The Rietveld

I don't know think this conversation is as simple as we make it

I’ve tried to write this a few times now, and I keep stopping halfway through, because every time I think I’ve figured out how I feel, I realise I haven’t or maybe I have, but it doesn’t fit neatly into one side or the other.

Thats kind of the problem, you can’t hate Byler. Sitting with will’s story for four seasons and not feeling something would be impossible. His queerness isn’t loud or dramatic it’s quiet, internal, and heavy. Wanting that to turn into something real, something named, something returned… that makes sense. It wouldn’t just be about a ship. It would be something to people who grew up learning how to stay silent about who they are and I understand why people want that so badly.

But then there’s Eleven and this is where I slow down because the way she’s talked about sometimes makes me uneasy. She keeps getting reduced to a barrier like she’s standing in the way of a story that’s ‘meant’ to happen and I don’t think that’s fair and I don’t think it’s true either. Elevens life has been shaped by loss and control in ways that are hard to fully sit with and love wasn’t something she was promised it was something she discovered and Mike’s love for her has never felt accidental to me. He doesn’t hesitate when it comes to her, he doesn’t replace her and he chooses her even it’s hard even when he’s scared even when he struggles to say the words.

So when I imagine a version of the story where Byler happens because Mileven is dismantled, I feel conflicted not because queer love isn’t important it is but because of what that would cost because the cost would be a girl’s pain being treated as acceptable, necessary even and that’s a story we’ve already seen too many times. What makes this harder is that Will and Eleven are not opposites but they are parallel. A queer boy. A girl whose body and autonomy were taken from her two characters who represent people history has been brutal to. Asking audience to choose between them feels wrong, like the story is forcing one wound to heal by reopening another.

I don’t think the fandom is broken for arguing about this. I think it’s reacting to uncertainty the writers created and then left open because emotional threads were pulled and never tied back together feelings were introduced without care for there they might land and now we’re all here trying to protect the characters we see ourselves in.

Maybe that’s why this feels so heavy because at the end of the day I don’t want a story where someone has to lose in order for someone else to be validated and I don’t want love to come at the expense of another person’s dignity.