Just the Story of A Girl

You like New York City in the Daytime

I like New York City in the nighttime

You say you like sleeping with the air off

I don't, I need it on

You like the light coming through the windows

I sleep late, so I just keep 'em all closed

You ignore the music on the radio

I don't, I sing-a-long

I don't ask for you to change, baby no no no

And you don't ask for me to change

Tell me how we're not alike

But we work so well and we don't even know why

Funny how the stars crossed right

'Cause we work so well and we don't even know why

We don't even know why, no no

We don't even know why, no no no

Cold outside and you're just in a T-shirt

I have cold blood even in a sweater

You start your night sippin by the kilo

I don't, I know you know

Somehow we end up on the same side

And you wouldn't think that we'd be alright

You think after watching every 'romance' movie and reading every sexy novel, you would know when you found 'the one.' After everything I have seen on any source, I have learned in my few decades of life that you should NEVER EXPECT THAT TYPE OF LOVE. NEVER EXPECT THAT TYPE OF ROMANCE. NEVER EXPECT THAT TYPE OF TREATMENT.

Love like they show in anything for people's entertainment is as likely as seeing a pig fly past your house.

You can love someone until you are blue in the face, but the way people are these days, you can not trust anyone. EVERYONE IS SELFISH.

I am a strong believer that you can truly only trust yourself.

All of the experiences that I have had, shows me that no matter what, people break. Your bestfriend will eventually give out your darkest secret. Your boyfriend will eventually do something that may break your heart. Your parents will talk about you with the rest of your family. Your co-workers will be jealous enough to undermine your hardwork. NO ONE IS 100% for you EXCEPT for YOU.

You will always be your biggest fan. You will always hold onto your deepest secrets until you die. You will always pull yourself up when you get knocked down. You will ALWAYS be there when the storm comes and make it until the moment it passes.

On the other hand, you can also be your biggest enemy. Only you control the choices that are made each day. You can choose to push forward but you can also choose to let go. You can choose to hold a grudge but you can also choose to forgive.

Forgiveness is the rarest thing in the world and is also the most treasured. A person that can forgive someone for their mistakes, deserves a round of applause. I myself used to hold grudges for YEARS. I would ignore, trash talk, and overly gossip about people that had done me wrong.

I finally realized that this doesn't solve anything.

People grow. From a baby learning how to walk to a teenager just learning how to drive. We evolve as people. Not only physically but also emotionally.

I have finally reached a point in my life, where I can see the difference. I remember feelings of loss when a friend would move on merely over rumors or disagreements. YEARS of friendship and they throw it all away because they are unable to FORGIVE and never realize how special it is to have a certain person in their life.

That is what grudges do to you. I always use to cry and beg people not to go. I would apologize, grovel, and suck up to people who could not find the ounce of love in their hearts to forgive someone for being human and making a mistake.

I wish that life was like you see in the movies. I pray for that type of love, type of family, type of friends. At the end of the day, only some of the people in this world will get close to experiencing this type of love. This does not mean that you should settle for being physically or mentally abused, or staying in a toxic relationship. It means that even if you disagree with someone or they do not fulfill your 'perfect man' scenario, you should ALWAYS give them a chance to grow. To learn you. To learn themselves. The room to make mistakes.

I use to be so full of light. I can still remember my smile and laughing so hard that my sides hurt. These days, I never usually even get close to that type of hysteria. I feel... nothing. No happiness. No motivation. No longing for being a better.. me. I don't know what I've lost, so how am I even able to start looking for it? I spend some days just thinking how hard everything is. How repetitive. I go to work, I come home, I either clean/cook/do nothing then I fall asleep late. I wake up early, wishing I could sleep longer and I restart all over again. What's the point? Yeah I guess that occasional weekends I can either party and spend the whole next day recovering. Clean just for it to be dirty a few hours later. Or I could stare at my phone, my TV or have my nose in a book and feel guilty when Monday rolls around.

I ask myself every day, WHY? WHY do I stay? WHY do I keep fighting?

I'm not super religious. I believe that there is a god somewhere who probably doesn't draw his line of who he likes at a deli isle, or by our fashion sense, but I believe that SOMEONE is in charge of where we start and what we have to work with.

Everytime I start to think these thoughts of pointlessness I remember a quote that I heard so long ago: We are never put through anything that we are unable to handle.

This quote seems so lame when I write it down, but it's the only thing that keeps me in this fight. In this downhill spiraling battle to find my purpose. My soulmate. Me.