The Quotidiots

Don't get me wrong, I want people to read books. But the most important book they should be reading... is Facebook.

I gotta take a Winnie the poo.

Hope your New Years Eve was rockin'! P.S. I'm still alive!

I'll miss the burritos.

You know, this new 'Night at the Museum' movie doesn't look very good. Maybe I'll cancel that one next.

You sure about that, Seth?

From now on I'm just gonna write books.

Can you smell what the Rock is cooking? (Pause) No? (Pause) It's eggplant parm. (Pause) Shit, is the oven not on?

3 hoes are more than enough for me.

We're gonna take a break from our coverage of the SONY leak so that I can take a SONY leak.

Where's MY friggin' Kennedy Center Honor?

Who beefed?

Who wears short shorts? This guy.

My actual name is Roy Banana.

In my world, every Friday is Black Friday.

It's not even 9 am on the west coast and I'm already farting like I've eaten three plates of turkey and stuffing.

I feel like I got shot all over again when they read that verdict last night.