I remember when I was younger than I am today. I never fell in love- not like today. A feeling lingers within my being (something composed of more than layers of skin and cells) constantly reminding me that I am getting older, that I don’t feel as much the magic of my youth as it slips away from my finger tips and I think I’ve been holding on pretty tight. I knew I had more time then, I knew I could sit back and think as much as I wanted to, but I’ve seen the world now. The marks on my calendar reflect time passing me by, not really building up to anything. And I wonder everyday how do I escape again? Why doesn’t my escape feel comforting as it once did? Maybe it’s because I am who I’ve become and there is no more excuses. I have no more excuses. I have choices and the ability to make them my reality. The point of this post I think has been tracked onto a separate path of introspection but I meant to reflect on you. I meant this to be a moment of reflection about someone I fell in love with. An every single day sort of preoccupation, you are. I mold the memory of you just alittle as my feelings have caved in deeper. Could I be in love so deeply and not have a sole to stand on? Have the choices I’ve made not revealed themselves as answers to the most important question and that is, “how do you feel about me” ? It seems like every time you walk away I’m left with more questions than answers because I can’t understand the language you are speaking, lacks verbal communication and instead seems to engage every limb of your being as it gestures back to me something like a stand alone “no I won’t.”
The answers alway stare back at you, and it doesn’t matter if you can’t understand what they mean, because you simply will not all at once.
