The Poor Balladeer

(to the tone of creep by radiohead) but i'm asleep. on mypillow

the foreboding sense of doom? oh yeah i know that one. just double check you have your wallet, keys and some chapstick, works every time

was expecting to reblog this with a tongue-in-cheek reply to the many people saying "this didn't fix me :(" but somehow not a single person in the notes is disagreeing. everyone's just nodding their heads thoughtfully bc yeah that's how you deal with the Foreboding Sense Of Doom, that's good protocol

Do the Doorway Macarena: pat yourself down repeatedly to the tune of your panicking soul.

DOORWAY MACARENA

forced love confessions are whatever but forced hate confessions make me foam and froth at the mouth. show me someone visibly tormented by their own catharsis, wracked with the shame of losing a fight with themself. show me someone who leans in and twists the hand clutching the knife buried to the hilt inside them. cross the wires of desire and disgust with me.

+ don't forget to have them both throw up afterwards also

woo i am such a fan of dramatic plants. just prissy fucking plantlife, be it unreasonable or implacable or ostentatious. plants, man

so you’ll reblog THIS and my Non-Comprehensive List of Cursed Bird That Piss Me Off, but Whimsical Creatures Failing To Tempt Me Into The Ocean is where tumblr draws the line huh

PROPORTIONALLY SPEAKING

can't stop thinking about how hysterical project hail mary would be from rocky's pov when you consider that, by eridian standards, basic human functioning is simultaneously an incredibly hostile and violently perverted body horror fetish nightmare. imagine you make first contact with an alien and it's an apex predator with an obscene number of orifices, made up mostly of toxic substances that it oozes constantly from said orifices, thrives in an unforgivingly cold and suffocating atmosphere, is highly motivated by searching for its next meal + consumes its food publicly in violation of your society's main taboo, and is capable of rapidly transitioning from vulnerable in sleep to alert and in full possession of its faculties at the slightest change in stimuli. grace is in a heartwarming scifi buddy comedy and meanwhile rocky is bonded with and planning on bringing home his species' equivalent of the xenomorph.

*sighs* we sent four astronauts up and four came back huh

Were you expecting more?

five was the bare minimum for me

oh well. there's still the moon ghosts

good night & sweet dreams to people who haven’t gotten that tattoo yet, people wearing sweaters even if it’s still too warm, people w/ crooked noses, teenagers who don’t know yet how much better things will be, people who prefer not to use emojis bc the eyes look like they’re watching u from any angle, anyone who uses mouthwash bc brushing every night is hard, people who are kind when society tells them kindness is unnecessary, people who use subtitles, anyone who did that one specific ritual i TOLD you not to do i TOLD you the invocation would have dire consequences and now LOOK at the state of the world, what have you done sweet jesus what have you done, people who foster pets, and that one lady i made out with during a 2018 halloween party who told me i had “tiny eyes but they see too many things” and then kissed my nose before wandering off to find a bathroom. i hope you all get a good night’s sleep, please know i am watching 

I’m sORRY I THOUGHT IT WAS FOR A DEMON BF, OK????

when has a forbidden archaic ritual EVER gotten you a demon boyfriend??????? when has that ever happened??????

sexualising a blade sliding between the gaps in plate armour

yes it's obviously penetrative imagery but it's also + more importantly about the intoxicating, terrifying helplessness of being violently reminded of the limitations of your attempts to defeat your own vulnerability

creating a series that acronyms to NSFW so that nobody can tag shit

Hotel Transylvania

I'm sobbing oh my god

Wait why does Dracula refer Joanne as *his* daughter?

if your child marries someone, that partner becomes your daughter-in-law or son-in-law. 

This is like an archeological dig site but the philosophers are still alive and talking

please be careful with these, they’re antiques

i literally said “even the cop gets in trouble” like, yesterday

Oh right that’s toby fox