The Real Shosh

The below is a Medium blog post I wrote for Jobbatical.com, a work and travel company that offers startup jobs in over 30 countries around the world. From Hong Kong to Germany you can get the best of both travel and career with Jobbatical. Some people know what they want to do for the rest of their lives at age five. They love tinkering with things so they end up being an engineer, they have a knack for drawing so they become a fashion designer… but most people like a lot of things and it takes longer to find what they’re both passionate about and good at. I fall into the latter category.

As a new grad in 2011 with a B.A. in Communications living in California during an exciting time for tech–when online dating was still a bit unconventional, pre-Facebook IPO, and Snapchat’s Evan Spiegel was still in college–I knew I had to jump into a career in tech…it was an exciting time with lots of possibilities! What a roller coaster that was. I am grateful for all the experiences I had and things I’ve learned. However, what I didn’t do for myself was take time to explore the world and my passions before I started working full-time in the “real world¨ at a young age. I never took the time in my early 20's to explore what makes me tick, but what I learned is that you can always “begin again,” like I am today.

I needed a change, and that change wasn’t going to be a new job in San Francisco.

Fast-forward five years to January 2015. As a twenty-six year-old with some solid job experience, I was not as happy as I imagined myself to be at this age. At a younger age I knew what it felt like to join “the rat race;” going to my job day in and day out feeling like there’s a big hole in the middle of me, like I was missing out on what I´m meant to be doing. I felt stuck in my job, unfulfilled with my social life, and stuck in one of the most expensive cities in the U.S.: San Francisco. All I wanted to do was to love what I did for work and explore what this world has to offer. I didn’t know how I was going to do it while I was paying the insane San Francisco rent and barely getting by, but luckily I had been saving ever since my first job.

As for living my passion, I knew I had to take some time off to explore what I like to do and what I’m good at. And for travel, I knew I wouldn’t get my fix if I took the ridiculously short two-weeks a year holiday that the U.S. gives employees — I needed three or six months! I needed a change, and that change wasn’t going to be a new job in San Francisco.

When I finally quit I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

So I quit my job and moved back home to Santa Barbara to live with my parents for the summer. It wasn’t easy leaving my job and friends; a steady paycheck and a routine I had become used to–but wasn’t thriving in. When I finally quit I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and I could see all the possibilities in front of me. I thought: “shit, I’m twenty-six, no boyfriend, no kids, no house to pay off. This is my time to see the world, this is a perfect time!”

What I learned from a few months (maybe a year) being unfulfilled by work/life is that if you are unhappy, change it. You have the choice over your body/mind to change what is feeling stuck, and you have to take the risks and be courageous to try new things. Life is just a big experiment; we collect data from our experiences and decide what we like and don’t like, but we’ll never know if we don’t get out of our comfort zones and try something crazy! For me, the data that I’m collecting now is “how will I do traveling Europe alone? Will I meet new people, will I try new types of food, and will I meet someone who changes my life and will I get stronger from it ?”

Sometimes when I ask myself: one to five years from now, how will I feel about my choices? Will I regret not taking that chance, leaving that job, leaving that relationship, or asking for that raise? Then I write it down, I write everything down on sticky notes, Evernote, journal, or blog, so I can keep a record of emotions/thoughts/experiences to then look back on with self reflection.

I woke up the day after the wedding on top of a French mountain in a beautiful villa, and I knew I wasn’t going home.

I should probably preface this next part with: I didn’t plan on staying in Europe for more than two-weeks, and now I’m here for a few more months. I came out to France for my lovely friends’ Austin and Jean’s wedding in the South of France. I woke up the day after the wedding on top of a French mountain in a beautiful villa, and I knew I wasn’t going home. I kind of set myself up for this though, while in Santa Barbara this summer I had two part-time jobs which I gave a heads up to about my possible adventures, and all the money I saved while working in tech…well most of that was blown this summer on other trips. So really, I’m staying in Europe on a whim, figuring it out as I go.

Today (September 30th, 2015) I am in Paris, next week I’ll likely be in Sicily visiting more family or I might be back in Nice, France. I don’t really have a solid plan; I’m taking it day by day with a little planning and an open mind. Some may think I’m crazy, especially since I’m traveling on a tight budget, but for me it’s exhilarating trying to figure out how I’ll get by each day. To be fair, this isn’t my first time out of the country. I’ve been to Europe before, a few times, I studied abroad in Rome and Florence when I was nineteen, but that was a lot different as I was in a structured environment most of the day and with other Americans.

I can’t just work any job, I want to love what I do, in a realistic sense, and enjoy each day of it, not just live for the weekends like I used to.

So far it’s been a month (not that much time) and there have been moments that I just feel so excited about the unknown, which for me is big! I feel so alive. And there have been moments I just want to go home, eat healthy food again, get back behind the barbell in a Crossfit class, or see my friends; because let me tell you, the language barrier can be very isolating. It’s only been a short time in the grand scheme of things! Not surprising, but I’ve taken to writing a lot more these days, which feels so good. I’ve been jotting down notes all the time. For example, the cultural importance of a bullfight to Spaniards and most people in the South of France. It was my first bullfight and yikes, I had to leave early…more on that in my next post here.

I’ve gone back and forth thinking, “do I not want to worry about making money and just spend my savings on travel?” Or “can I make it work in Europe and get a job?” Both are possible, especially now with helpful sites as jobbatical.com and workaway.info. So far I’ve met some pretty great people; some are musicians, artists, art dealers, event planners, chefs, but most don’t live to work, they work to live; a philosophy I could get used to and will integrate more into my life. Knowing me I can’t just work any job, I want to love what I do, in a realistic sense, and enjoy each day of it, not just live for the weekends like I used to.

My new friend and certified Career Coach, Rebecca Castleton and I met in Barcelona where we talked about my career, travel, and my passions. She shared some tips with me about how to find what you love to do and I’d like to share with you too.

Rebecca’s Three Steps to a Fulfilling Career

1. Assessment: ask yourself, “who am I, what do I want, and what am I good at, what are my objectives in life?”

2. Do the research: if you like cooking, look into what it takes to be a chef, is there a culinary school by you, do you even need to go to school, should you just work in a restaurant, how long will it take to be a chef? Start making up recipes and posting food photos to your website or Instagram.

3. People: network and ask questions, a lot of them. Find people in the culinary industry you may know and ask them questions, shadow them in the kitchen for a few days, do as many informational interviews as possible.

My career and travel dreams for the future are to somehow integrate traveling into what I’m passionate about. I love to write so I’m looking into what it takes to be a travel writer of some kind. When I was young my dream job was to travel to hotel spas around the world and rate them. Ha, what a dream that was. I also love fashion and style, so maybe that can take me somewhere; I cannot tell the future, but I can make the best out of each day, like right now…I’m running late to meet a new French friend at the Eiffel tower!

Au revoir!

xx,

“What matters most is how well you walk through the fire.” -  Charles Bukowski

Hi all,

Shoshy is back! I know it’s been a while, the last time I wrote a post was in August 2014  when “Shosh Takes Some Me Time.” Ha, well looks like that “me time” took a little longer than Shosh expected. As I reflect on why it took so long, I came to the conclusion that I just wasn’t in the sharing mood. I write because it’s cathartic and most importantly I write when I feel the urge to share and connect with others in this vulnerable space.

Today, I’m happy to announce it’s been one month since I moved back home to Santa Barbara to take a one year break to focus on my passions and figure out my “purpose”... without the hustle & bustle of the city life. Since I decided on this move, people have been asking me why I left San Francisco for the simpler and sunnier life of Santa Barbara. Let’s go back a few months to where it all started…

To be honest, I was pretty unhappy since around November of last year. My general thoughts transitioned from feeling like, “Hell ya, I’m feeling good, I’m on the right path for me!” To literally waking up every day saying, “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing here anymore. I need a change.” In other words, how do I regain a life that has lost its meaning and purpose? Does any of that sound familiar to any of you? Throughout this experience, I’ve learned that most people go through this as well. Know you are not alone my friends. And so...

There were a few times I seriously thought about quitting my job and moving to LA in August, but I gave SF one more shot because I believe in second chances. But then, my job wasn’t going down the path I had hoped for. One day my boss sat me down and said, “You will not be a Product Manager at this company.” Well fuck, I don’t want to be a technical copywriter here either (which I was), and I’m not exactly a web developer. There were little avenues for me to go down at that office so I had to pause and think critically about what I wanted my next chapter to begin with.

While I was at my last company, I did everything I could to make the company culture better not just for the team, but also for me to not feel so alone.  But the sad truth was that I was at work surrounded by amazingly talented, hilarious, good people, yet I felt completely alone every day. I went home to two wonderful roommates and I still felt alone. My roommates and I were all living different realities that rarely put us in the same room. All while this was happening, my best friends had moved to NYC and the rest were coupling up or moving on with their lives. To be real, even if I had a partner in SF I probably still wouldn’t be happy. The only person that can make me happy is me, first.

Furthermore, I wasn’t thriving in San Francisco anymore. The city no longer charmed me and I felt stuck in a routine that I grew tired of. I was living for the weekends and the weekends weren’t even that great! Despite all my efforts to be social, I still found myself staying in most  weekend nights.

When the holidays hit, I was so excited to get back to Santa Barbara. One evening at my parents house, I sat them down in our backyard, and without even preparing anything, I told them I needed to leave SF and travel to South East Asia and Australia. “Why there?” they asked. Well, I replied, because I have a calling to go -- but when I’m ready. After explaining this, my parents weren’t the only ones in support of my newfound realization, but all my other family and friends were supportive too, offering travel tips and suggestions right off the bat. I am so completely grateful for my support team and to call Santa Barbara my home base again.

Fastforward to today. I’m sitting at my new fave spot, the French Press, where I’ve already ran into old friends sharing stories and updates.

As I think about what I want to do next for work, I just want it to be about something I love and see if I can make that work versus a job that just pays well. Trial and error people! For example, I love fashion and style, so I want to work at a boutique. I’ve also wanted to get involved in the Arts so I’m helping out a friend for fun at a gallery in the ultra artsy enclave of the city called “The Funk Zone.” I’m a health nut and fitness person, so I’m also working out during the week -- endorphins fuel the mind and the body.

For the very first time, I can finally see myself settling down here. I have to admit, in the past I looked down on Santa Barbara as a fallback place, but I was really projecting judgements I had about myself onto the city of SB. Now that I accept myself and where I am, I am so grateful to call SB my home base, and possibly my future home.

I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, but all I know is that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. I’m still trying to figure it out, but the difference is I’m out of the quicksand and finally beginning to make some moves forward.

Here are some tools from my own personal toolbox of life that I’m currently using to handle this transition I’m in. I hope at least one helps those of you who are willing to put in the self work:

Your thoughts create your reality: When you feel good, you're allowing good. When you don't feel good, you are not allowing good.

Daily gratitude practice: Some mornings I wake up slowly and acknowledge how I feel, write down 1-3 gratitudes in my journal, and set an intention for the day. This exercise helps to release endogenous opioids in your brain that make you feel happy, alert, alive, and awake. The mind can also change the brain in lasting ways. The brain can literally be "remodeled."

Learn what your gremlins sound like: Throughout my personal work, I’ve learned to identify my inner gremlins, also known as negative self-talk. And being mindful has changed the way I think; when a negative voice about myself or another person comes into my head I identify it as a negative thought and push it away. Or sometimes just the acknowledgement is enough.

Trust the process: Know you are exactly where you need to be right now in the moment. If you’re doing the work and listening to your inner self, give yourself some silence to reflect, even if it’s just for 5 minutes, which will help you trust yourself more.

Try to be present and meditate: The past and the future do not matter. The only thing that exists is right now. What I mean is to try not to “future trip,” or live in the past. I know, so Buddhist of me.

Relax and listen to your breath: Sometimes you think that things aren’t working out because the timing isn't perfect. However, it turns out that things are actually happening in perfect order. A great saying from a spiritual advisor goes like this, "Everything happens in its perfect time. Everything is unfolding. And I'm enjoying where I am now, in relationship to where I'm going. I’m Content where I am, and eager for more.”

Ask for help: Create your own board of directors for you! Don't just find a mentor, but find a sponsor. Mentors share experience, but sponsors will put their life on the line for you. They will get you that interview, meeting, or introduce you to your future husband or wife. I also try to live an authentic life, so for me it helps to be honest with my friends and family with what’s going on. If you’re open to it, just ask for help sometimes, and you will be surprised at how many people show up for you. But you have to “show up” each day for yourself first. I believe that when we feel safe enough to be honest with ourselves at deeper and deeper levels, doable choices emerge and we naturally make more satisfying choices.

We are always on our way somewhere. The key is to find a way to be happy wherever you  are now on your way to where you really want to be. And for me at least,  that is exactly what I’m doing in Santa Barbara. Until next time!

xx,

As I sit at the cafe down the street on a Saturday night, I can’t help but recognize how content I feel just doing my thing.

Let’s face it, we all sometimes feel that FOMO or pressure to “show face” when we really just want to curl up on the couch with a good book or watch a movie. Right? Throughout my transition from post college life to adult life, such as working full-time start-up hours with little down time, I’ve learned to really value my weekends and time to myself. I no longer care to give up my Saturday morning to being stuck in bed all day with a hangover – I’ve moved way past that. 

Additionally, I remember a point where all I wanted was to be an adult; I wanted to be a yuppie and work a real job in downtown San Francisco. I wanted to be like those women who walked down the street of the Financial District with their pencil skirts and Jimmy Choo’s looking like they’re going somewhere very important. Well let me tell you, I’ve gotten over that “idea” of what I should be doing and how I should look. I’ve had enough jobs that made me feel like I was sitting at a desk wasting away my twenties, to learn I’d rather follow my dreams than do that for ever.

That said, today I’m more curious about my time on earth, driven to follow my passion and determined to succeed. I just do what makes me happy because I’m following my own path -- guess what, there’s no “right” path to choose. This reminds me of one of my favorite Steve Jobs quotes,

“Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” 

At almost 26, I’m out of the post college life and transitioning into my adult life. I’m still on an exciting path of personal exploration, but fuck, some days it feels like there’s a never-ending horizon of just the same shit, what else is going to happen?

As a Product Manager in training and avid dater, the email I just got from Tinder made my eyes light up!

Did I mention I love taking surveys? Especially Likert scale ones, NPS surveys are alright too but not my fave. You might think, "wtf that's a weird thing to say." It's because I love feedback, both receiving and giving. Any time there's room for improvement or an opportunity to iterate, I'll take it, both personally and professionally. I also usually have a tone to say, so when there's another medium to share my thoughts, I'm all over it.

Shosh's brain when seeing the Tinder email: "Yes, Tinder I'll take a potential new feature survey for you, I'll take the shit outta your survey. And the timing couldn't be any better." I don't just get hot and bothered for surveys, but this one hits home more than others; at work, I market our new features, in my personal life, I market myself and all my personal features, inside and out (oooh, I feel a metaphor coming on!) Anyway, I've never been more excited to fill out a survey in my life! And I'm sharing it with you all too.

Take the Tinder Survey! 

Note: proving the survey link may or may not fuck up their results, because you should be a Tinder user to provide effective feedback. So please don't fill it out unless you have at least one Tinder experience. Although, it's Survey Monkey, they should enable a login lightbox so the survey taker has to log into the apps account before taking the survey to ensure proper results. That's their bad... #newfeatureidea. 

xx,

Shosh's Top 10 Sexy Weekend Songs

While you're just about to get your long weekend started, just know that Shosh has your sexy-time playlist covered! (In hopes that everyone has some sexy-time). For those going away with friends or significant others, or even those who are keeping it local and hot, these are for you!

I'm really into the below songs right now: from the '80 post disco, synth pop, and funk of Cherub to the blended electronics and indie guitar beats of Glass Animals, you really cannot go wrong with this weeks Top 10. I even threw in some sensual songs for those who appreciate the sultry vibes of pop-R&B. 

Glass Animals – Gooey

Autre Ne Veut – Ego Free Sex Free

Bondax – Gold

Cherub – Chocolate Strawberries

MØ – Dark Night

Sbtrkt – Wildfire (feat. Little Dragon)

Miguel – Adorn

Movement – Ivory

Ginuwine – Differences

Blood Orange – No Right Thing

xx,

          The ACE Hotel Palm Springs is like Vegas for hipsters. 

Last weekend a group of close friends and I all came together to celebrate the birthday of one of my best friend’s from college. We booked a weekend getaway at the ACE hotel in Palm Springs, a place I've been dying to see. We were all thrilled to be together again, and after a cold SF Spring we were all ready for some Vitamin D.

Other than being with friends, I just loved people watching, the historic architecture was inspiring and the timelessness of the place was ideal for the setting. I kept thinking all weekend, "I'm never going to Vegas again (unless I'm getting treated like a fucking Princess or it's my girls Bachelorette party)." The ACE was the perfect mixture of Vegas pool party (without the Guido’s) meets desert relaxation.

                                  A short history lesson: The ACE is nested close by some funky fresh places, namely Joshua Tree, the Salton Sean and Salvation Mountain.

“Palm Springs' evolution into a desert resort town began in the early 1900s. By the '30s it had become catalyst for the desert modern style of architecture and design that proliferated throughout the West, but perhaps nowhere as much as in Palm Springs.”

“Our own home was built in the mid-60s as a desert modern extension of the Westward Ho chain and later lived as a Howard Johnson with an on-site Denny's. It's always been a family-friendly and fun place, inspired equally by its unchanging environmental surroundings and the ebb and flow of design and creative movements.”

I could only imagine what it was like in the 60's with an on-site Denny's and Hollywood types running that place. Oh sometimes I wish I was around in those days.

When San Francisco techy kids meet the ACE: We arrived late Friday night but that didn’t stop us from a late night pool party and hot tubing. Saturday consisted of following the Bday girl to the pool at 6:30am to claim our lounge chairs and sofa. Don’t blame her, she was on London time. The boys met us for breakfast and morning cocktails, might I add they’re called “Desert Facials,” and a few buckets o’ beer shortly followed. Throughout the day there was a plethora of activities and endless boozing. From games of ping-pong, a few sun-drenched interactions with new friends, to floating around on blow up toys shaped as Hello Kitty, we were having quiet a blast in the heat. Might I add, it was also Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year.

In looking back on a weekend of fun, there were definitely some things I learned about how to have an amazing time at a desert hotel like the ACE.

Incase you missed it....here it is! "An Evening Of Passion," By Rakesh Sharma

As a Passion Co. Graduate and Ambassador, I can wholeheartedly say that these bad ass ladies really know what they're doing when it comes to passion. It was an experience I will never forget, and I couldn’t have done it without the structure, inspiration, and loving support that the Passion Co. and friends provide. 

xx,

Even Shosh needs a little break from the dating scene once and while. And at one point, Shosh did what her girlfriends do on a weekly basis - she deleted her Tinder.  

A month back, I had a few too many annoying encounters, fizzled out Matches, and even a Match that I thought I “fell for” and then it crashed and burned [he deserves his own post]. After that disaster, I wasn’t looking forward to any more swipes. But then, on the June 5th I read in TechCrunch that Tinder just released a new version - V4.0.1. My dreams for Tinder were coming true; none other than the CEO himself was finally announcing my hopes for Tinder. Sean Rad stated via TechCrunch, “Tinder wants to be the place you go to make any connection, whether that be friendship or romance.” I’ve always felt like it was awkward matching with guys I thought were cool or interesting just by the looks of their photos but who I wasn’t completely attracted to them. So now with the new update and the comments from Sean, I hope Tinder succeeds in its pivot to a general “meeting” app.   

Shortly after I read the TechCrunch article, the download began and my eyes were glued to my iPhone. Initially, I was a little upset. The update seemed a little cluttered at first but was easy to navigate. Despite my initial hesitations, I enjoyed exploring the new version, which includes something called “Moments.” How Moments work: you take a photo, which will then be broadcasted to all your matches. Your matches can view your Moments by swiping right to “like” it or left to “nope,” just like profiles.  The photos will then expire in 24 hours.

                      LINGERIE: The ladies love it and so do their men. I’m a big fan of sensual silks and handcrafted lace fabrics, so when dMondaine approached me to be featured as one of their ladies on “Tastemakers Tuesdays,” I knew I had to get my paws all over their silky garbs! 

One of my favorite questions from the dMondaine Q&A was the question,“Why do you love your shape?” I answered:

“Because I’m bite sized. Jokes! I love my shape most when I feel strong and toned. Strong, healthy looking women are the ‘new skinny.’ Runway model skinny is so out!”

 As we all know, our bodies start to change as we age and before we know it our boobs are down to the floor. Of course cosmetic surgery is an option to help some of these “imperfections.” Aside from this, I come from the school of thought that teaches us to treat our bodies like a temple because it’s the only one we’ve got. I prefer to love the skin I’m in today and give it the nutrients and vitality it needs to be strong and healthy, which can only prolong the aging effects that are so inevitable. 

San Francisco is a wonderful place to live; the culture, the arts, the food, and even the weather isn't too shabby either. But let’s be real - most people here aren't the most fashion conscious. I’m going to just say it: if you’re in fashion in SF, it's child’s play compared to the inspiring style that comes out of NYC and LA. Even ask San Francisco’s most chic author, Danielle Steel. In a May 2011 interview with Refinery29, Steel comments on Bay Area style: 

"There's no style, nobody dresses up—you can't be chic there. It's all shorts and hiking books and Tevas—it's as if everyone is dressed to go on a camping trip. I don't think people really care how they look there; and I look like a mess when I'm there, too.”

I wholeheartedly agree with Steele’s comments about the lack of San Francisco style. It’s important to give a fuck sometimes ladies and gents. Yep, I said it, San Francisco!

Ladies, it's okay to style a fully put together outfit in the morning. It's okay to blow dry your hair sometimes or change up your usual do. It's okay to wear lipstick and high heels on a random Wednesday. And it's okay to follow trends you like. Don’t be afraid to mix and match high-end with low-end, vintage inspired outfits with a modern touch or even mix classic with rocker if you want. Just do something interesting. Inspire us!

For you men out there, it's okay to wear a belt and a collard shirt some days too, you know. It’s okay to brush your hair and trim your nose hair. It’s okay to have your own style. Buy some nice straight leg Selvedge denim and long lasting leather shoes. I’m not saying don’t be yourself, I’m just saying to give it some effort (and there are plenty of ways in SF to do this without breaking the bank). Read a fashion blog once in your life, for heavens sake! Every person should know The Sartorialist. Why not put some effort into your style? The Real Shosh does, and it feels so good to love what’s in my closet:

The Beyonce booty shorts (yet to be worn)

I’m not scared to be fashionably honest with my friends, the guys I date, and most importantly, myself.  I know people in the Financial District look at me funny when I wear pink flower pants, a leather jacket and topknot. I know I sometimes sound like a ditz when I get excited about clothes, or anything fort hat matter.

I also know people roll their eyes at me when I talk about my dating escapades. Boys may be turned off by my vulgar mouth and sexual innuendoes. But I don’t really give a fuck most of the time.

Let's also take a look at Zosia Mamet’s bold real life style. Was it a fashionable accident Zosia was cast to play Shoshanna? I definitely don’t think so! Both Zosia and her character Shoshanna know how to make a statement with unique outfits and hairstyles because both are willing to be themselves in all things they do.

Shoshanna is not scared to rock a wacky side braid or a doughnut on the top of her head if she feels like it. And Zosia chopped off her long luscious locks on a whim, and looks great. Shoshanna does a preppy style most days but her hair poses a nice contradiction to her East Coast preppy floral skirts and pink Polos. Zosia is pretty confident and likes to take fashion risks; her style is definitely one of the more bold and inspirational styles out of all the actresses on the show. She has a pretty complex style and pulls off many trends well, such as bright colored bell-bottoms, bold reds and cut outs, leather, tomboy hipster-chic, and paisley pants.

Here are some of my favorite Shoshanna hairstyles and Zosia fashion statements:

Shoshanna Shapiro 

Zosia Mamet

xx,

"Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with." - Carrie Bradshaw

Say it, sista!

The above quote from Carrie is a reminder for me that no matter how long I will be single for or how many relationships I have in my lifetime, that I must always check in with myself and make sure I'm following my dreams and living the life that I choose to live. And that my time is precious -- so is yours, so is his and so is hers. Furthermore, I'm also consciously practicing to "date with intention," which means to be mindful of the people I choose to surround myself with and let into my life. 

Lastly, I've always been skeptical of people who are relationship jumpers, meaning they've spent more time in longterm relationships than being independent and alone. I personally think some people don't give themselves enough alone time to reflect on their experiences. I prefer to take the mistakes and lessons I learned and use those experiences to transform myself into a better me for future relationships. Having “me time” in between relationships is also a great reminder that I don't need another person to survive and I can make it just fine on my own. Most importantly, I’ve learned to always follow my truth, my heart, and my instincts, because when someone really special comes along, I’ll truly know it. 

xx,

My first #throwbackthursday to GIRLS Season 1: Shosh smokes crack, by accident and is hilarious! I die. 

xx,

The truth is, I’ve been active in the dating scene since 2011, on and off of course. But hey, I’m not looking to wife up anyone just yet! Seriously, chill out. I love online dating because I nerd out hardcore when it comes to new trending technologies.

So naturally I have to be one of the first to participate in new social media and dating apps. Way back in the day, I was on the OKCupid web browser version before it was even the robust app it is today.

I was about to finish my Senior year of college and I was sick of the usual lame college boys, so I decided I needed to go on a few dates before I graduated and entered the “real world.”Come on, haven’t we learned anything from Sex and the City? Think of it as being an intern before you take the job. Same shit. I wanted to be prepared for what my twenties had in store and become a dating maven early.

I’ve had some really top shelf dates and I’ve had some horrible ones. At the end of the day, though, the fundamental aspects of dating have not changed. For this post I want to focus on the basic rules of dating and the things guys can do better while working the dating scene. Call it Shosh’s Dating Rules 101.

As far as dating etiquette, there’s a flow to it. And yes, it has totally changed with technology (a la Tinder, OKCupid, Grindr, etc.) It’s not what you see in the movies anymore: Guy meets Girl out at a bar, Guy asks Girl for number, Guy calls Girl to plan a date, yadda yadda. Sometimes I miss the old-fashioned way because I feel like the old rules of dating are well on their way to the graveyard. I mean, we all know chivalry has been dead for ages! So as I like to say, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. That’s why I’ve evolved my dating practices to get with the times and think guys should, too!

Yes, I’m talking to you boys! Listen up. Here are Shosh’s rules:

1.  The guy should always pay on the first few dates: What ever it is: dinner, a drink, or coffee, it’s still an old school gesture that us new school ladies appreciate and take notice of. 

2. Show you’re interested in getting to know her: The best way to do this is to actively engage in the conversation by asking her questions and having her elaborate on things that you also find interesting with the intention to reach a common shared interest. Look her in the eye, nod your head, and for Fucks sake, at least act like you’re listening even if you’re not. When she tells you something like, “I’m really into film,” inquire more about that! Say something like, “Oh really? How do you feel about French New Wave?” Don’t just turn the conversation back onto yourself. 

3. Make her laugh: This shows that you both have similar humor, and that is a great foundation for a relationship. If you can’t laugh together then you can’t have fun together, and if you can’t have fun together, why be together? 

4. After the first date: Let her know you had fun with her (if you did), and let her know that you’d like to see her again sometime soon. Then follow up! Either later that night over text, which is super cute when done well, or a few days later. If something stood out about her on the first date, like she mentioned she’s always wanted to go to a show at the Fox or you both like the outdoors, then plan the date accordingly. She’ll definitely give you bonus points!

5. If you want to see her again, plan ahead: Call/text her a week beforehand to make a plan to see each other again. Don’t text her on a Friday at 5pm asking, “What are you doing tonight?” because she’s probably busy. Planning ahead shows that you’re courteous of her social life, you’re excited to see her again and you don’t expect her to drop everything when you text her to hang out.

6. If you’re both texters, then please make it interesting: Choose a role, either be the long novel guy, the daily chatter guy, or the “I only text to make plans guy.” But if you’re going to be the daily chatter guy, please for heavens sake make it interesting. It’s not fun to be all over the place, either. Own one role and be consistent. 

7. Lastly, if you have a low emotional intelligence IQ, then get the fuck away, grow the fuck up and address your personal issues. See a therapist or whatever you need to do to grow. We have no time for that inept ability to get on our level at this age. 

Good luck fellas, and full speed ahead!

xx,

It's hot out. 

xx,

Shosh admits, she’s boy crazy right now. Even in the mornings on the commute to work, she’s dreaming about running into her next Honey. 

So what’s the scoop? Come on ladies, haven’t you ever seen a guy on the bus and just want to go up and say hi but you don’t because it’s before you’ve had your morning coffee and you’re still finishing your makeup?

If you somehow did muster up the courage, what would you even say? It’s the morning so it’s generally quieter on the morning train, so everyone would hear your awkward attempt at meeting a guy.

Anyway, I’d like to think I’d at least make an attempt to let him know I’m interested in chatting. To be honest, I’ve always wanted to meet a guy on the Muni or at the gym. Is that weird or what? I totes think it’s hella weird but whatevs.

It unfortunately hasn’t happened yet, but hey, it’s San Francisco and if the guys from the HBO show Looking can meet a guy on the bus, so can I! I’ve secretly wanted to create a Tumblr called “Hot Guys on Muni” and post sneaky iPhone photos of hotties I see on my commute. If you think I should do it, message me!

OK, so there’s my dream of meeting a cutie on the Muni and then there’s reality… my reality. I literally ran into a guy I met from Tinder on the Muni (no not dick pic guy, I wish). Yep, that happened this week. Here’s the scoop: 

That girl from GIRLS

I can’t even tell you how many times I get stopped on the street or at a party and people tell me that I am just like Shoshanna from HBO’s “Girls.” And they don’t just mean that I resemble her.  People say I talk, act, and sound like her, too. Sometimes people tell me I remind them of her before I even speak a word. It’s literally bananas.

I don’t think I look like her. Although yes, I wear bright colored yoga pants, I have very exaggerated facial expressions and freak out easily and yes, my sense of style is kind of crazy. I also have an over  extended smile and I may look dumbfounded on the reg. I’m aware I have no filter and I tend to talk really fast in run on sentences. It’s a problem, I know, I’m working on it. But not really.

Clearly there are similarities between us, so I thought it would be fucking hilarious to write a blog about my real life experiences through this Shoshanna character. 

“Girls,” produced and written by gal genius Lena Dunham, is a comedy about the experiences of a group of girls in their early 20s. It’s that simple - that is my life. I am a 20-something single girl living in San Francisco for the past 5 years just soaking up all of my 20’s. I’m finding out who I am through as much life experiences as I can and that is the way I’ve always imagined my 20's going. 

Heads up: [hide yo kids, hide yo wife] I’ve decided to bare it all. A lot of these stories will pull from my personal e-journal as well as other friend’s lives. I’ll be brutally honest in these posts on dating, relationships, sexual adventures, non-sexual adventures, career changes, friendships, etc... There will be a lot of "things learned" at the end of my posts or snapshots into what's to come. What to expect: you will be reading about true stories of a 20-something millennial girl who seeks a better understanding of her physical being and identity through her experiences and relationships.  

I hope you enjoy reading, if you want to be mean and judge me then you can just take your ugly judgy face outta here!

xx,

The Real Shosh