You don't even try to consider walking home. The rain has no mercy on you or your clothes, raindrops falling with purpose right down the back of your neck, cold and mean. Mentally, you make a note to wash your hair tonight. Again.

You catch a glimpse of your face in the large window of a store, raindrops racing to the bottom leaving behind wet tears. A groan is stuck in your throat at the sight of yourself. To put it straightforward you look… rough. Scammed again by the so-called waterproof mascara. You can't tell if it's the poor reflection of the window due to the rain or if this is truly what you look like. You look exhausted, evident that you're on the last strings of life.

Eyes shifting you finally let your scrutinising gaze leave the window, heading straight for the metro station. Many others follow, probably coming to the same conclusion as you and deciding to not torture themselves by walking home in this weather. Umbrellas come to a quick close, drops of rain flying in your face. Your fingertips are frozen with slight frostbite as you try and get your phone out. You're lucky your phone even recognises you to let you into your bank account.

A quick tap and you're past the manic barriers that show no warning if they'll open or close. You attempt to remind yourself that every soggy step you take towards the platform is a step closer to home. Disorganised, the platform is near full with people both waiting on opposite sides that will either take them east or west of the city. An unclear divide.

You stand near a group of college kids, headphones plugged in, their own personal soundtrack playing from their curated playlists. You can't remember the last time you checked the charts, you've been too busy lately.

Tapping, you swipe mindlessly through your notifications. The screeching of wheels on a track echoing from the endless pit indicate that your train is arriving soon. One minute — no less and you'll be stuck between the bodies of other soaking strangers in a stuffy old carriage that is overdue on maintenance.

In a breath, flashlights appear at the entrance of the endless pit and the train speeds by, gray metal becoming a blur to your eyes. People crowd at the edge of the platform, toes over the faint yellow line, estimating where the doors will stop. There's barely enough space for those getting off to even breathe, having to find gaps in a sea full of people to disembark.

You become a shadow to the college kids in front of you, a physical foreshadowing of what their life will look like five years from now. Overworked, underpaid and struggling to survive in a city that has little sympathy for you.

The train comes to a slow stop, a cringe sound fills your ears as the wheels come to a slow stop on the worn out tracks. A beeping sound is heard, a war cry for those preparing to fight for their place. The doors fly open and people rush out, squeezing past you some polite enough to mumble their 'excuse me's.'

Businessmen, a woman with pram and chatty teenagers who couldn't care less about the rush hour come out the doors. The second that there's a gap to slip into the carriage you lean forward, positioning yourself between two individuals whilst making sure you get a hold of the pole. Living in the city for the past few years has made you a veteran of the underground. Bodies are pressed against you and you automatically suck in your breath as if it helps to create space.

The rhythmic beeping is heard again, warning that the doors will shut. You hear the doors close with a heavy thud, holding no mercy for those who have missed the train just by a few seconds. The train moves and your body lurches forward with it, the name of the next station announced by the automated voice. It's only now, thrown into the endless pit of darkness, that you look around at your surroundings. Illuminated lights and adverts by the metro company remind you to pay for your journey in threat of fines that even you're not sure you could afford.

Your eyes gaze over the other travellers, studying each individual for a few seconds or so before they catch you looking at them. Pupils search for your next individual before your eyes finally land on someone.

A figure who stands out from the rest.

Soggy pink hair, his thrifted leather jacket drips and makes a puddle where he stands by the closed doors. He doesn't see you, eyes focused on the phone in the palm of his hand as he scrolls— or texts it seems. You wonder how he even gets service down here.

The face tattoos are just like you remembered — a sudden flash or a memory of nostalgia hits you like a wave as you recall the rare morning where you woke before him and found yourself tracing the tattoos across his face. He woke up. Of course he did, he was always a light sleeper. You remember that morning being one of giggles and whispers of secrets underneath the sheets before the clock could even strike eight.

But that was back then.

You hadn't seen Sukuna Ryomen in months.

Your apartments weren't that far from each other, in fact, you were sure that he gets off at the same stop. Despite the predictable proximity you hadn't bumped into him at all over the past few months.

Until now.

In fear of bumping into him, you always had a script of what to do if you ever saw him. Some days you would decide to say hi, some days you would decide to give him the cold shoulder. But your paths never crossed where you actually had to put that into action. Until now.

Your eyes can't help but study his figure, like he's a painting hung up in an art gallery. His stature, taller than the majority of people in the carriage. Your eyes fixate on his face, noticing the scrunch of his brows as his lips move slightly, reading whatever was on his phone to himself.

A hand grips the handle above him, knuckles flexing.

His piercings glint under the artificial lights, one of the lights flickering on and off as the train curves around the tunnel soon arriving at the next station. Some people shuffle preparing to get off, other people shuffle wondering if they'll finally get the chance to sit down.

Your body lurches forward as the train comes to a slow stop. This station is busier than the last. You keep your position by the pole, people shuffling in and out blocking your view of your ex-boyfriend.

But the time you see him again, he's looking up, aware of his surroundings and now meeting your eyes.

If he has a reaction he doesn't show it. No furrowed eyebrows. No immediate anger. No surprise that you've ended up on the same train as him. No outburst of emotion is shown on his face at all. Instead, he looks right past you. Like you don't exist and his head ducks down to look at his phone.

And for some reason that makes your heart ache even worse.

You distract yourself with anything that you can see and focus on.

The conversation a girl is having with her boyfriend. The hands of a toddler clapping as he sits on his mother's lap. An advert above you to promote a new moisturiser. A reminder to give up the seat for the old. A harsh reprimand from a mother on the phone. You distract yourself with anything and everything as you fly past the stations, the people on the stations becoming nothing but a blur until the doors open. You study everyone's outfits, wondering what material skirt that is, wondering how many suits that middle aged guy has in his closest.

Wondering if everyone else's socks are currently soaked like yours.

Finally, the announcement of your stop is next and you let out a breath, your body edging nearing the doors. In your peripheral you can see Sukuna preparing to get off, he's edging near you but refuses to look at you all. Barely acknowledging your existence at all. The train comes to a slow stop and you refuse to breathe as the rhythmic beeping echoes. The second the doors open even an inch you watch his body move.

If you're not quick you'll lose him, disappearing into the crowd of people waiting to take your place. In a rush, you push past without thinking, hopping onto the platform.

The yellow lighting over the platform is ugly, stinging at your eyes like always. When the train leaves, the wind blows and scraps of litter dance around the platform to the faint echo of screeching wheels.

The platform is near empty just a clatter of footsteps on concrete as they head up the stairs.

It doesn't take long for you to see a figure with pink hair near them. He's fast, already heading for the barriers by the time you reach the bottom of the stairs. Every step you can feel the dampness of your socks and you have to hold back your shiver. But by the time you reach the barriers he's gone, making his way up.

"Fuck." you curse, tapping your phone before the barriers allow you past.

You follow behind, a desperate or a weird longing to catch up to him.

Emerging from the station, you find a stationary figure lighting a cigarette in the rain.

His name leaves your mouth before you've even had the chance to reconsider your actions.

"Sukuna."

He turns, the half lit cigarette in the corner of his mouth. He meets your eyes and this time his reaction is different to the one you saw on the train. Raised brows, he's surprised that you decided to come after him.

"What?"

Your mouth opens and closes, raindrops landing on your head. Heavy and merciless.

He towers over you, pink locks dark and heavy over his forehead, messy almost tempting to run a hand through it. Your hand shuts in a fist as you anxiously think of your next sentence. It comes out awkwardly, the most cliche thing that you could think. "I haven't seen you around in a while."

He shrugs, curious if this is all you have to say to him. "Been busy."

You can't help but reconsider everything, you seem pathetic in front of him right now. You suddenly remember your appearance and cringe. You look a mess right now and he looks…

fucking better than ever. A sharp jawline and even despite the thick leather jacket you can tell he's been bulking.

The rain continues and somehow, his cigarette doesn't seem to be going out any time soon. You watch his lips take a puff, his chest rising and falling as he blows out smoke, his snakebites glinting. "You seem well." he says and you're not sure if he means it.

A sarcastic laugh leaves your throat, raw. "Yeah, I guess I forgot my umbrella today."

He hums.

"You going home?" you ask. You don't even know why you're so desperate to continue this conversation. It feels like you're practically clawing onto him, nails digging into his skin and begging him not to leave. And that's when your body realises how much you miss him. There's a sudden fear that rises through your body at the thought that you don't know when you'll ever see him again.

"Yep." A pause. "You?"

You nod. "Uh…yeah…I am."

He nods, taking time to consider his next words. The cigarette falls from his lips and he stubs it out with his heavy boots. It wasn't even half near finished. "You busy tonight?"

/

Your apartment looks the exact same.

Sukuna notes the familiarity, his previous anxiety now washed away when he feels the warmth of your living room. His boots can't help but leave a puddle near your door, his leather jacket leaving a trail of raindrops as he follows behind you.

His hand itches for another cigarette, wishing he took one last puff before stubbing it out earlier.

It's almost like he never left at all, the time apart doesn't feel like months but like mere hours.

He studies you, wandering around your apartment kicking your dirty clothes that you failed to fling into your laundry basket, kicking a sock without it's pair under couch, cleaning away your breakfast dishes into the sink. It was more than obvious that you weren't expecting a visitor anytime soon, Sukuna gaining the privilege of being your first in…a while actually.

He's aware that he's soaking, shrugging off his heavy leather jacket before propping on the back of a chair at the kitchen table to dry. You hum awkwardly, unable to think things through. You invited your ex back to your apartment, you could cross that off the list of things you swore you would never ever do.

Now, what?

The silence lingers over the two of you, waiting.

The words slip from your tongue without you even thinking, "You're soaking." Immediately you want to hit yourself in the head. Well, duh.

"So are you." he quips, leaning against the kitchen counter.

The distance between the two of you is safe enough but you could still get to him within two strides for sure. You can feel his gaze, goosebumps spreading across your skin. It's like a ticking time bomb between the two of you and you're wondering that if the distance is safe enough to prevent your skin from being grazed.

There's something you want to ask first. Something that you couldn't help but think the second your eyes saw Sukuna. Something that followed you and provoked you to chase him through the station. Something that hung over you like a weight threatening to drop as you were walking up the stairs to your apartment.

Something you want to ask but you're too scared to know the answer.

And Sukuna can see how nervous you are. The crease between your brow, your lip stuck to your teeth as you bite and peel off your skin anxiously not caring that you're making yourself bleed. Your fingers tap against your kitchen counter, your nails making a erratic rhythm that continues to expose your overthinking.

Sukuna lets out a sigh, picking up on your behaviour. "Just ask me."

"Huh?" You meet his gaze, pupils blown wide at the sudden fear that he's read your mind. But you're not wrong because in a way…he has read your mind. The two of you dated long enough that he can tell what you're thinking without you saying a word.

'You can keep that pretty little mouth shut but your body exposes you' is what he told you once when you were stressed about work. He always saw right through you no matter how hard you tried to cover it up.

"Just ask me whatever you're thinking, I can tell you're thinking about it."

You bite down on your lip, the taste of metal on your tongue as you lick at the blood. "It's stupid."

"I don't care." Sukuna murmurs. His arms flex on the counter. The tattoos that run down his arm on show. "Just say it. Saves you from stalking me later on Instagram."

Your mouth opens and closes in a failed rebuttal. He must have caught onto your fake profile.

You don't check up on him all the time just every now and again when you're alone in your bed and you can't sleep. Or when you've had a breakdown and you check to make yourself feel even worse. Or maybe when you're wearing his shirt that he left behind and told you keep and you suddenly miss his arms wrapped around you.

You decide to spit out your question anyways, leaving all embarrassment and self-judgement out of the window. I guess, your self-judgement was long gone the second you invited him over. "Have you met someone?"

Sukuna isn't surprised by your question and his face shows no reaction. In fact, knowing you, he expected a question like this. "Would it bother you if I did?"

"No." you lie and you avoid his gaze, something Sukuna knows that you do when you lie.

A beat passes before he redirects the question to you. "Have you met someone?"

"Would it bother you?"

Sukuna lets the question hang in the air before addressing it. You wait for his denial to come through but—

"Yes." he decides. "It would."

You shuffle from foot to foot, trying to ignore the heat that rises on the back of your neck. You can feel his eyes on you, basically undressing you, but you don't complain.

You don't complain when he edges towards you, testing your boundaries. You don't complain when he stands in front of you, peering down at you. You don't complain when he cages you in by the counter. You don't complain when he leans down, silently asking for you to kiss him.

And it's clear that you have no complaints when you kiss him back.

Like a dance, the two of you walk backwards through your apartment. Your mouth is still latched on to his, the first tentative kiss had transitioned to a passionate make out, now leading to the couch.

With each step you take an item of clothing is disposed carelessly across your floor.

He moves like he still knows your body — he does know your body. Even after all these months apart, in Sukuna's arms it feels like you've only been separated for an hour.

You fall back on the couch, left in nothing but your bra and your panties. Sukuna, shirtless, takes his position over you. His head dips down, kissing at your stomach. He's slow, slower than usual as if he's taking you in like his last meal. After all, you don't know if this will ever happen again between the two of you.

You wriggle your toes in inpatient, goosebumps appearing across your skin as he dips to kiss at your inner thighs. Breathy gasps leave your mouth, your teeth grazing over the metallic cut on your lip. You should be focused on him, the pink haired man that moves your panties to the side and drools at the sight of your wet cunt. You should be focused on the way his hunger for you has never left but…

you can't help but think about the other bodies that he's explored since you've broken up and there's something in you that makes you freeze. You know it's not his fault and he's entitled to do this to whoever he wants but there's an ache in your heart that makes you pause. Sukuna feels you stiffen underneath him, your thighs slightly caging him in.

Again, he does the thing that you hate the most.

He reads your mind.

You're overthinking again and distracted yourself about god knows what. Moments like these used to annoy Sukuna sometimes. He could be balls deep in you and there would be a moment where you're suddenly insecure to show yourself whole to him.

"Always thinking" he murmurs, not in a criticising tone but more so observing you. He presses a kiss to your slit, your cunt dripping for him already. "Just focus on me. Tell me how good it feels."

You bite back a moan once Sukuna's lips make contact, he doesn't hesitate in the slightest, his jaw working as he slurps up your juices. He's loud and greedy as ever as if his hunger for you never left. His tongue circles your clit, drawing slow and lazy circles to draw out those sweet moans that he's missed. You lean your head back, eyes rolling as your hand finds a spot on his pink locks. Your fingertips grip his scalp when he starts to suck and tease at your clit.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck— it's so good."

Sukuna hums on purpose, the added vibration adding to the build up of the knot in your lower stomach. It's almost embarrassing how quickly he can make you cum, almost in competition with the toys that you've been frequently using since he's been gone. They've done the job well but you miss the intimacy of having someone need you. Having someone want you so intensely, lapping you up as if you were their last meal, showing your importance through action.

Your thighs begin to shake and your breath hitches whilst Sukuna continues his role, eating you out like you're the sweetest thing he's ever tasted. He knows you're close without you even having to say a word, your grip of his hair tightens slightly but it only makes the bulge in his pants grow harder. His mouth doesn't separate at all from your cunt through your climax, you roll your hips slightly and meet his gaze as he licks you clean. There's a shiver than runs through your body as slight overstimulation as he sucks one last time at your clit causing a whine.

His chin is wet, lips plump as his tongue licks at his bottom lip with greed.

Your chest heaves but you can't let go of his gaze. "How many people have you done this for?" you whisper, your eyes watery.

Sukuna rolls his eyes, only now do you open up about what you were thinking and his first thought is to call you stupid. But he doesn't.

"You think I ever liked the thought of you looking like this for someone else? You looking so wet and pathetic for a total stranger." Sukuna climbs over you, slipping off his pants and boxers. His cock springs free, he's hard and red, precum dripping from his tip. "You think any other person could get me hard like this?" He mutters, leaning down to your ear to emphasise these words to you.

You let out a moan, hips bucking and legs spread at the sight. You need more. You want more. You want him inside of you.

"Say it." He orders.

"It's just for you, kuna."

"Exactly."

With a single breath, he enters, your mouth widening as your body learns to take in his length again. You feel a slight burn as he pushes past your entrance but the burn slowly moves to pleasure as he bottoms out. Your eyes meet, a silent glance of reassurance from him. You feel so full but it feels so good, a reminder of what you've been missing over the past few months. Your hands wrap around his shoulders, fingertips digging into his skin for support. Your breath is caught in your throat as you wait. He loves to tease you like this, making you wait for it, sometimes even making you beg for it.

And then he moves—

The living room is filled with panted breaths and moans of pleasure, your back arches from the couch. God, you missed him, you missed this. Sukuna leans down to nip at your neck, placing soft and tender kisses, a complete contrast to his harsh thrusts that cause your entire body to shake. You're envious with how much he remembers; he remembers your sweet spots, all the right places to build you up and then take you down again. You take him so well, so perfectly, like you were made just for him. His cock reaches that spot that makes you see stars, moaning out his name like a prayer which only makes him fuck you harder — with all his might.

Your climax comes simultaneously, you tense around his cock and he shoots his seed deep inside you. Sweat glistens on his skin as you both take each other; naked and vulnerable. You almost don't want him to pull out, already missing the way that he stretches you out.

Neither of you say a word, the glow of the city lights leaking through your apartment window. Reflections of headlights travel across your ceiling, making it from one end of the room to the other before inevitably disappearing.

/

A small flame finds the butt of a cigarette.

It's cold tonight in New York, but at least the rain has stopped. With a gleam, the streets shine underneath the streetlamps and skyscrapers of rich apartment blocks never fail to light the sky. From the open window of your fire escape you are granted the view of thousands of tiny windows, thousands of people showing their lives over the entire city.

Not only do you keep your eyes on the view as you look out the window that leads to your fire escape but you look at the busy street below. A man on one of the city rented electric bikes, a girl with a red scarf trying to keep it in place, the trash that blows in the breeze, the tan shade of yellow taxi cabs — it's views like these that keep you watching, the scenery not changing much, just the characters.

You can never stop looking at the view. Nothing ever changes. Maybe a new tower block built here or there but it still never changes. It's something that you can always rely on to bring you that familiarity that you miss so much.

Sukuna studies your heavy gaze across the city, he's joked in the past that you're more in love in the city than with him but you didn't deny it. You replied in a teasing tone, "maybe I am."

The post sex glow looks amazing on you as always, evident that you needed the release of stress from work and whatever else you have going on in your life. He wonders what else you have going on in your life, since you've made your social media private he's been locked out on your day to day.

He wonders what songs you listen to now, or what views you've been looking at recently, what new restaurants you've been trying in the East of the city or what new street art you've found in the alleys of the city. There's so many questions that he wants to ask but they just seem to be getting lodged in his throat.

Sukuna takes a puff of his lit cigarette instead, inhaling his words deep down inside. Maybe he'd ask you later, if you invite him over again. All of a sudden anxiety rushes through him at the possibility of this being the last time he'll see you again. Sukuna's never really been sure of many things in his life, but this one thing, he is sure of. Before he leaves he'll make the offer to put his number in your phone again even though you haven't forgotten his digits.

But for now he'll continue to watch you as you watch the city, taking it all in, the lights reflecting in your pupils.

"You find anything romantic huh?" He finally comments. He's almost concerned at how little you blink at the view out of fear that you'll miss the rushing image of the bus filled with people or the teenager on his skateboard.

"What do you mean?"

"You always look at this city with this…look in your eyes," he states, "like you find anything pretty, like you're in love."

You hum, recognising the familiarity of this conversation from long ago. "I do." you murmur, resting your chin in the palm of your hand. "I think I find everything romantic in this city, even the things that are ugly or….unappealing."

"Like the rats in the subway?" Sukuna grimaces. "Or the blocks that smell like piss?"

You let a beat pass as you ponder on his suggestions. "Well, when you love someone or something you have to learn to love the bad just as much as the good. So I guess I have to love everything about this city, even the stench."

"No wonder you were stuck with me." Sukuna mutters, the tip of his cigarette lighting as he takes breath.

"Yeah, I guess. I liked the bad parts of you just as much as the good. Maybe even more."

The hum of the city, cars honking, breeze of trash rolling around in the main roads, words of scattered conversations somehow making their way upwards.

"Do you regret it?" you ask.

"Regret what?"

"Liking the bad parts of me?"

"No, why would I?" You ask. "You did the same for me."

"Curious."

"Of course you are, you never stop thinking do you?" Sukuna stubs his cigarette out on the damp fire escape, a slight hiss heard. "Is that why you chased after me in the subway?"

You let out a huff, "I did not chase."

"You were running up those stairs."

"I just— I didn't want to miss you, because then I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it."

"About what?"

"About talking to you. I dunno' I just think I would have regretted it if I didn't."

There's a pause before he throws your question back at you. "Do you regret it?" hesitation claws at his throat. For the first time in forever, he feels nervous asking you this. Like he's asking you out all over again. Like he's dealing with the concept of falling in love with you again.

"I don't. I'm glad I spoke to you." You admit. "But maybe, I would have seen you another time." Sukuna glances at you but you don't take your eyes off the city. "Maybe instead of the subway I would have bumped into at a coffee shop or something,"

"Would you have still spoken to me?"

You nod. "I would've."

Sukuna feels satisfaction in your answer. You're being honest. He can tell. A warmth vibrates through his body, beginning from his toes to the tip of his body — a contrast to the coldness of the city.

Neither of you are sure what will happen between the two of you in a few months, or even, just a few days from now. All you do know is that in a few minutes you'll ask Sukuna to stay for a little bit longer, maybe let him fuck you on the couch again until he inevitably ends up staying for the entire night. You don't know what your future will look like years from now or what this city will look like — whether this view will stay the same or if it will change.

But you find something romantic in the unknown. The unknown of your relationship or whether you'll still be living in this apartment complex tomorrow. You find something romantic in this city. And in him. And in almost everything that you experience. Even the bad things like walking around the city with damp socks.

To classify yourself as a romantic you guess you have to realise that everything is romantic. Even if it means falling in love with your ex again and again despite the possibility that you might end up hurting yourself just as bad as the first time. But you're confident in your decision. Your new motto. And you swear you'll live by it and take on the things that life unexpectedly throws at you because…well,

everything is romantic…right?

There were many things within your previous marriage that Sukuna would say but didn't mean. Like the times he was coming home late, like the times that he told you it was fine when you cancelled on date nights when it really wasn't, like the times that he told you that everything was going to be alright when even he didn't believe it himself.

And at one point he didn't mean 'I love you.'

He rarely said it anyways, back then much preferring to show you physically rather than to say those three words out loud. Perhaps that also tied into the reasons for divorce.

But for the first time in a long time, you believed him. And granted you were drunk and Sukuna is well aware that this outcome may have been different if you had gotten home sober that night but nonetheless he's glad you called.

He waited a bit before picking up the phone. The last thing he needs is to seem desperate and pathetic.

(As if he hasn't seemed that way already by suggesting to call him anytime.)

But Yuji's away in his room, playing one of his video games so Sukuna is sure he won't be disturbed talking to you and there's a part of him that wants to talk to you for as long as possible. He misses hearing your voice. He misses hearing all of the little things; how your day has been, who's been pissing you off at work, how the nosy neighbour that lives across from you is doing and so much more he thinks these questions would be endless.

His default ringtone continues to call out. Until he finally bites the bullet and picks up.

Just from the tone of your voice he already knows that you've had a few drinks. There's a contagious energy to your voice that he knows only alcohol can bring out of you and a part of him wonders what you and the girls have talked about tonight.

He doesn't want to get too ahead of himself but if the first thing you're doing after heading home is calling him, then Sukuna's safe to assume that he was surely the topic of conversation at one point.

You claim that you were just calling to check on Yuji and Sukuna's more than capable of passing the phone over to him but he goes for his selfish instinct.

"Just missed him. He's sleeping." And when he baits you out for still being on the phone to him, he closes in on you even more like you're his prey. "Talk to me."

"About what?" you ask.

"Anything, enlighten me."

And then you go on to talk about everything and anything.

This is exactly what he wanted. The sentences don't stop falling from your lips, you manage to ramble for so long that Sukuna's unable to give a response. It's the alcohol doing this to you but just from your tone he can tell that you've missed having these conversations with someone. With him.

It doesn't have to be important - that's not the point - what's important is just having someone to listen to you as you get everything off your mind and chest and that's what Sukuna manages to grant you. He hums and asks questions in the right places and suddenly an hour has passed.

He knows it's getting late and he promised to take Yuji to the baseball game tomorrow morning. He shoots the question for you to come and join them, he'll pay. Sukuna's tone is casual but his fingers are digging into his palms because he's so nervous.

Denied.

He's not supposed to take it personally but there's something in his lower abdomen that still sinks somehow. You've still got your guard up around him and there's an evident red line that shouldn't be crossed.

He doesn't push, merely taking another route.

"well, if you're busy tomorrow then maybe some other time this week we could- uh - go for drinks or something..."

It was just a suggestion that popped into his mind and the second it leaves his mouth he can sense your hesitation. He's fucked up again, he thinks and to cover his ass he manages to do what he does best.

Lie.

"casual. parent to parent. talk about yuji's behaviour or whatever."

"right, as if it's something that you couldn't tell me right now? you just told me he was fine."

"should definitely be said in person. i can get jin to watch him in the meantime."

When you don't question him as much as you should he knows he's succeeded. You've enjoyed this catch-up conversation as much as he did and you're relying on your own selfish instinct to agree with him. His ideas for drinks are just another chance to keep up with what's been happening over the years. Of course, he asks about your life here and there each time you drop off Yuji but for the first time in a long time he's heard about your thoughts and patterns, something that he once had committed to memory.

He's thrown Jin in it but he knows that he would be more than happy to look after his nephew and perhaps a little too eager to know that the two of you are on proper speaking terms again. Sukuna's still unsure what he wants out of this situation but it's more than obvious through the fluctuations in his lower gut that he does miss you.

Even when he doesn't say it aloud.

When you say goodnight, he calls you baby on purpose. Teasing you. And he hangs up before you can even scold him thinking that he's a genius. He knows he shouldn't be saying it and he has no right to, it's been years but that pet name still slips from his tongue quicker than whiplash. And he doubts that you'll bring it up to his face when he drops Yuji by the end of the weekend.

Once he's hung up the phone he's a little surprised you don't call him back to cuss him out. Either it's too late for you to bother him or for once maybe you liked it.

The silence of the room is imminent as Sukuna now basks in the aftermath of the conversation and his actions.

A hand runs across his forehead. What the fuck was he doing? Asking you for drinks? Making up the excuse that this was simply just to talk about Yuji is a low blow and even he knows that. But at least he got you to somewhat agree with the idea of going out with him and didn't reject it entirely.

He just hopes that you don't plan to bail in the upcoming days.

Checking on Yuji, it's obvious that the boy's knocked out. Sukuna tuts, clearing a little of his stuff left on the floor, turning off the tv screen before switching off his lights.

Content with the quiet and calm state of the house, Sukuna finally heads to his own room. It's not too shabby, a little emptier than most bedrooms but Sukuna didn't have many possessions in the first place anyways. Made it easier to pack and let go of his past, he told himself.

The mattress creaks under his weight and he lets out a groan at the ache of his body. Fleeting, his eyes manage to glance at his bedside drawer. Out of everything in the house, that drawer is the one thing that he rarely opens. Hidden away in the back corner lies his gold wedding ring that he once wore.

Thinking back to your split, it was difficult for him to get used to the lighter feeling on his hand. Some nights he'd glance at his hand noticing that something was missing before the realisation clouded over him. He hasn't worn it since the papers were finalised. He kept the ring on even whilst they were being served and determined, selfishly hoping for the possibility that you would change your mind.

But of course he was wrong.

Somewhere in his house, buried in a stuffed cardboard box, there are pictures of you and him in a few photo albums he's saved from the early years of your marriage. He's documented a lot: the wedding, your pregnancy, Yuji's birthdays. And those pictures specifically cause the most anxiety in his gut.

He still remembers that one night when he flicked through Yuji's birthday pictures right up until Yuji's fifth birthday, the last birthday he had before the two of you separated.

With every photo from each year his eyes land on your face and with each turn of the page he notices how your smile eventually disappears. Your eyes are clearly downcast. To a stranger you'd seem happy but of course Sukuna knows when you're covering it all up.

He should have noticed it earlier. With how distant you were getting and you becoming more quieter and quieter even an idiot would have assumed that you were planning to file for divorce.

And the following year, once it was all finalised Sukuna stopped taking pictures at Yuji's birthday. He still showed up, he always would for Yuji there's no doubt about it but there was no use pretending to be playing a happy family in front of the cameras anymore.

Laying back, Sukuna settled underneath the covers with his eyes now staring at the ceiling. His body is still but his mind is active, running with a thousand thoughts. He thinks about everything, about you, Yuji and of the multitude of reasons for how he has become so different compared to the man in those photos. He's become unrecognisable to himself, his entire life so far from what he had envisioned in the past. Back to sleeping in bed alone at his age? No, that's not what he wanted.

That photo album remains unfinished, blank pages of memories that show the potential of the future he could have had. And there's a smudge of a chance that he'll be able to make them with you and finish that photo album entirely because damn it-

he misses you.

And he swears from this point forward to make this as clear as possible to you again, no matter what.

The waltz between you and Sukuna has started up again. And it's a selfish one. The two of you are pulling each other deeper and deeper into this trance all whilst knowing that inevitably the past will come to hurt you again.

****

sneak peek for part 5 bc im really kind. i'm making it ambiguous (kinda).

"you gave up on me first."

"don't say it like that."

"was he a good fuck?"

"sukuna!"

"don't answer then."

MY TAGLIST IS NOW CLOSED!!! if you would like to keep updated then i would highly suggest subscribing on ao3 so you can get a notification of when i update, i update on tumblr and ao3 simultaneously. link is here! thank you for reading!

1/9

@strbrysherriez @pinkpookiebear @ryomensrealestrider @rllyobsessedgirlie @p3talswayingindesun

@satorugirlie @your-nightmaredoll @b-bitter @megxmixtm @sukunastrash

@linearrr @iluvmywives @5seos @cupidiylvia @sterzin

@norahlolzz @brethebomb2 @megumiandyou @hyeon3y @pawwwginaaa

@madibookmarks @prettypinkvenom @ineffabl-y @riikisworld @avaawritess

@harryitadori @elrashomacuin @seedlessgrapesyummy @bettaasposts @iamarealmicrowave

@mangourhearts @wien-tersnow @evii24 @kriitee @silversteinn

There were many things within your previous marriage that Sukuna would say but didn't mean. Like the times he was coming home late, like the times that he told you it was fine when you cancelled on date nights when it really wasn't, like the times that he told you that everything was going to be alright when even he didn't believe it himself.

And at one point he didn't mean 'I love you.'

He rarely said it anyways, back then much preferring to show you physically rather than to say those three words out loud. Perhaps that also tied into the reasons for divorce.

But for the first time in a long time, you believed him. And granted you were drunk and Sukuna is well aware that this outcome may have been different if you had gotten home sober that night but nonetheless he's glad you called.

He waited a bit before picking up the phone. The last thing he needs is to seem desperate and pathetic.

(As if he hasn't seemed that way already by suggesting to call him anytime.)

But Yuji's away in his room, playing one of his video games so Sukuna is sure he won't be disturbed talking to you and there's a part of him that wants to talk to you for as long as possible. He misses hearing your voice. He misses hearing all of the little things; how your day has been, who's been pissing you off at work, how the nosy neighbour that lives across from you is doing and so much more he thinks these questions would be endless.

His default ringtone continues to call out. Until he finally bites the bullet and picks up.

Just from the tone of your voice he already knows that you've had a few drinks. There's a contagious energy to your voice that he knows only alcohol can bring out of you and a part of him wonders what you and the girls have talked about tonight.

He doesn't want to get too ahead of himself but if the first thing you're doing after heading home is calling him, then Sukuna's safe to assume that he was surely the topic of conversation at one point.

You claim that you were just calling to check on Yuji and Sukuna's more than capable of passing the phone over to him but he goes for his selfish instinct.

"Just missed him. He's sleeping." And when he baits you out for still being on the phone to him, he closes in on you even more like you're his prey. "Talk to me."

"About what?" you ask.

"Anything, enlighten me."

And then you go on to talk about everything and anything.

This is exactly what he wanted. The sentences don't stop falling from your lips, you manage to ramble for so long that Sukuna's unable to give a response. It's the alcohol doing this to you but just from your tone he can tell that you've missed having these conversations with someone. With him.

It doesn't have to be important - that's not the point - what's important is just having someone to listen to you as you get everything off your mind and chest and that's what Sukuna manages to grant you. He hums and asks questions in the right places and suddenly an hour has passed.

He knows it's getting late and he promised to take Yuji to the baseball game tomorrow morning. He shoots the question for you to come and join them, he'll pay. Sukuna's tone is casual but his fingers are digging into his palms because he's so nervous.

Denied.

He's not supposed to take it personally but there's something in his lower abdomen that still sinks somehow. You've still got your guard up around him and there's an evident red line that shouldn't be crossed.

He doesn't push, merely taking another route.

"well, if you're busy tomorrow then maybe some other time this week we could- uh - go for drinks or something..."

It was just a suggestion that popped into his mind and the second it leaves his mouth he can sense your hesitation. He's fucked up again, he thinks and to cover his ass he manages to do what he does best.

Lie.

"casual. parent to parent. talk about yuji's behaviour or whatever."

"right, as if it's something that you couldn't tell me right now? you just told me he was fine."

"should definitely be said in person. i can get jin to watch him in the meantime."

When you don't question him as much as you should he knows he's succeeded. You've enjoyed this catch-up conversation as much as he did and you're relying on your own selfish instinct to agree with him. His ideas for drinks are just another chance to keep up with what's been happening over the years. Of course, he asks about your life here and there each time you drop off Yuji but for the first time in a long time he's heard about your thoughts and patterns, something that he once had committed to memory.

He's thrown Jin in it but he knows that he would be more than happy to look after his nephew and perhaps a little too eager to know that the two of you are on proper speaking terms again. Sukuna's still unsure what he wants out of this situation but it's more than obvious through the fluctuations in his lower gut that he does miss you.

Even when he doesn't say it aloud.

When you say goodnight, he calls you baby on purpose. Teasing you. And he hangs up before you can even scold him thinking that he's a genius. He knows he shouldn't be saying it and he has no right to, it's been years but that pet name still slips from his tongue quicker than whiplash. And he doubts that you'll bring it up to his face when he drops Yuji by the end of the weekend.

Once he's hung up the phone he's a little surprised you don't call him back to cuss him out. Either it's too late for you to bother him or for once maybe you liked it.

The silence of the room is imminent as Sukuna now basks in the aftermath of the conversation and his actions.

A hand runs across his forehead. What the fuck was he doing? Asking you for drinks? Making up the excuse that this was simply just to talk about Yuji is a low blow and even he knows that. But at least he got you to somewhat agree with the idea of going out with him and didn't reject it entirely.

He just hopes that you don't plan to bail in the upcoming days.

Checking on Yuji, it's obvious that the boy's knocked out. Sukuna tuts, clearing a little of his stuff left on the floor, turning off the tv screen before switching off his lights.

Content with the quiet and calm state of the house, Sukuna finally heads to his own room. It's not too shabby, a little emptier than most bedrooms but Sukuna didn't have many possessions in the first place anyways. Made it easier to pack and let go of his past, he told himself.

The mattress creaks under his weight and he lets out a groan at the ache of his body. Fleeting, his eyes manage to glance at his bedside drawer. Out of everything in the house, that drawer is the one thing that he rarely opens. Hidden away in the back corner lies his gold wedding ring that he once wore.

Thinking back to your split, it was difficult for him to get used to the lighter feeling on his hand. Some nights he'd glance at his hand noticing that something was missing before the realisation clouded over him. He hasn't worn it since the papers were finalised. He kept the ring on even whilst they were being served and determined, selfishly hoping for the possibility that you would change your mind.

But of course he was wrong.

Somewhere in his house, buried in a stuffed cardboard box, there are pictures of you and him in a few photo albums he's saved from the early years of your marriage. He's documented a lot: the wedding, your pregnancy, Yuji's birthdays. And those pictures specifically cause the most anxiety in his gut.

He still remembers that one night when he flicked through Yuji's birthday pictures right up until Yuji's fifth birthday, the last birthday he had before the two of you separated.

With every photo from each year his eyes land on your face and with each turn of the page he notices how your smile eventually disappears. Your eyes are clearly downcast. To a stranger you'd seem happy but of course Sukuna knows when you're covering it all up.

He should have noticed it earlier. With how distant you were getting and you becoming more quieter and quieter even an idiot would have assumed that you were planning to file for divorce.

And the following year, once it was all finalised Sukuna stopped taking pictures at Yuji's birthday. He still showed up, he always would for Yuji there's no doubt about it but there was no use pretending to be playing a happy family in front of the cameras anymore.

Laying back, Sukuna settled underneath the covers with his eyes now staring at the ceiling. His body is still but his mind is active, running with a thousand thoughts. He thinks about everything, about you, Yuji and of the multitude of reasons for how he has become so different compared to the man in those photos. He's become unrecognisable to himself, his entire life so far from what he had envisioned in the past. Back to sleeping in bed alone at his age? No, that's not what he wanted.

That photo album remains unfinished, blank pages of memories that show the potential of the future he could have had. And there's a smudge of a chance that he'll be able to make them with you and finish that photo album entirely because damn it-

he misses you.

And he swears from this point forward to make this as clear as possible to you again, no matter what.

The waltz between you and Sukuna has started up again. And it's a selfish one. The two of you are pulling each other deeper and deeper into this trance all whilst knowing that inevitably the past will come to hurt you again.

****

sneak peek for part 5 bc im really kind. i'm making it ambiguous (kinda).

"you gave up on me first."

"don't say it like that."

"was he a good fuck?"

"sukuna!"

"don't answer then."

MY TAGLIST IS NOW CLOSED!!! if you would like to keep updated then i would highly suggest subscribing on ao3 so you can get a notification of when i update, i update on tumblr and ao3 simultaneously. link is here! thank you for reading!

1/9

@strbrysherriez @pinkpookiebear @ryomensrealestrider @rllyobsessedgirlie @p3talswayingindesun

@satorugirlie @your-nightmaredoll @b-bitter @megxmixtm @sukunastrash

@linearrr @iluvmywives @5seos @cupidiylvia @sterzin

@norahlolzz @brethebomb2 @megumiandyou @hyeon3y @pawwwginaaa

@madibookmarks @prettypinkvenom @ineffabl-y @riikisworld @avaawritess

@harryitadori @elrashomacuin @seedlessgrapesyummy @bettaasposts @iamarealmicrowave

@mangourhearts @wien-tersnow @evii24 @kriitee @silversteinn

There were many things within your previous marriage that Sukuna would say but didn't mean. Like the times he was coming home late, like the times that he told you it was fine when you cancelled on date nights when it really wasn't, like the times that he told you that everything was going to be alright when even he didn't believe it himself.

And at one point he didn't mean 'I love you.'

He rarely said it anyways, back then much preferring to show you physically rather than to say those three words out loud. Perhaps that also tied into the reasons for divorce.

But for the first time in a long time, you believed him. And granted you were drunk and Sukuna is well aware that this outcome may have been different if you had gotten home sober that night but nonetheless he's glad you called.

He waited a bit before picking up the phone. The last thing he needs is to seem desperate and pathetic.

(As if he hasn't seemed that way already by suggesting to call him anytime.)

But Yuji's away in his room, playing one of his video games so Sukuna is sure he won't be disturbed talking to you and there's a part of him that wants to talk to you for as long as possible. He misses hearing your voice. He misses hearing all of the little things; how your day has been, who's been pissing you off at work, how the nosy neighbour that lives across from you is doing and so much more he thinks these questions would be endless.

His default ringtone continues to call out. Until he finally bites the bullet and picks up.

Just from the tone of your voice he already knows that you've had a few drinks. There's a contagious energy to your voice that he knows only alcohol can bring out of you and a part of him wonders what you and the girls have talked about tonight.

He doesn't want to get too ahead of himself but if the first thing you're doing after heading home is calling him, then Sukuna's safe to assume that he was surely the topic of conversation at one point.

You claim that you were just calling to check on Yuji and Sukuna's more than capable of passing the phone over to him but he goes for his selfish instinct.

"Just missed him. He's sleeping." And when he baits you out for still being on the phone to him, he closes in on you even more like you're his prey. "Talk to me."

"About what?" you ask.

"Anything, enlighten me."

And then you go on to talk about everything and anything.

This is exactly what he wanted. The sentences don't stop falling from your lips, you manage to ramble for so long that Sukuna's unable to give a response. It's the alcohol doing this to you but just from your tone he can tell that you've missed having these conversations with someone. With him.

It doesn't have to be important - that's not the point - what's important is just having someone to listen to you as you get everything off your mind and chest and that's what Sukuna manages to grant you. He hums and asks questions in the right places and suddenly an hour has passed.

He knows it's getting late and he promised to take Yuji to the baseball game tomorrow morning. He shoots the question for you to come and join them, he'll pay. Sukuna's tone is casual but his fingers are digging into his palms because he's so nervous.

Denied.

He's not supposed to take it personally but there's something in his lower abdomen that still sinks somehow. You've still got your guard up around him and there's an evident red line that shouldn't be crossed.

He doesn't push, merely taking another route.

"well, if you're busy tomorrow then maybe some other time this week we could- uh - go for drinks or something..."

It was just a suggestion that popped into his mind and the second it leaves his mouth he can sense your hesitation. He's fucked up again, he thinks and to cover his ass he manages to do what he does best.

Lie.

"casual. parent to parent. talk about yuji's behaviour or whatever."

"right, as if it's something that you couldn't tell me right now? you just told me he was fine."

"should definitely be said in person. i can get jin to watch him in the meantime."

When you don't question him as much as you should he knows he's succeeded. You've enjoyed this catch-up conversation as much as he did and you're relying on your own selfish instinct to agree with him. His ideas for drinks are just another chance to keep up with what's been happening over the years. Of course, he asks about your life here and there each time you drop off Yuji but for the first time in a long time he's heard about your thoughts and patterns, something that he once had committed to memory.

He's thrown Jin in it but he knows that he would be more than happy to look after his nephew and perhaps a little too eager to know that the two of you are on proper speaking terms again. Sukuna's still unsure what he wants out of this situation but it's more than obvious through the fluctuations in his lower gut that he does miss you.

Even when he doesn't say it aloud.

When you say goodnight, he calls you baby on purpose. Teasing you. And he hangs up before you can even scold him thinking that he's a genius. He knows he shouldn't be saying it and he has no right to, it's been years but that pet name still slips from his tongue quicker than whiplash. And he doubts that you'll bring it up to his face when he drops Yuji by the end of the weekend.

Once he's hung up the phone he's a little surprised you don't call him back to cuss him out. Either it's too late for you to bother him or for once maybe you liked it.

The silence of the room is imminent as Sukuna now basks in the aftermath of the conversation and his actions.

A hand runs across his forehead. What the fuck was he doing? Asking you for drinks? Making up the excuse that this was simply just to talk about Yuji is a low blow and even he knows that. But at least he got you to somewhat agree with the idea of going out with him and didn't reject it entirely.

He just hopes that you don't plan to bail in the upcoming days.

Checking on Yuji, it's obvious that the boy's knocked out. Sukuna tuts, clearing a little of his stuff left on the floor, turning off the tv screen before switching off his lights.

Content with the quiet and calm state of the house, Sukuna finally heads to his own room. It's not too shabby, a little emptier than most bedrooms but Sukuna didn't have many possessions in the first place anyways. Made it easier to pack and let go of his past, he told himself.

The mattress creaks under his weight and he lets out a groan at the ache of his body. Fleeting, his eyes manage to glance at his bedside drawer. Out of everything in the house, that drawer is the one thing that he rarely opens. Hidden away in the back corner lies his gold wedding ring that he once wore.

Thinking back to your split, it was difficult for him to get used to the lighter feeling on his hand. Some nights he'd glance at his hand noticing that something was missing before the realisation clouded over him. He hasn't worn it since the papers were finalised. He kept the ring on even whilst they were being served and determined, selfishly hoping for the possibility that you would change your mind.

But of course he was wrong.

Somewhere in his house, buried in a stuffed cardboard box, there are pictures of you and him in a few photo albums he's saved from the early years of your marriage. He's documented a lot: the wedding, your pregnancy, Yuji's birthdays. And those pictures specifically cause the most anxiety in his gut.

He still remembers that one night when he flicked through Yuji's birthday pictures right up until Yuji's fifth birthday, the last birthday he had before the two of you separated.

With every photo from each year his eyes land on your face and with each turn of the page he notices how your smile eventually disappears. Your eyes are clearly downcast. To a stranger you'd seem happy but of course Sukuna knows when you're covering it all up.

He should have noticed it earlier. With how distant you were getting and you becoming more quieter and quieter even an idiot would have assumed that you were planning to file for divorce.

And the following year, once it was all finalised Sukuna stopped taking pictures at Yuji's birthday. He still showed up, he always would for Yuji there's no doubt about it but there was no use pretending to be playing a happy family in front of the cameras anymore.

Laying back, Sukuna settled underneath the covers with his eyes now staring at the ceiling. His body is still but his mind is active, running with a thousand thoughts. He thinks about everything, about you, Yuji and of the multitude of reasons for how he has become so different compared to the man in those photos. He's become unrecognisable to himself, his entire life so far from what he had envisioned in the past. Back to sleeping in bed alone at his age? No, that's not what he wanted.

That photo album remains unfinished, blank pages of memories that show the potential of the future he could have had. And there's a smudge of a chance that he'll be able to make them with you and finish that photo album entirely because damn it-

he misses you.

And he swears from this point forward to make this as clear as possible to you again, no matter what.

The waltz between you and Sukuna has started up again. And it's a selfish one. The two of you are pulling each other deeper and deeper into this trance all whilst knowing that inevitably the past will come to hurt you again.

****

sneak peek for part 5 bc im really kind. i'm making it ambiguous (kinda).

"you gave up on me first."

"don't say it like that."

"was he a good fuck?"

"sukuna!"

"don't answer then."

MY TAGLIST IS NOW CLOSED!!! if you would like to keep updated then i would highly suggest subscribing on ao3 so you can get a notification of when i update, i update on tumblr and ao3 simultaneously. link is here! thank you for reading!

1/9

@strbrysherriez @pinkpookiebear @ryomensrealestrider @rllyobsessedgirlie @p3talswayingindesun

@satorugirlie @your-nightmaredoll @b-bitter @megxmixtm @sukunastrash

@linearrr @iluvmywives @5seos @cupidiylvia @sterzin

@norahlolzz @brethebomb2 @megumiandyou @hyeon3y @pawwwginaaa

@madibookmarks @prettypinkvenom @ineffabl-y @riikisworld @avaawritess

@harryitadori @elrashomacuin @seedlessgrapesyummy @bettaasposts @iamarealmicrowave

@mangourhearts @wien-tersnow @evii24 @kriitee @silversteinn

There were many things within your previous marriage that Sukuna would say but didn't mean. Like the times he was coming home late, like the times that he told you it was fine when you cancelled on date nights when it really wasn't, like the times that he told you that everything was going to be alright when even he didn't believe it himself.

And at one point he didn't mean 'I love you.'

He rarely said it anyways, back then much preferring to show you physically rather than to say those three words out loud. Perhaps that also tied into the reasons for divorce.

But for the first time in a long time, you believed him. And granted you were drunk and Sukuna is well aware that this outcome may have been different if you had gotten home sober that night but nonetheless he's glad you called.

He waited a bit before picking up the phone. The last thing he needs is to seem desperate and pathetic.

(As if he hasn't seemed that way already by suggesting to call him anytime.)

But Yuji's away in his room, playing one of his video games so Sukuna is sure he won't be disturbed talking to you and there's a part of him that wants to talk to you for as long as possible. He misses hearing your voice. He misses hearing all of the little things; how your day has been, who's been pissing you off at work, how the nosy neighbour that lives across from you is doing and so much more he thinks these questions would be endless.

His default ringtone continues to call out. Until he finally bites the bullet and picks up.

Just from the tone of your voice he already knows that you've had a few drinks. There's a contagious energy to your voice that he knows only alcohol can bring out of you and a part of him wonders what you and the girls have talked about tonight.

He doesn't want to get too ahead of himself but if the first thing you're doing after heading home is calling him, then Sukuna's safe to assume that he was surely the topic of conversation at one point.

You claim that you were just calling to check on Yuji and Sukuna's more than capable of passing the phone over to him but he goes for his selfish instinct.

"Just missed him. He's sleeping." And when he baits you out for still being on the phone to him, he closes in on you even more like you're his prey. "Talk to me."

"About what?" you ask.

"Anything, enlighten me."

And then you go on to talk about everything and anything.

This is exactly what he wanted. The sentences don't stop falling from your lips, you manage to ramble for so long that Sukuna's unable to give a response. It's the alcohol doing this to you but just from your tone he can tell that you've missed having these conversations with someone. With him.

It doesn't have to be important - that's not the point - what's important is just having someone to listen to you as you get everything off your mind and chest and that's what Sukuna manages to grant you. He hums and asks questions in the right places and suddenly an hour has passed.

He knows it's getting late and he promised to take Yuji to the baseball game tomorrow morning. He shoots the question for you to come and join them, he'll pay. Sukuna's tone is casual but his fingers are digging into his palms because he's so nervous.

Denied.

He's not supposed to take it personally but there's something in his lower abdomen that still sinks somehow. You've still got your guard up around him and there's an evident red line that shouldn't be crossed.

He doesn't push, merely taking another route.

"well, if you're busy tomorrow then maybe some other time this week we could- uh - go for drinks or something..."

It was just a suggestion that popped into his mind and the second it leaves his mouth he can sense your hesitation. He's fucked up again, he thinks and to cover his ass he manages to do what he does best.

Lie.

"casual. parent to parent. talk about yuji's behaviour or whatever."

"right, as if it's something that you couldn't tell me right now? you just told me he was fine."

"should definitely be said in person. i can get jin to watch him in the meantime."

When you don't question him as much as you should he knows he's succeeded. You've enjoyed this catch-up conversation as much as he did and you're relying on your own selfish instinct to agree with him. His ideas for drinks are just another chance to keep up with what's been happening over the years. Of course, he asks about your life here and there each time you drop off Yuji but for the first time in a long time he's heard about your thoughts and patterns, something that he once had committed to memory.

He's thrown Jin in it but he knows that he would be more than happy to look after his nephew and perhaps a little too eager to know that the two of you are on proper speaking terms again. Sukuna's still unsure what he wants out of this situation but it's more than obvious through the fluctuations in his lower gut that he does miss you.

Even when he doesn't say it aloud.

When you say goodnight, he calls you baby on purpose. Teasing you. And he hangs up before you can even scold him thinking that he's a genius. He knows he shouldn't be saying it and he has no right to, it's been years but that pet name still slips from his tongue quicker than whiplash. And he doubts that you'll bring it up to his face when he drops Yuji by the end of the weekend.

Once he's hung up the phone he's a little surprised you don't call him back to cuss him out. Either it's too late for you to bother him or for once maybe you liked it.

The silence of the room is imminent as Sukuna now basks in the aftermath of the conversation and his actions.

A hand runs across his forehead. What the fuck was he doing? Asking you for drinks? Making up the excuse that this was simply just to talk about Yuji is a low blow and even he knows that. But at least he got you to somewhat agree with the idea of going out with him and didn't reject it entirely.

He just hopes that you don't plan to bail in the upcoming days.

Checking on Yuji, it's obvious that the boy's knocked out. Sukuna tuts, clearing a little of his stuff left on the floor, turning off the tv screen before switching off his lights.

Content with the quiet and calm state of the house, Sukuna finally heads to his own room. It's not too shabby, a little emptier than most bedrooms but Sukuna didn't have many possessions in the first place anyways. Made it easier to pack and let go of his past, he told himself.

The mattress creaks under his weight and he lets out a groan at the ache of his body. Fleeting, his eyes manage to glance at his bedside drawer. Out of everything in the house, that drawer is the one thing that he rarely opens. Hidden away in the back corner lies his gold wedding ring that he once wore.

Thinking back to your split, it was difficult for him to get used to the lighter feeling on his hand. Some nights he'd glance at his hand noticing that something was missing before the realisation clouded over him. He hasn't worn it since the papers were finalised. He kept the ring on even whilst they were being served and determined, selfishly hoping for the possibility that you would change your mind.

But of course he was wrong.

Somewhere in his house, buried in a stuffed cardboard box, there are pictures of you and him in a few photo albums he's saved from the early years of your marriage. He's documented a lot: the wedding, your pregnancy, Yuji's birthdays. And those pictures specifically cause the most anxiety in his gut.

He still remembers that one night when he flicked through Yuji's birthday pictures right up until Yuji's fifth birthday, the last birthday he had before the two of you separated.

With every photo from each year his eyes land on your face and with each turn of the page he notices how your smile eventually disappears. Your eyes are clearly downcast. To a stranger you'd seem happy but of course Sukuna knows when you're covering it all up.

He should have noticed it earlier. With how distant you were getting and you becoming more quieter and quieter even an idiot would have assumed that you were planning to file for divorce.

And the following year, once it was all finalised Sukuna stopped taking pictures at Yuji's birthday. He still showed up, he always would for Yuji there's no doubt about it but there was no use pretending to be playing a happy family in front of the cameras anymore.

Laying back, Sukuna settled underneath the covers with his eyes now staring at the ceiling. His body is still but his mind is active, running with a thousand thoughts. He thinks about everything, about you, Yuji and of the multitude of reasons for how he has become so different compared to the man in those photos. He's become unrecognisable to himself, his entire life so far from what he had envisioned in the past. Back to sleeping in bed alone at his age? No, that's not what he wanted.

That photo album remains unfinished, blank pages of memories that show the potential of the future he could have had. And there's a smudge of a chance that he'll be able to make them with you and finish that photo album entirely because damn it-

he misses you.

And he swears from this point forward to make this as clear as possible to you again, no matter what.

The waltz between you and Sukuna has started up again. And it's a selfish one. The two of you are pulling each other deeper and deeper into this trance all whilst knowing that inevitably the past will come to hurt you again.

****

sneak peek for part 5 bc im really kind. i'm making it ambiguous (kinda).

"you gave up on me first."

"don't say it like that."

"was he a good fuck?"

"sukuna!"

"don't answer then."

MY TAGLIST IS NOW CLOSED!!! if you would like to keep updated then i would highly suggest subscribing on ao3 so you can get a notification of when i update, i update on tumblr and ao3 simultaneously. link is here! thank you for reading!

1/9

@strbrysherriez @pinkpookiebear @ryomensrealestrider @rllyobsessedgirlie @p3talswayingindesun

@satorugirlie @your-nightmaredoll @b-bitter @megxmixtm @sukunastrash

@linearrr @iluvmywives @5seos @cupidiylvia @sterzin

@norahlolzz @brethebomb2 @megumiandyou @hyeon3y @pawwwginaaa

@madibookmarks @prettypinkvenom @ineffabl-y @riikisworld @avaawritess

@harryitadori @elrashomacuin @seedlessgrapesyummy @bettaasposts @iamarealmicrowave

@mangourhearts @wien-tersnow @evii24 @kriitee @silversteinn

There were many things within your previous marriage that Sukuna would say but didn't mean. Like the times he was coming home late, like the times that he told you it was fine when you cancelled on date nights when it really wasn't, like the times that he told you that everything was going to be alright when even he didn't believe it himself.

And at one point he didn't mean 'I love you.'

He rarely said it anyways, back then much preferring to show you physically rather than to say those three words out loud. Perhaps that also tied into the reasons for divorce.

But for the first time in a long time, you believed him. And granted you were drunk and Sukuna is well aware that this outcome may have been different if you had gotten home sober that night but nonetheless he's glad you called.

He waited a bit before picking up the phone. The last thing he needs is to seem desperate and pathetic.

(As if he hasn't seemed that way already by suggesting to call him anytime.)

But Yuji's away in his room, playing one of his video games so Sukuna is sure he won't be disturbed talking to you and there's a part of him that wants to talk to you for as long as possible. He misses hearing your voice. He misses hearing all of the little things; how your day has been, who's been pissing you off at work, how the nosy neighbour that lives across from you is doing and so much more he thinks these questions would be endless.

His default ringtone continues to call out. Until he finally bites the bullet and picks up.

Just from the tone of your voice he already knows that you've had a few drinks. There's a contagious energy to your voice that he knows only alcohol can bring out of you and a part of him wonders what you and the girls have talked about tonight.

He doesn't want to get too ahead of himself but if the first thing you're doing after heading home is calling him, then Sukuna's safe to assume that he was surely the topic of conversation at one point.

You claim that you were just calling to check on Yuji and Sukuna's more than capable of passing the phone over to him but he goes for his selfish instinct.

"Just missed him. He's sleeping." And when he baits you out for still being on the phone to him, he closes in on you even more like you're his prey. "Talk to me."

"About what?" you ask.

"Anything, enlighten me."

And then you go on to talk about everything and anything.

This is exactly what he wanted. The sentences don't stop falling from your lips, you manage to ramble for so long that Sukuna's unable to give a response. It's the alcohol doing this to you but just from your tone he can tell that you've missed having these conversations with someone. With him.

It doesn't have to be important - that's not the point - what's important is just having someone to listen to you as you get everything off your mind and chest and that's what Sukuna manages to grant you. He hums and asks questions in the right places and suddenly an hour has passed.

He knows it's getting late and he promised to take Yuji to the baseball game tomorrow morning. He shoots the question for you to come and join them, he'll pay. Sukuna's tone is casual but his fingers are digging into his palms because he's so nervous.

Denied.

He's not supposed to take it personally but there's something in his lower abdomen that still sinks somehow. You've still got your guard up around him and there's an evident red line that shouldn't be crossed.

He doesn't push, merely taking another route.

"well, if you're busy tomorrow then maybe some other time this week we could- uh - go for drinks or something..."

It was just a suggestion that popped into his mind and the second it leaves his mouth he can sense your hesitation. He's fucked up again, he thinks and to cover his ass he manages to do what he does best.

Lie.

"casual. parent to parent. talk about yuji's behaviour or whatever."

"right, as if it's something that you couldn't tell me right now? you just told me he was fine."

"should definitely be said in person. i can get jin to watch him in the meantime."

When you don't question him as much as you should he knows he's succeeded. You've enjoyed this catch-up conversation as much as he did and you're relying on your own selfish instinct to agree with him. His ideas for drinks are just another chance to keep up with what's been happening over the years. Of course, he asks about your life here and there each time you drop off Yuji but for the first time in a long time he's heard about your thoughts and patterns, something that he once had committed to memory.

He's thrown Jin in it but he knows that he would be more than happy to look after his nephew and perhaps a little too eager to know that the two of you are on proper speaking terms again. Sukuna's still unsure what he wants out of this situation but it's more than obvious through the fluctuations in his lower gut that he does miss you.

Even when he doesn't say it aloud.

When you say goodnight, he calls you baby on purpose. Teasing you. And he hangs up before you can even scold him thinking that he's a genius. He knows he shouldn't be saying it and he has no right to, it's been years but that pet name still slips from his tongue quicker than whiplash. And he doubts that you'll bring it up to his face when he drops Yuji by the end of the weekend.

Once he's hung up the phone he's a little surprised you don't call him back to cuss him out. Either it's too late for you to bother him or for once maybe you liked it.

The silence of the room is imminent as Sukuna now basks in the aftermath of the conversation and his actions.

A hand runs across his forehead. What the fuck was he doing? Asking you for drinks? Making up the excuse that this was simply just to talk about Yuji is a low blow and even he knows that. But at least he got you to somewhat agree with the idea of going out with him and didn't reject it entirely.

He just hopes that you don't plan to bail in the upcoming days.

Checking on Yuji, it's obvious that the boy's knocked out. Sukuna tuts, clearing a little of his stuff left on the floor, turning off the tv screen before switching off his lights.

Content with the quiet and calm state of the house, Sukuna finally heads to his own room. It's not too shabby, a little emptier than most bedrooms but Sukuna didn't have many possessions in the first place anyways. Made it easier to pack and let go of his past, he told himself.

The mattress creaks under his weight and he lets out a groan at the ache of his body. Fleeting, his eyes manage to glance at his bedside drawer. Out of everything in the house, that drawer is the one thing that he rarely opens. Hidden away in the back corner lies his gold wedding ring that he once wore.

Thinking back to your split, it was difficult for him to get used to the lighter feeling on his hand. Some nights he'd glance at his hand noticing that something was missing before the realisation clouded over him. He hasn't worn it since the papers were finalised. He kept the ring on even whilst they were being served and determined, selfishly hoping for the possibility that you would change your mind.

But of course he was wrong.

Somewhere in his house, buried in a stuffed cardboard box, there are pictures of you and him in a few photo albums he's saved from the early years of your marriage. He's documented a lot: the wedding, your pregnancy, Yuji's birthdays. And those pictures specifically cause the most anxiety in his gut.

He still remembers that one night when he flicked through Yuji's birthday pictures right up until Yuji's fifth birthday, the last birthday he had before the two of you separated.

With every photo from each year his eyes land on your face and with each turn of the page he notices how your smile eventually disappears. Your eyes are clearly downcast. To a stranger you'd seem happy but of course Sukuna knows when you're covering it all up.

He should have noticed it earlier. With how distant you were getting and you becoming more quieter and quieter even an idiot would have assumed that you were planning to file for divorce.

And the following year, once it was all finalised Sukuna stopped taking pictures at Yuji's birthday. He still showed up, he always would for Yuji there's no doubt about it but there was no use pretending to be playing a happy family in front of the cameras anymore.

Laying back, Sukuna settled underneath the covers with his eyes now staring at the ceiling. His body is still but his mind is active, running with a thousand thoughts. He thinks about everything, about you, Yuji and of the multitude of reasons for how he has become so different compared to the man in those photos. He's become unrecognisable to himself, his entire life so far from what he had envisioned in the past. Back to sleeping in bed alone at his age? No, that's not what he wanted.

That photo album remains unfinished, blank pages of memories that show the potential of the future he could have had. And there's a smudge of a chance that he'll be able to make them with you and finish that photo album entirely because damn it-

he misses you.

And he swears from this point forward to make this as clear as possible to you again, no matter what.

The waltz between you and Sukuna has started up again. And it's a selfish one. The two of you are pulling each other deeper and deeper into this trance all whilst knowing that inevitably the past will come to hurt you again.

****

sneak peek for part 5 bc im really kind. i'm making it ambiguous (kinda).

"you gave up on me first."

"don't say it like that."

"was he a good fuck?"

"sukuna!"

"don't answer then."

MY TAGLIST IS NOW CLOSED!!! if you would like to keep updated then i would highly suggest subscribing on ao3 so you can get a notification of when i update, i update on tumblr and ao3 simultaneously. link is here! thank you for reading!

1/9

@strbrysherriez @pinkpookiebear @ryomensrealestrider @rllyobsessedgirlie @p3talswayingindesun

@satorugirlie @your-nightmaredoll @b-bitter @megxmixtm @sukunastrash

@linearrr @iluvmywives @5seos @cupidiylvia @sterzin

@norahlolzz @brethebomb2 @megumiandyou @hyeon3y @pawwwginaaa

@madibookmarks @prettypinkvenom @ineffabl-y @riikisworld @avaawritess

@harryitadori @elrashomacuin @seedlessgrapesyummy @bettaasposts @iamarealmicrowave

@mangourhearts @wien-tersnow @evii24 @kriitee @silversteinn

There were many things within your previous marriage that Sukuna would say but didn't mean. Like the times he was coming home late, like the times that he told you it was fine when you cancelled on date nights when it really wasn't, like the times that he told you that everything was going to be alright when even he didn't believe it himself.

And at one point he didn't mean 'I love you.'

He rarely said it anyways, back then much preferring to show you physically rather than to say those three words out loud. Perhaps that also tied into the reasons for divorce.

But for the first time in a long time, you believed him. And granted you were drunk and Sukuna is well aware that this outcome may have been different if you had gotten home sober that night but nonetheless he's glad you called.

He waited a bit before picking up the phone. The last thing he needs is to seem desperate and pathetic.

(As if he hasn't seemed that way already by suggesting to call him anytime.)

But Yuji's away in his room, playing one of his video games so Sukuna is sure he won't be disturbed talking to you and there's a part of him that wants to talk to you for as long as possible. He misses hearing your voice. He misses hearing all of the little things; how your day has been, who's been pissing you off at work, how the nosy neighbour that lives across from you is doing and so much more he thinks these questions would be endless.

His default ringtone continues to call out. Until he finally bites the bullet and picks up.

Just from the tone of your voice he already knows that you've had a few drinks. There's a contagious energy to your voice that he knows only alcohol can bring out of you and a part of him wonders what you and the girls have talked about tonight.

He doesn't want to get too ahead of himself but if the first thing you're doing after heading home is calling him, then Sukuna's safe to assume that he was surely the topic of conversation at one point.

You claim that you were just calling to check on Yuji and Sukuna's more than capable of passing the phone over to him but he goes for his selfish instinct.

"Just missed him. He's sleeping." And when he baits you out for still being on the phone to him, he closes in on you even more like you're his prey. "Talk to me."

"About what?" you ask.

"Anything, enlighten me."

And then you go on to talk about everything and anything.

This is exactly what he wanted. The sentences don't stop falling from your lips, you manage to ramble for so long that Sukuna's unable to give a response. It's the alcohol doing this to you but just from your tone he can tell that you've missed having these conversations with someone. With him.

It doesn't have to be important - that's not the point - what's important is just having someone to listen to you as you get everything off your mind and chest and that's what Sukuna manages to grant you. He hums and asks questions in the right places and suddenly an hour has passed.

He knows it's getting late and he promised to take Yuji to the baseball game tomorrow morning. He shoots the question for you to come and join them, he'll pay. Sukuna's tone is casual but his fingers are digging into his palms because he's so nervous.

Denied.

He's not supposed to take it personally but there's something in his lower abdomen that still sinks somehow. You've still got your guard up around him and there's an evident red line that shouldn't be crossed.

He doesn't push, merely taking another route.

"well, if you're busy tomorrow then maybe some other time this week we could- uh - go for drinks or something..."

It was just a suggestion that popped into his mind and the second it leaves his mouth he can sense your hesitation. He's fucked up again, he thinks and to cover his ass he manages to do what he does best.

Lie.

"casual. parent to parent. talk about yuji's behaviour or whatever."

"right, as if it's something that you couldn't tell me right now? you just told me he was fine."

"should definitely be said in person. i can get jin to watch him in the meantime."

When you don't question him as much as you should he knows he's succeeded. You've enjoyed this catch-up conversation as much as he did and you're relying on your own selfish instinct to agree with him. His ideas for drinks are just another chance to keep up with what's been happening over the years. Of course, he asks about your life here and there each time you drop off Yuji but for the first time in a long time he's heard about your thoughts and patterns, something that he once had committed to memory.

He's thrown Jin in it but he knows that he would be more than happy to look after his nephew and perhaps a little too eager to know that the two of you are on proper speaking terms again. Sukuna's still unsure what he wants out of this situation but it's more than obvious through the fluctuations in his lower gut that he does miss you.

Even when he doesn't say it aloud.

When you say goodnight, he calls you baby on purpose. Teasing you. And he hangs up before you can even scold him thinking that he's a genius. He knows he shouldn't be saying it and he has no right to, it's been years but that pet name still slips from his tongue quicker than whiplash. And he doubts that you'll bring it up to his face when he drops Yuji by the end of the weekend.

Once he's hung up the phone he's a little surprised you don't call him back to cuss him out. Either it's too late for you to bother him or for once maybe you liked it.

The silence of the room is imminent as Sukuna now basks in the aftermath of the conversation and his actions.

A hand runs across his forehead. What the fuck was he doing? Asking you for drinks? Making up the excuse that this was simply just to talk about Yuji is a low blow and even he knows that. But at least he got you to somewhat agree with the idea of going out with him and didn't reject it entirely.

He just hopes that you don't plan to bail in the upcoming days.

Checking on Yuji, it's obvious that the boy's knocked out. Sukuna tuts, clearing a little of his stuff left on the floor, turning off the tv screen before switching off his lights.

Content with the quiet and calm state of the house, Sukuna finally heads to his own room. It's not too shabby, a little emptier than most bedrooms but Sukuna didn't have many possessions in the first place anyways. Made it easier to pack and let go of his past, he told himself.

The mattress creaks under his weight and he lets out a groan at the ache of his body. Fleeting, his eyes manage to glance at his bedside drawer. Out of everything in the house, that drawer is the one thing that he rarely opens. Hidden away in the back corner lies his gold wedding ring that he once wore.

Thinking back to your split, it was difficult for him to get used to the lighter feeling on his hand. Some nights he'd glance at his hand noticing that something was missing before the realisation clouded over him. He hasn't worn it since the papers were finalised. He kept the ring on even whilst they were being served and determined, selfishly hoping for the possibility that you would change your mind.

But of course he was wrong.

Somewhere in his house, buried in a stuffed cardboard box, there are pictures of you and him in a few photo albums he's saved from the early years of your marriage. He's documented a lot: the wedding, your pregnancy, Yuji's birthdays. And those pictures specifically cause the most anxiety in his gut.

He still remembers that one night when he flicked through Yuji's birthday pictures right up until Yuji's fifth birthday, the last birthday he had before the two of you separated.

With every photo from each year his eyes land on your face and with each turn of the page he notices how your smile eventually disappears. Your eyes are clearly downcast. To a stranger you'd seem happy but of course Sukuna knows when you're covering it all up.

He should have noticed it earlier. With how distant you were getting and you becoming more quieter and quieter even an idiot would have assumed that you were planning to file for divorce.

And the following year, once it was all finalised Sukuna stopped taking pictures at Yuji's birthday. He still showed up, he always would for Yuji there's no doubt about it but there was no use pretending to be playing a happy family in front of the cameras anymore.

Laying back, Sukuna settled underneath the covers with his eyes now staring at the ceiling. His body is still but his mind is active, running with a thousand thoughts. He thinks about everything, about you, Yuji and of the multitude of reasons for how he has become so different compared to the man in those photos. He's become unrecognisable to himself, his entire life so far from what he had envisioned in the past. Back to sleeping in bed alone at his age? No, that's not what he wanted.

That photo album remains unfinished, blank pages of memories that show the potential of the future he could have had. And there's a smudge of a chance that he'll be able to make them with you and finish that photo album entirely because damn it-

he misses you.

And he swears from this point forward to make this as clear as possible to you again, no matter what.

The waltz between you and Sukuna has started up again. And it's a selfish one. The two of you are pulling each other deeper and deeper into this trance all whilst knowing that inevitably the past will come to hurt you again.

****

sneak peek for part 5 bc im really kind. i'm making it ambiguous (kinda).

"you gave up on me first."

"don't say it like that."

"was he a good fuck?"

"sukuna!"

"don't answer then."

MY TAGLIST IS NOW CLOSED!!! if you would like to keep updated then i would highly suggest subscribing on ao3 so you can get a notification of when i update, i update on tumblr and ao3 simultaneously. link is here! thank you for reading!

1/9

@strbrysherriez @pinkpookiebear @ryomensrealestrider @rllyobsessedgirlie @p3talswayingindesun

@satorugirlie @your-nightmaredoll @b-bitter @megxmixtm @sukunastrash

@linearrr @iluvmywives @5seos @cupidiylvia @sterzin

@norahlolzz @brethebomb2 @megumiandyou @hyeon3y @pawwwginaaa

@madibookmarks @prettypinkvenom @ineffabl-y @riikisworld @avaawritess

@harryitadori @elrashomacuin @seedlessgrapesyummy @bettaasposts @iamarealmicrowave

@mangourhearts @wien-tersnow @evii24 @kriitee @silversteinn