ford’s name, but I was like, “His name is a president and a car,” which is how we got such acceptable alternatives as McKinley Camry, Van Buren Gremlin, Clinton Infinity, and Range Rover Cleveland.

Lincoln Lincoln

Turning dog gravity off so they all get whisked away

You gotta be really publicly passionate about things if you want your friends to text you. Bc people will forget to text you because they’re human. But if you’re really openly the friend who loves identifying ants your friends will think of you when they see ants. And they’ll text you “what ant is this [blurry photo]”. And then they’ll ask you how you’ve been and we should get coffee sometime. But if they don’t know what you love they’ll never know what you like

And then when the ant convention is in town they’ll be like dude… we should go to the ant convention. But they would never think to go if they didn’t know u loved ants

And sometimes you need to ask them to go to the ant convention. But you Will not get anywhere hiding your passions

i'm still mad they killed E3. if they're gonna release a string of commercials the least they could do to get me to watch is to perform a self-humiliation ritual of their c-suite executives on stage try to seem cool. They don't even wear gamer T-shirt and blazer anymore.

Sometimes a banana will have the most vile texture known to man, other times… heh! This banana ain’t half bad!