Jona's Random Musings

In any endeavor and relationship, or any life process in general, communication is essential. As human beings, we are given the gift of words to express how we feel and to impart our personal insights. Through words, we do not only make sense of ourselves but also of other people and our surroundings. However, it is not just the words that we use to communicate. Our bodies also speak up for ourselves. We do not just say something and do otherwise. Both our spoken language and actions must match. Moreover, communication is a two-way process for a reason. It does not just come from one person; It must be an exchange between two or more individuals. To communicate is to convey and also to comprehend what is being heard. We can say that communication is speaking, hearing and understanding. If communicating is a vital and indispensable part of living, what becomes of the people who have difficulty doing so?

Hearing is part of the communication process. When we are still infants, what pacifies us from crying is the voice of our caretaker. It is because we can hear her or him that we know someone is there for us. Without the ability to hear, it will be a challenge for us to communicate.

I was assigned to the Catholic Ministry to the Deaf People, Inc. for my BINHI activity. It was just a one-day event where I got to learn sign language and received my own sign name. Ms. Cecille was our deaf instructor. She taught us basic to intermediate sign language. After the teaching session, she also shared her life story to us. She was born deaf because her mother attempted to abort her when she was still a child. Growing up was difficult but she got through it fine because of the support her parents showered her. Currently, she is married to her husband who is also a deaf person. They have children together who are all studying.

While she was sharing her story, I realized how fortunate I am to be hearing the people and things around me. I felt guilty for thinking so negatively of my life circumstances. Born with complete senses and to a family of average income, I already felt bad, yet there was Ms. Cecille in front of me with a smiling face. I never knew a smile could speak so many words until that moment. Painted on her face are happiness and strength. I could not imagine a world without music, and with just complete silence, yet there she was living in that kind of world. And this person is more than willing to let me, us enter her world by teaching sign language.

Of the disabled community in the country, the deaf are the ones who are often neglected. The deaf community is usually marginalized for they cannot speak nor hear the same language as us. Only few people, through sign language, are able to converse with them. This is the reason why their needs and struggles are overlooked by many. The deaf people lack the ability to speak up for themselves and do not possess the ability to hear, yet many of us have both but do not use them accordingly. In spite their hearing problem, they remain attentive to us. Ironically we who have the sense of hearing cannot hear their cries and appeals.

Let us be mindful of everyone around us, especially the oppressed and marginalized. The deaf people, not being able to hear, cannot speak up for themselves the way we do, with words. Instead of having them adjust to us, we must be the one making considerations for them. Let us not be oblivious to their struggles. Let us be their voice. Let us hear them out.

Online me is a lot fiercer and sassy compared to how I am offline. I become bolder and more daring when I am using my SNSs accounts. Aside from this, the contrast between the pictures has something to say with the way i present my virtual and physical identities. In the online world, I present myself in a manner that I think people would think good of me; meanwhile, in the offline world, I do not care that much.

I have always been a reserved and shy type of girl, this is why I am better at articulating my thoughts through written discourse and argumentation compared to spoken one. Even though I want to join rallies and be a student activist, I cannot commit to it because of how heavy the responsibility that comes with it. However, through twitter, I am able to express my political views freely and without being judged by others.

Blue Repertory’s (BluRep’s) Spring Awakening, as the title implies, is about the blooming and blossoming of teenage girls and boys. Without a context nor background of what the play is about, the setting I perceive from it is that of the more conservative times in Germany, perhaps the 19th century. Boys and girls are not exposed to the sexual realities and behaviors that they might face sooner or later. They are also denied the activities that express their sexuality. Adults, as much as possible, try to repress the sexual urges and tendencies of the teenagers by denying them the fact that human beings develop not only psychologically and physically, but also sexually. Additionally, Spring Awakening revolves around the emotional and mental struggles of teenagers brought by school and the pressure their parents put on their shoulders.

In the first scene of the play, Wendla, complains to her mother that she still does not how babies are produced in spite of her being an aunt for the second time already. She asks her mother how a child is created, to which the mother could not give an answer. Instead of telling Wendla the reality of procreation, she tells her that for a woman to bear a child, she must love her husband with all of her heart.

The difficulty of Wendla’s mother to tell her about child bearing and sexual intercourse is very relatable, especially in conservative cultures, such as that of the Philippines. I didn’t get to learn about sex, until school taught me about it when I was in the fifth grade. My parents, especially my father, never mentioned to me about procreation and reproduction when I was younger. Only recently that my mom has been able to talk to me about it when I reached 19 years old.

Wendla’s curiosity can be attributed to her being in the puberty or adolescent stage. Now that she is in her genital stage, as per Freud’s stages of psychosexual development, her libidinal desire and drive is reawakened. Now she wants to explore more of her sexuality, like other adolescents. This curiosity with the repression of information and unawareness of the consequences these actions might bring her is dangerous.

As adolescents become more aware of their sexuality and experience more bodily changes, they tend to be act on impulse and act on these bodily desires. It is then necessary that they know he repercussions of these actions. Being aware of the consequences will give them a wider view on things and will help be responsible of their choices and actions. Not disclosing to them these things is more likely to cause harm than good for them. By knowing these things, they will know why they should not engage in such activities, or what they must do.

Melchior, on the other hand, has the plethora of resources and knowledge one needs to know about sexuality. He was informed, yet he didn’t use this information wisely. He disregarded the knowledge he has and still engaged in a sexual activity with Wendla. Perhaps he acted on impulse, or his desire overshadowed his logic.

Meanwhile, Moritz, is a relatable character because of his struggles with his academics. Many parents pressure their children into getting high grades to prepare them for the future. Aside from this, they also do this so as they have something to take pride of. They are sometimes more concerned of how other people would think instead of how their children are being affected by their constant demand and high expectations. This creates a barrier between the parents and their children. As they continuously pressure them, the more they grow distant and the more they damage their mental health. Moritz, as he cannot tolerate the pressure his dad places on him and the disappointment he caused his parents, committed suicide.

Fraternities or fraternal organizations are supposedly where one finds a sense of brotherhood or sisterhood he or she is seeking for. However, when one says the word 'frat' noawadays, the thing that automatically comes into mind is hazing, which is their initiation process that involves harassment and violence.

Tanghalang Ateneo's play AKO revolved around the narrative of six men — Santi, Sid, Ronnie, Arni, Pacoy, and Ding — who wanted to join the fraternity Alpha Kappa Omega (AKO). These boys journeyed to becoming fratmen and endured the pain and embarassment that come with it, all for their desire to be a member of AKO.

Joining AKO was not easy. All of them had to do shameful things so that, according to the "masters", their egos would be toned down. They were poked fun of and physically beaten. But they managed to get through all of these things for their own reasons.

They wanted to join AKO, for individual reasons. For Sid, it was the thought of being powerful that motivated him. Sid's Id, being satisfied by the principle pleasure, prevailed — instead of following his superego to not avenge Arni, he followed his Id and gave in to his violent tendencies.

Santi wanted to find a place or group where he can prove his masculinity. Pacoy got tired of being treated as a "baby girl" by his mother. For me, both Santi and Pacoy weren't able to look beyond the looking-glass self. Their self-concepts were just reflections of the responses and evaluations of other people in their environments. This self-conception of theirs were passive; they just let the society and the people around them define them. This pushed them to find a way to change others' perceptions about them.

Ronnie wanted to join to be like his dad who is also a fratman. I think this is his way of identifying with his parent. Because he looked up to his dad too much, he wanted to become like him, which is by also being a fratman. Also, this is a way to please his dad because he wanted him to join the same frat as his.

Ding joined because of the bullying he experienced when he was younger. He no longer wanted to be bullied so he joined a fraternity to prove that he, too, can be strong. And perhaps to someday prove that he is not just someone to be bullied.

Arni was convinced by his bestfriend, Sid. This shows how much our peers influence us. We try to identify with them, as well as we try to with our parents.

Affirming AKO's motto, "Ang simula at wakas ay kapatiran," they did find brotherhood through the things they experienced together. Because there can be no other people who can be their support system, and who would understand what they were going through, they became each other's friends and brothers.

Unfortunately, the brotherhood they had wasn't all there is. The fraternity numbed them through all the things they went through. They managed to get through all the physical beatings and the emotional havoc the masters put them through, but they lost what it is like to be a human. In the end, it was intensified toxic masculinity that grew inside them. They weren't humans anymore — they became robots, manipulated and not supposed to feel any sort of emotion.

Men are allowed to be however and whatever they want to be. They are allowed to be masculine and feminine at the same time. They must be given the freedom to express their emotions and themselves in any way they want to.

One way or another, we all want to feel like we belong. However, the belongingness that we desire should not have to compromise our own self. A group that is healthy for us is one that gives us the opportunity to grow and develop as a human person. It opens up doors for us, and creates a safe space.

Who is that girl I see Staring straight back at me?

I'm pretty sure most people have already heard this line from Lea Salonga's song "Reflection" from Disney's Mulan. In Science, reflection is produced when a surface does not absorb the light energy and bounces the waves away from the surface. In English, as defined by Collins Dictionary, is the image one sees in a water or glass or mirror. Thus, a mirror shows a reflection of someone or something.

According to Gecas and Schwalbe, Cooley's idea of the looking glass-self is the self-conception that is based on the responses and evaluations of others in our environment. This implies that the way we evaluate ourselves is affected by the evaluations others have of us, and by how we perceive those evaluations.

In this context, the "mirror" is not referred to as a tangible object that shows reflection. Instead, mirrors or social mirrors are the reference groups and significant others. These people are the ones whose opinions we usually value.

After doing the activity assigned to us, I realized that my awareness about myself is sufficient but there are still some traits that others see in me that I do not see in my self. I know myself to a great extent but there are still things that I am yet to learn about myself.

I also realized that I tend to overlook the positive aspects of my personality. The way other people see me is more positive compared to how I see myself. Perhaps, my perception of how I present myself to them is a bit different from how they make out of it.

It's amazing how sometimes there are parts of us that are concealed from our own view. Similarly, there are parts of us that are concealed from our significant others. I think, no matter how close two persons are, they can still never completely know each other. I remember my THEO 11 professor, Mr. Johnson, saying something similar (non-verbatim): "Years into my marriage with my wife, and yet there are still a lot to learn about her." A lifetime is not enough to fully know anyone.

My personal take on the looking-glass self and beyond the looking-glass self, is that both contributes to who we are. While it is not healthy to just rely on others with regards to how we see ourselves, it is still necessary to seek for others evaluation of us. After all, no man is an island. We are all social beings and part of our daily life is the interactions we make with the people around us and our surroundings. For me, considering both the way others see us and the way we see ourselves is necessary to knowing who we are.

    Socialization is the process by which an individual gets to prepare himself for membership in a given society. By socializing with the other members of the society, the individual takes in new knowledge and insights, and develops new skills. Likewise, the societal structure also has implications on the individual himself. The abundance and scarcity of resources available to the person can say something about the formation of his or her self-efficacy and esteem. Additionally, his or her capacity to utilize these resources also can impact the degree of efficacy of the individual.

    Unlike most students in Ateneo, I come from a lower middle-class to upper lower-class family. My father is a government employee, while my mother stays at home managing the household. Without my scholarship, my family could not afford sending me to Ateneo or to any university that needs a tuition fee. In fact, the money I get for my allowance in Ateneo helps me so much in my needs for school. Without it, my family would struggle more. With this scholarship I have, I’m able to ease the financial burden of my family even by just a little. Due to our limited financial power, some things that are considered normal for the rich become luxuries in our perspective. This I accept, however. Albeit we are living a simple life, I am not having troubles in my academics, which is something that makes things tad bit better for me.

    Because of the financial constraints my family experiences, I need to manage my expenses. I need to spend less and to budget my allowances. Part of this is to also save money to buy the things I want. Because my parents couldn’t give me extra money and buy me the things I like, I separate and save a small portion of my food money so that I can buy them. As much as possible, I only spend a minimum amount for food.

    Sometimes when I look at my blockmates and my other friends in Ateneo, I wish that I can also have the kind of life they are living. I think to myself that it would be a lot easier if my family has the same financial capabilities as their families. Perhaps I would not struggle financially if I have a life like theirs. I don’t necessarily “envy” them, but I just think my life would be a little better and lighter if we are as financially capable as them.

Usually, when I am a having a bad day, all I need is a piece of candy or chocolate or ice cream, or anything sweet for my mood to shift from bad to good. According to Susan Bowerman, a registered dietician, this kind of cravings originated from long-established patterns or memories from our childhood when we are calmed down or rewarded with sweets.

Oblivious to stangers' feelings and circumstances, my groupmates and I wanted to do something sweet for our fellow Ateneans. We thought of giving out lollipops with positive messages and quotations attached to them inside the Ateneo. Through this small act, we aimed to increase the positive affect of our fellow Ateneans, especially now that we ourselves are physically, emotionally, and mentally distressed about the requirements for our courses.

Preparing the lollipops - cutting out the message strips and attaching them - was not really much of a hassle. If anything, it lightened up my mood for I did it with my friends. Albeit we had a hard time affixing the strips to the lollipops, finishing the task made us feel accomplished. Likewise, handing out the lollipops to our fellow Ateneans was fun. Seeing them smile, and seeing them eat the food we gave to them made our day.

Doing an act of kindness for others also does something for us. I remember one argument from the FRIENDS series. According to Joey, no act of kindness is not selfish; doing something good to and for others also brings us satisfaction and happiness. This activity of ours reminded me about this because while we were doing an act of kindness to others, we were also doing something good for ourselves - we are also rewarding ourselves the joy one gets from giving.

Things I am grateful for:

Lights for Hope

I woke up early today as I volunteered to be a facilitator for a school-wide event, Lights for Hope. Five o’clock in the morning and I was already up preparing for the long day ahead. The commute from Mandaluyong all the way to Katipunan was pretty smooth since it was early. I arrived on time for the event.

At the event, I met kids of ages 7 to 16. As an introverted and serious person, at first, I really had a hard time getting along with them. I knew they didn’t like me that much as a facilitator because I wasn’t that energetic. I didn’t know how to act around kids two to four years younger than me. It, honestly, drained me at first. But as the day progressed, and the event came to an end, I realized that it was tiring yet fulfilling.

I am grateful to have been a facilitator for LFH today.

Getting the rest I deserve

Being a facilitator for LFH drained the life out of me. It was a fulfilling yet tiring experience. The physical exhaustion from the event occurred to me only after I got home, ate, and cleaned myself. I immediately wanted to rest then. One of the things I am grateful for today is the fact that I got to rest for I know that the incoming week will be a stressful one with all the long tests and academic requirements I need to accomplish.

My family’s safety throughout the day

As a college student who commutes everyday, the only time I get to see my family is when I get home. I only get to see them for maximum five hours every weekday because when I get home, the only thing I want to do is to sleep. Even on a Saturday (today) when I am supposed to just be at home with my family, I needed to go to school.

That is why, I am grateful that no one in our family got hurt or encountered any accident when they were out. It’s always a thing to be thankful for - going home and knowing that they’re all safe.

Where Local Meets Global

With globalization comes the mixture and hand-in-hand interactions of several cultures and identities. The fusion and combination of these cultures impact the growth and development of people from different parts of the world. It creates the existence of hybrid identities that incorporates both the local and global identities.

Because of the improved technologies and media, information - the most important commodity today - is much easily disseminated and received nowadays. Access to different resources, especially for academic and entertainment purposes, is not a problem anymore. A plethora of platforms are present where available materials, videos, electronic books, audios can be obtained. This is very helpful as it makes everything easier now. Relating to and being empathetic towards people of different backgrounds is now a much smoother process.

The local identities and aspect of myself that I use in interacting with people of the different communities or groups I belong in, are in sync with that my global identities. With these global identities of mine - my being a part of various fandoms such as Korean pop, anime, etc. - I was able to establish local friendships that has been enduring for years now. On the other hand, my local identities  such as belonging to a family and being a Filipino, helps me connect with the world in a sense that we all have families and a nation we are a part of.

"The first one to be attached loses.”

One way or another, we already heard or read this line or something similar to it so many times by now. They say that the ones who catch feelings and who absorb emotions first lose, because these things imply being hurt. It is as if human emotions had become viruses that we all avoid as much as possible. This is the reason why nowadays, most people act detached and despise attachment.

Interacting with different people, I had come to notice that most act in a nonchalant manner – showing little to no care at all, acting cold and distant, living life with a superficial approach. Yes, I would pretty much say that the detachment, indeed, has become a culture and practice for most people in our generation.

Attachment had become a taboo. Nowadays, we would rather be detached than attached. Well, we could not blame anyone about it because the former involves no sensibility and pain, while it is the other way around for the latter. Our tight grip onto something or someone sometimes just brings us pain. Sometimes this pain does not leave us. Instead, it continues to live inside us and slowly turns into a hardener – numbing and compacting our hearts.

The cycle does not stop, it just goes on and on but with different people entangled in the mess. What we are not aware of is that while we ourselves are hurting, we are also unconsciously bringing agony and distress to others. Our detachment affects other people in ways we aren’t fully aware of. Sometimes it hinders other people to form attachment with us and to express how they honestly feel about us. Similarly, many are afraid to express affection towards another person just because they do not want to appear needy or over-the-top. It creates a barrier that may be penetrated, however would be a big challenge to do so. What’s even disheartening is that many people wear detachment as if a medal, full of pride and indifference.

Because of this culture of detachment, desultoriness has become a norm. Many would just go being half-interested in something, and half in-the-moment. Likewise, people would go exerting only half the amount of effort they could be exerting. We became fearful giving our all, only to not be receiving the same thing back. Ultimately, we became detached to the idea that one day everything we give will find their way to be given back to us.

What we are forgetting is that human beings are imitative creatures, given the circumstances that permit us to do so. If shown enormous effort and kindness, we find a way to reciprocate these. On the other hand, if welcomed with a tidbit of energy and interest, we exude lethargy and apathy. Clearly, this just shows that what we give away tends to be recompensed.