it’s always sunny in philadelphia starters
“ No, no, of course we shouldn’t bash these people up. ”
“ All right, you’re getting hung up on “can’t”, and I’m not saying that you can’t. I’m saying that it is illegal. ”
“ It’s just that bird law in this country—it’s not governed by reason. ”
“ It seems like you have a tenuous grasp of the English language in general. ”
“ He totally besmirched me today, and I demand satisfaction. ”
“ I’m saying I did an ocular assessment of the situation garnered that he was not a security risk and I cleared him for passage. ”
“ By the way you guys, can I just say as a side note, I am loving this can-wine thing. ”
“ Well, I don’t know how many years on this Earth I got left. I’m going to get real weird with it. ”
“ What kind of a person salts another human being? There’s no joy in salting someone. ”
“ Am I not fun to drink with? ”
“ With all due respect, you’re talking about bringing guns to an intervention and you’re drinking wine out of a soda can. ”
“ Yes, my good man, I’ll have the milk steak, boiled over hard, and your finest jelly beans…raw. ”
“ This is depressing. Want to go get sweaty in the bathroom? ”
“ I can do way more push ups then you even though I was just hit by a car. ”
“ I do not appreciate being paraphrased. I choose my words very deliberately. ”
“ You bet your ass I’m wearing women’s underwear! ”
“ Two guns! Six boobs! We’re all on the same team! ”
“ I told you, people love stupid shit! ”
“ My grandmother had an affair with Susan B. Anthony. ”
“ See, I would have gone in and bought a box of magnum condoms, thus demonstrating I have a monster dong. ”
“ I got my magnum condoms and a wad of hundreds; I’m ready to plow! ”
“ Oh whoops, ooh! I dropped my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong! ”
“ Yeah, just to be clear though, I don’t care either way. ”
“ I’m doing this jerk-off’s taxes. Next year, the IRS will audit the piss out of him! ”
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