I'm always posting some faggot shit

i’m really sorry about my behavior. you see, growing up, my family- *remembers blaming all my problems on other people is really annoying and unhealthy* i mean. i am responsible for all the evils of this world and i bear sins like the sky bears the stars

actually, let’s play a game called think about it jacob and i want you to cast yourself in a super specific role for season 2

i want to be another therapist in dr. galina’s office suite. maybe i swing my door open and ilya gets startled bc he’s anxious about being there, i throw him a 🙂 before wordlessly heading to the staff kitchenette for a coffee

I would like to be the Pikes' visibly overwhelmed nanny who is just barely on screen in the background of every shot in the Pike household, preventing whatever child is not being directly interacted with by a Hockey Player from offing themself in a creative way (Amber. I am constantly preventing Amber Pike from climbing onto tables. She's a toddler there's no way it's not happening.)

i'm a lot like if a guy had a tight wet pussy and was right about everything all the time and was also a faggot

that time in high school when my computer died and i was so deeply distraught i legit wrote an entire obituary for a laptop

Where is the obit Gaud, come on don’t hold out on us

Caches to caches, rust to rust

I am sorry for your data loss

another one bytes the dust

Cntrl-Alt-But never Deleted

Anyone else wondering what the obituary was written on if the computer had gone toward the blue-screen light?

shane was a runner as a kid. someone once asked what his name was when he was 3 or 4 and he answered "Shane Hollander Come Back"

Gimme 1 margarita and I saw off my leg!

I like to imagine that, partially due to the Hockey Robot stereotyping and partially due to his watertight media training, commentators are constantly going on about "What's going on in Hollander's head? What was Hollander thinking there? Can't help but wonder what the Metros' Captain has on his mind right now." and it's like. Well statistically speaking. Cock.