Still Untitled

Siguro darating din yung araw na tatawanan ko nalang yung mga pinopost ko dito. Maitatanong ko sa sarili ko “Ako ba talaga ito?” “Ganon ba talaga ako katanga dati?”.

Me:Sorry Leah dito yung daan ko sa kabila, hihndi kita masasamahan

Her: Okay lang. Sige

Me: Sige bye

(Biglaang lumapit si ano sa likod ko habang wala yung mga kaibigan namin)

Him: Pay saan ka punta?

Me:Doon

Him: Saan?

Me: Doon basta doon.

Him: Magsisimba ka diba?

Me: Ye

Him: Sabay nalang tayo.

Me: Ge

(Lakad-lakad sa sobrang awkward nagpitas-pitas pa kami ng dahon habang naglalakad)

Me: Para

(Medyo lumayo sa isa't isa)

Me: ASASDFDA po

Him: vfdfg po

(Sakay sa tricycle)

Grabe ka awkward talaga super tahimik.

After 3 minutes naisipan mag open ng topic. Nagpapasalamat na madaldal ako.

After a minute tahimik ulit.

Change topic ulit para hindi awkward.

Him: Bye!

Me: Bye din!

1st ako sabi ng teacher ko pero  hindi pa daw sure kasi yung isa kong kaklase incomplete pa, baka saiya yung mag- first.

Sinabi ko sa papa ko, proud siya. Lagi naman siyang proud kahit ano yung matamo namin.

Si mama naman ang sabi ‘1st sa second section’ parang yung tono ng boses niya sinasabi ‘ano rin, second section ka naman’ sila ate naman tinawanan lang ako.

Sige aaminin ko hindi ako ganon ka happy kasi imagine nasa first section ako dati tapos nalaglag ako.Alam mo yun may kulang pa rin. Ang nakakainis pa lagi akong pressured kasi yun nga nalaglag ako so maraming nageexpect tapos pressured ako kasi laging inuulit-ulit ni mama na magkakalaman na daw  kami ng mga anak ng co-teacher niya, pero siya pa itong hindi maka- appreciate.

Compared to last 3 years I think I improved more in these past few months. Naging masipag ako kahit papano. Hindi ko dinedecate para sa sarili ko yung ginagawa ko kundi para sa family, friends at God. Kaya kahit papaano masaya at nagpapasalamat pa rin ako. Hayys. at least may mga naka- appreciate. Para kay papa naman lahat in the first place. I will just strive hard, malay mo makapasok ako sa top 10 ng batch

First and foremost thank you for our friendship and these are the things that I can’t say in front of you and I also don’t have the guts. I write this letter because someday I know our memories will turn to black and white, you and I will meet someone new. 

Did you remember our Grade 5 years, there we saw each other for the first time. We were invited to a workshop wherein the top 5 students of each school were there to attend. I can’t remember it clearly but I knew you were there and you even became an officer and on the top 3 i guess.

It was January 2012 when you first caught my attention, grade 6 to be exact we went on a regional competition and we rode on the same bus from Tagaytay heading to Manila because we were the representatives of our city. I was sitting on the last row of the bus and there you are in front sitting and chitchatting with your classmates it was raining hard that time. One of my classmates said “Tingin ka ba sa harap, makikita mo yung  crush ni K----” I knew that was a joke, but then I've look on your side but instead of finding that guy I have found the nerdy guy with the glasses.  

When we were taking the entrance exam I saw you again, you were with the two guys and a teacher (not sure) I guess the guys were C and P. We passed the test and went on the same school and luckily we have the same curriculum STE but we were not in the same section. My elementary best friend was your classmate, so that was the time we started to hang out and got close with each other. I don’t know what’s with you but one time I was on my way home sitting on the back ride you keep on running in my mind, it wasn’t serious that time so I confess to you. I thought you’re going to hate and got awkward to me, but I was wrong I have gotten closer to you compared to my classmates. When we were going home we went to the talipapa with your classmates and my best friend after that we all separate our ways, I am heading to Valencia and you’re heading to your Mother’s classroom but I saw you there you were looking between the windows. 

I grew up in a squatters area for 8 years, so we visited that area (I can’t remember clearly) with our common friends. You didn’t hate me that’s why I gave you a friendship letter bracelet with your name engraved on it and you even wore it and thank me for that. 

On our second year, we became classmates. I thought I don’t have a crush on you anymore but we became closer. As each day pass by, I got to know you more and your impatient side. One day when we were about to went home you put some pancake mix on my face. Deja vu it is, when I rode the multicab, you keep running in my head again and I can’t contain my feels anymore, I admitted and asked myself “How do I uncrush you”? When my mother bought us a new tab, that was the time I got addicted to facebook and every time you would appear on my news feed I automatically hit the like button and always look at the green circle beside your name on the right side. One time we ate a mais con yelo and I posted “37.4 degree celsius lubayan mo ko. -feeling sick” you commented “Yan kasi dapat hindi ka na kumain” then our convo goes on and I have met your caring side.

We would always went to the canteen together and ate something. When I haven’t eaten lunch yet because I just went there and stay with our classmates because I’m not hungry but suddenly I became hungry and you came to us and said “Kumain ka na, kakain ka, kasi kung hindi ka kakain hindi rin ako kakain” I felt guilty so I decided to eat. You were so sweet, you haven’t noticed it, that’s why A, A, P, W, M, M, E, L, L, D, C were also into you lol I have so many rivals huh. Coincidentally, we always became groupmates we both jokingly said to each other “Nasasawa na ako sayo”. The best grouping we had was the calendar making because we both love photoshop and hunger games so we really cooperated. One more thing is we have the same hobbies and favorites. We’re always assigned if there’s a project related to photoshop like the photo booth.

It’s hard to live like this.

It’s hard to pretend that I do not care.

It’s hard to act  like we were nothing.

It’s hard to communicate when they are around.

I hate the fact that you are better.

I hate the fact that you are there and I am here.

I hate the fact that I like you without assurance,

But still it will always be you and only you.

My life is like a glasses, my vision will be blurry without you.

But there is one thing I am sure of,

We are connected by an invisible thread and;

This week is one of my best weeks ever. So many firsts

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-I sang in public for the first time and it's a doxology (I see you lord)

-I rode the sidecar with my friends

-I Ate Lomi wt my friends

-I watched the street dance late at night with a friend.

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-Nothing special happened but I'm happy

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-We joined the parade

-I change clothes in public(lol)

-I watch the fireworks beside him

-We rode the ferris wheel wt friends