The Penniless Dragon

Making bread can seem like a fussy time waster for trust fund hipsters, but we have found an incredibly simple recipe from dontwastethecrumbs.com that only requires a bit of planning and almost no hands on effort. It’s cheap, and perfect for making over the weekend when you can leave it and forget about it and go back to your entertainment of choice.

Essentials:

Cast iron Dutch oven

Mixing bowl

Ingredients:

3 cups all purpose flour

2 tsp salt

1 tsp active dry yeast

1 ½ cups room temperature water

Instructions:

Combine flour, salt, and yeast in appropriately sized mixing bowl. Stir.

Add water. Mix well. Dough will be hard to stir and shaggy. This is normal. Don’t worry, you didn’t screw it up.

Cover with a towel and let rise overnight at room temperature, 8 - 18 hours. If you’re in a comparative hurry, put the bowl over something warm, like a stereo, an oven, or a heating vent. Just make sure it’s only warm, about body temperature at the maximum, and check on your dough so it doesn’t turn into the furry slime monsters the Third Doctor was so fond of fighting. If your yeast is healthy the dough should bubble and rise.

It’s been at least 8 hours (give or take). You’re starving. Flour hands and workspace, form dough into a vague spherical lump. Don’t be afraid to use a flamboyant amount of flour; this will save your fingernails and counters from being encrusted in rocklike dried dough. Do not knead. Let rest another hour (yes I know, it’s terribly unfair. Snack on a granola bar if you’re too hangry to not contemplate murder).

After dough has rested 30 minutes, preheat oven to 450 and put the dutch oven in the oven - ovenception - minus lid. Leave in until bread has rested 30 more minutes.

Remove pot from the oven, flour it lightly, set dough in pot. Put lid on pot. Bake in the oven for 30 minutes.

Remove lid, bake for another 15 minutes, or until top is golden brown.

Remove from oven. Allow to cool for thirty minutes in a spot where air flow can breeze past the top and the bottom of loaf. A wire rack is nice, or you might be able to use a cold burner, or a wide mouth cup. Or, if your talent is telekinesis, congratulations, you are the future of bread making.

Foaming hand soap is nice. It feels better to wash with than a slimy bar of soap and it keeps your sink cleaner. However, it’s also bloody expensive to buy an entire new container every time the dispenser is empty. But just because the liquid is gone doesn’t mean the dispenser magically stops working: you can refill them. No, not with packs you buy from the store. You can make your own.

All you need is an ounce or two of liquid dish soap that you like feeling on your skin and some water. We buy dispensers that are 10 ounces, and the ratio is about one part soap to four parts water.

Empty the dispenser. Pour in the dish soap. Fill it up with water. Give it a nice shake to mix everything thoroughly. Pump the dispenser up and down a few times to get to flowing again.

You can also add a few drops of your own blend of essential oils to your soap, or, if you're really feeling rich, you can buy a natural liquid castille soap from your local health food store.

That’s it. You’re able to wash your hands without doing an imitation of a camel trying to drink a bog through a straw.

If you really don’t want to waste any soap at all, do this in a clean sink just before you wash dishes. It doesn’t matter if you use hot or cold water.

Eventually, after a few years, your dispenser will get really old and grimy and it will break. Then you can go out and buy a new one. But just refilling them with dish soap saves a lot of money over the years.

Cleaning cast iron can be a bit intimidating; you don’t want to destroy the seasoning, but you also want to clean the nasty crusty bits off.

It’s best to clean your cast iron right after you use it. If you leave the pan dirty for a week, the pan will get rusty.

If there are considerable nasty bits on the pan, heat it on high on the burner. Remove from heat and let cool.

Using a bit of hot water, scour the pan, preferably with a stainless steel chainmail scrubber (you'll feel like a badass). Rinse.

Put the pan on the stove over medium heat. When hot, add a bit of neutral oil and swirl. Gently swipe off the excess oil with a paper towel. The towel be will be noticeably dirty if the pan is rusty. Remove pan from heat. Don’t get distracted and forget it’s on the stove until you smell something vaguely like burning cars.

Congratulations! You have successfully taken care of your cast iron. Now you can tuck it in and kiss it goodnight.

If you are renting a room, staying in your car, or are in an unstable living situation, you probably don’t always have access to a kitchen. If you can buy an appliance for your room, an electric kettle is probably your best bet as the things you can make with it are versatile and it’s easy to carry with you, since it isn’t as bulky as a microwave. A small cooler would also be a good investment. Here are some suggestions for foods that can be cheap, healthy and/or filling and are easy to prepare and store:

If You Have An Electric Kettle:

Packets of instant oatmeal, or homemade instant oatmeal link

Instant coffee, or pre-ground coffee if you have a French Press etc. and access to a sink.

Tea

Ramen or any kind of instant noodle bowl

Instant macaroni and cheese

Packet soup

Instant mashed potatoes

Dashi

Foods Not Requiring An Electric Kettle:

Shelf stable vegetables

Pretzels

Crackers

Juice squeezes

Cereal

Powdered milk

Chips

Dried fruits

Energy bars

Canned fish

Canned meat

Canned fruit

Jerky

Trail mix

Milk that is packaged in shelf-stable boxes

If You Have a Cooler or a Cold Place to Store Things

Cooked/cured meat (including things like hamburger and chicken. Just because it’s normally eaten hot doesn’t mean it has to be. If it’s too full of coagulated grease, leave the container on a heater or in the sun for a while)

Cheese, either blocks, slices, or string

Fruit or vegetable plates (either bought or homemade while you can)

Boiled eggs

Yogurt

Canned whipped cream

Handy Condiments To Keep Around

Salt

Pepper

Chocolate sauce

Seaweed flakes

Bacon bits

Tabasco (or the cheapest local hot sauce that you like, search the ethnic food sections, not the white person hot sauce aisle)

If you don’t have a cooler, but you do have periodic access to a kitchen, you can always spend your time in it preparing things like eggs and meat and vegetables to put in the food you make in your room, and make them in the quantities you can eat over a day or two before they go bad. This will give you more nutrition and prevent things from getting so boring.

If you are living in your vehicle, you may conclude that you can’t purchase a teakettle. However, you can get a car converter you can plug that in to your car’s 12 volt socket, and plug the teakettle into the converter, provided it is a 12 volt appliance. Following this, you could also buy other appliances such as a cooler with a fan or a rice cooker. You could also investigate other ways to produce electricity. Invent a really cheap way to produce a solar panel that people can carry with them. The world is waiting.

If you don’t have much income at all, but still need to feed yourself, an electric kettle and a converter from a garage sale could be feasible, as it would most likely not cost more than a few dollars and you can haggle. Also, surf apps and websites such as Offer Up, and Craigslist.