Just some fictionkin/fictive thoughts: journal entry (on doubles, and relationship with media)
I've developed a lot as a person and undone a lot of traumas I've had and one thing it's led to is me no longer feeling animosity towards 'doubles' - of media me anyway. Because i was a clone, and grew up with many other clones, I've developed a residual distrust towards things that look like me. I'd directed that towards media doubles - aka 'mha tomura shigaraki', but now I don't feel like that anymore after a understanding of my past and what exactly unsettled me.
I also have developed so much as an individual that the fictional portrayal of me now feels like my embarrasing teenage phase, including my end. Which it was since I grew up late lol. Annnyways. My current stance is that I want to say hello when I see doubles, ask weirdly invasive questions cause I'm mostly just like I wonder how he's doing since I know back then I was erm. Struggling.
At the same time, I'm not a fan of myself - back then that is. So I end up not doing much cause I don't wanna see myself.
I wonder though, whether others who aren't a fan of doubles have something similar - if it's some unresolved issues causing it. Cause it is weird to me not wanting to hang out with someone just because of who they are.
Just my thoughts as someone who used to foam at the mouth and want to murder 'things that looked like me'. In my opinion to have a healthy relationship with your media you have to have development outside of it, as an identification as the media, and nothing else, means stagnation. After all, the world tests us in many ways that will change who we are as people. This happens in medias too, obviously. If you believe in past lives or alt universes, changing as a person in this place dosent mean you're not X character. Everyone changes. Fictional characters get passed along by different authors and get written differently, they grow and develop as well, through the minds of people who see them and pass them along.
My relationship with my media has shifted greatly over the year and a half I've been out of my universe. I consider this body I'm in an alternate me, that I hopped into for reasons. I did kick out the old host - aka, the version of me who was supposed to be living here, instead of an alternate me who was supposed to be THERE. And I'm very familiar with how circumstances can make two completely different people, because I know despite me and the old host developing into two completely different people, we are one and the same, just shaped by different upbringings.
So...I guess what I'm trying to say is to not be bothered if you feel like you 'stray outside' of your media or source. Just explore freely cause doubles or not there's only one specific you you. This was just supposed to be some thoughts I had about my changing views on doubles as I explored my own development and how it fits into the context of shit. But now it's motivational, sort of.
Hope no one takes this the wrong way and thinks I'm saying u can't say you identify as your source/media, not what I'm saying. It's that you can have that, while living outside of it as well. It takes time - I seem to have used a very long way to say to not let your past define you. Fictionkin or not. I gotta remember this for myself....
I think a lot of the time people are just happy to be recognised as their source/media rather than stagnating in it. That being said I'm writing this anyway. Cause I had that problem and now I don't so I'm gonna brag about developing. 👁👄👁
Conclusion: I went from completely not interacting with doubles and viewing them with animosity to being pro-doubles I guess lol, although I still wouldn't exactly be a fan of talking to other fictional mes cause our lives are messed up as fuck
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