a.m.g.

Do you miss me?

Sometimes I think what it would be like to kiss you.

I’ll never tell you.

I’ll never ask.

I’ll never know.

Excuse me, where is your changing room? I have a few things I’d like to try on.

Hmmm this isn’t right, too… straight I need something a bit curvier, can I try bisexuality?

Hmm I don’t know, maybe queerness?

Maybe… lesbianism?

Ooh I like that but I’m not sure, I kind of liked the first one so I don’t know if this is the right fit,

See I have an event tonight and everyone will be asking,

Let’s try queerness again,

Yes, I guess this will have to do, for now at least, but,

I’m sure I’ll see you again next week.

Aren’t people wonderful sometimes?

Yes sure, there’s the plastic and the pollution,

And the terrible things some of us have done,

But

Isn’t it cute how we cut up oranges

Dry the slices and hang them in our cars,

In our homes? Hoping they bring us

Joyful energy, or at least sweet smell?

Isn’t it wonderful how if one of us sees

Something beautiful

We tap the shoulder of our friend

Or a stranger so they can see it too?

Haven’t you seen it? The other day an

Old woman went for a box of soda in

The grocery store, and the box went out,

Everyone scrambled to pick up the cans, get her a new box.

Yesterday a baby cried,

The mother so exhausted,

So someone held the baby and

Let them both sleep,

Today there’s a kid playing in the yard

Looking for fairies or trolls

And she hears something, some crack

In the woods, “Magic is real!” She thinks

Not knowing her dad threw a rock for her

Tomorrow a woman will be frightened

On a subway somewhere

Someone will notice, and they’ll sit next to her

They’ll make friends ride together always,

She will never be afraid to ride it again,

Yes, sometimes the things we do are

Truly terrible, but

Other times? Aren’t they just

Wonderful?

The quiet things seem loud when nothing else is vying for your attention

The clink of your fork against the table or the way that ketchup squirts out of the bottle,

Your cat’s purr as he rubs against your leg,

And even the whisper of the wind,

If nothing else is vying for your attention,

If nothing else drowns out the noises of Life,

Life itself seems loud

So turn off your phone set it on do not disturb and sit outside.

Leave your phone in the house and sit outside.

Listen to the birds chirping in the trees,

To the wind blowing through them,

Listen to the way that rocks tumble and fall and clink and rumble as they go through your fingers back to the ground,

Stop. And. Listen.

Maybe there are lessons to be heard in the way that the tree creaks when it sways

Or the way that chipmunks run, and chatter, their paws pitter-pattering, way up high,

Maybe there are lessons to be learned in the sound that the waves of the lake make as they rumble over driftwood,

And the way that pinecones fall and tumble and crack on their way to meet the ground

Maybe there are lessons to be heard and learned by the way that pine needles crunch under your feet, or in your hand, or under the hooves of deer,

Or how soft and quiet the dark earth itself may seem as it compacts beneath you,

Maybe there are lessons to be learned by just being in nature

By just listening.

By turning off all the other noises in your life

The people in your phone, or real life, their advice, their telling you what to do, who to be, how to live,

Yes, even me.

And the even the noise in your own head.

Listen to the Earth

It’s much older than us

There’s wisdom to be learned.

Starting strong with, and this may be niche, but Cathrine Zeta Jones from No Reservations (the photo is not mine)

Stay tuned for more

Sometimes I think how

Lovely it would be to be

Hugged in our kitchen.

The places I most wish to see

Don’t exist yet. 

I long to board a plane 

Or step off my porch 

And land in a place where love is radiated

Through the trees, 

In the wind, 

Drank from streams and rivers

People privileged to walk upon the land

Can be free to live how they want, 

Violence is a word no one knows the meaning of

Simply because it doesn’t exist, 

The place I most wish to visit

Or better yet live in, 

Is a wonderful place, 

Filled to the brim with generosity, 

Neighbors helping sick neighbors

Filling baskets with food and needed things

When someone new arrives

Calling friends to help others 

When one friend isn’t quite enough

People inviting others into their homes to break bread

Eat soup and listen to old stories, 

I wish to open my door and find smiling faces 

That greet me as I walk down Main Street

I long to take a drive in the country, 

Drive for hours and hours

And yet when I finally stop

I’m still in this most magnificently peaceful place

I long for a home within which I can comfortably grow

A family with the person I love, 

In a place that is not only beautiful to my eye

But also beautiful to my heart, my soul.

The place I dream of doesn’t have politics

Or hate, racism, two sides of the aisle, 

Or really strife of any kind,

Not the kind that can’t be fixed with a cup of tea and honesty,

No. The place I most wish to go to doesn’t exist yet. 

But that doesn’t mean we can’t try.

We can bring the gift baskets

And fight against the systems that leave us

Separated, and hating each other, 

Spewing vicious, toxic, destructive words at one another

We can fight against the leaders who promote these things

Who engage in the hate, in the vile name-calling

Or commit unspeakable actions against their fellow people. 

One day, hopefully, if we fight, if we work to build a better place,

We can finally have that place I wish to go to, 

That place where love exists, 

And hate is a word that is meaningless 

Simply because it doesn’t exist

Someday hopefully we can finally have it. 

A home.

To kiss your girlfriend on the fourteenth date after walking her to her doorstep

To scruffle your dog just one more time before going to work

To let your cat snuggle in bed for just one more minute

Don’t forget to stare at the sunset shining and bouncing off the clouds

Don’t forget to sneak a bite of cheese when you cook, and share a bite with the dog

Don’t forget to look at the leaves as they rust in autumn and how they flitter and fall with grace

Don’t forget to remember to listen to birdsong and try and decipher what they’re saying

Don’t forget to look for chipmunks and squirrels high in the pine trees

Don’t forget to remember to look at yourself with love and tenderness as you do with others

To say “I love you” and “I miss you” and “Damn these cookies you made are fucking amazing”

To hug just one more time and squeeze extra tight

And kiss one more kiss under that cold starlight, moonlight sky

Don’t forget to remember to LIVE.

Because that’s what we are here for anyway isn’t it?

A year gone,

Another trip around the sun

January 14th has come and gone too soon again,

A big party,

Soups and charcuterie

Cookies and strawberry shortcake

Friends,

Family,

Babies,

Parents,

All there to celebrate

My new age

22

What has the last year been?

Who was I this night in 2025?

Who was she?

21 me?

And who am I?

22 now?

I think, if we got the two of us together

21 and 22

Somehow in that Chili’s where I spent the last one

There would be a lot of discussion over French fries and tequila,

And unbelievable disbelief

How this last year has treated me,

And where I stand now,

What I’ve learned,

All the ways I’ve hurt,

And every way I’ve stood through it all,

Cried through it all,

Yelled through it all,

Screamed through it all

So much change in so little time

22 this is all brand new

But I can’t wait to see

What this trip around the sun teaches me.

“After.”

I’ve heard them talk about you

Out there in kitchens and hallways

On front porches and hushed living rooms

They talk about how you used to be

The you you were “before”

They talk as if you were somehow better then

“Before”

Before the bad thing happened that changed you

Irreparably

They tell me how happy you were

Before the hurt and the blood and the no ignored

Before the razor and the bandages and gauze

The Great Before

That’s how they talk about it

About you

As if they can’t wait for you to get back there

To be who you were

As if that’s possible after everything

But I kind of like who you are now

I never knew the Before you

But I like this you

The After you

The you that I know now.

This you laughs at jokes I make

And smiles at small kittens

This you finds joy in the cold air of January

And seems wise beyond her years

This you is the you I know

Who takes the first sip of cocoa

Because that’s the best one

And smiles at the mailman

Because “you never know what going on for him”

I like this you

And I don’t see why

Why they want the you before

When the After you is wonderful

So kind and generous

And loving and spunky

I didn’t know the Before you

But I love the After you just fine.

She couldn’t get out of bed the other day

So I sat with her and dried her tears

She couldn’t make herself eat anything yesterday

So I bought her a burger and fries so at least she had something

She couldn’t stop shaking yesterday

So I held her hand as she told me why

She couldn’t get dressed at all this week

So I washed her pjs and made sure she wore something clean

She broke down in the parking lot last week

So I sat with her for as long as she needed me to

She couldn’t make herself something to drink

So I found a cup she liked and filled it for her

She couldn’t tell me why she was hurting

So I sat with her anyway and held her close

She had trouble showering the other day

So I went in with her and washed her hair and sang her sweet songs

She couldn’t stop hurting

So I kept taking care of her with whatever she needed

A hug, a smile, clean hair, a clean face,

Food she ate, drinks she drank,

She wore clothes that were clean and fresh

She had a warm bed to lay in while she cried

She had her cats taken care of and snuggled up close,

She couldn’t love herself enough this month

So I did it for her, I cleaned her dishes

And made her dinners and breakfasts

I made sure she drank water instead of nothing,

I fed the cats and I held her hand,

She couldn’t do it so I did it for her

She couldn’t go on yesterday,

But I did it for her, I showed her how much she’s loved

Despite her mind telling her different

I couldn’t get out of bed the other day

So I sat and dried my tears.

I am she.

Good morning sun, 

It has been a while, 

Stick around a little longer

Lets sit together by the fire

This year has been,

Interesting,

I’m curious to see what the next one brings

I’m glad you are here

Oh, how I’ve missed you

Your warmth,

Your light embrace,

The smile you bring to my face,

Goodnight sun, 

Let me get your coat,

That went by way too quick,

Maybe tomorrow,

When you come visit again,

You’ll stay just a little longer.