The Retail Confessionals

If a customer prefaces a sentence with "I don't want to sound snobby," they're about to sound snobby.

A text from my hubby earlier. Yeah, that pretty much sums it up!!

How is everyone elses' day fairing?

All: *promptly dies laughing*

Have you ever had a day so bad where you just want to sit in the bathroom pretending you have chronic diarrhea until your shift is over?

Don't tell me TGIF when this is what I look like the night before I know I'm working a Saturday shift.

Me:*wearing coffee filter as a hat* Yeah, why do you ask?

I spend my day trying to convince colorblind, Martha Stewart wannabes that attaining the kitchen they saw on HGTV cannot be accomplished on a budget of chewing gum and spare couch change.

I've been holding this smile for too long. My face is starting to spasm.

Unsuccessfully trying to fart quietly in the employee/customer bathroom.