s h a n n w e a b o

Solar Power

Lorde’s third album is the best thing that happened this month.  I waited four years for this moment to come, for the queen to come back.   It has a light, bright, and positive vibe compared to Melodrama.  Solar Power is all about loving the life you have and being in touch with the surroundings, nature and the sun.  It makes you feel things that aren’t there, things that are invisible and unnoticeable.  Her third album may receive negative comments but for me this is a whole new experience as a fan, I feel more connected to her… it feels like I am able to dive inside her mind knowing what are the thoughts that keeps her awake at night, I can feel her happy memories where we celebrate it together and also the sad moments of her life where we both share the pain together without dwelling in it.  I am so lucky to be in this generation where Lorde is alive and making music.  This album also reminds me how far I’ve come already, how growing up in reality is very painful but we do it anyways.  There’s always a part of me where I just want to be a kid again, to go back to the times where everything is so simple and happy but I need to accept the fact that it won’t happen so I am thankful to music, to my favourite artists who I grew up with, they taught me so many things and somehow it makes me feel lighter knowing these people also struggle everyday with their lives but it’s normal and ok, we find things to cope up with it anyways and that’s it… that’s life and being alive.    

Petals for Armor

January was tough but I still managed to survived it. I somehow started it with a bang literally a bang, it was a month full of anxiety and depression for me, IT WAS FUCKIN HARD, THE AGONY.  My thoughts are all eating me up all at once, there’s this time that I’ll just cry and worry the whole day where doing my usual hobbies doesn’t excites me anymore.  I am not motivated to wake up everyday and just wanna go home every time I arrived at the review center, I am a walking paranoia the whole month and I didn’t imagine I’ll be this happy again the moment I was able to received the sign. I just wanted to thank Lloyd for being such a patient boyfriend for all those weeks that I’ve been stressed out and to my friends esp Khate and Reu who did not let my crazy ass think of fucking bad things to happen and to God who did not leave by my side on my dark times. I can’t deny the fact that this month taught me how to be courageous and strong on my own again and also draw me closer to God. As I hurriedly waited for this month to end it seems that it becomes slower,  a lot happened within a span of 31 days (Australia’s bush fire, Taal Volcano eruption,  the world war 3, jadine? lmao, Kobe’s death and ncov virus)  nevertheless the only good thing that happened is that Hayley’s new two singles were released and an upcoming album this May and hey Russ’s new album too :)

Praying for better months ahead, I still have no idea when will I’ll be home it’s been almost a month I miss everyone back there esp my mom and my room aaaaaa one more sacrifice and all will be better.  I may still be a work in progress and still doubtful about my future but I trust God who is so much bigger than all of these combined.  

THE 1975 MNL

I arrived at the arena at exactly 5:30 in the afternoon and there are already fans lining up outside the entrance gates but I am so hungry and wanted an iced coffee so ok I bought some.  While going back at the arena, I met this medtech student struggling to contact her classmate because she’s out of battery so I lend her my phone for her to enable to communicate and yep I smiled because I helped someone that day and as I was waiting and lining up to the Patron side, I met these three Cebuanos (lmao I am so friendly that day I even lend her my powerbank).  As i sat at my assigned seat I also met this new friend along with her sister and guess what she already saw The 1975 thrice could you imagine it? She is so lucky to witnessed different eras at a concert.  The concert started at 8:30 and ended almost 11 PM.   Waited the grab taxi Aira booked for me for almost an hour (paid 256 pesos).  I arrived at their condo at exactly 12 AM but it’s okay I have now a place to stay and saved myself from hotel fees.  

They played 24 songs:

The 1975

People

Give Yourself A Try

TOOTIMETOOTIMETOOTIME

She’s American

Sincerity Is Scary

It’s Not Living (If It’s Not With You)

Love Me

I Couldn’t Be More In Love

Loving Someone

A Change Of Heart

Narcissist (feat. The 1975)

Robbers

fallingforyou

I Like America And America Likes Me

Somebody Else

You

Girls

I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes)

The 1975

Love It If We Made It

Chocolate

Sex

The Sound

To be honest, I only know the classic songs and I’m not prepared with the new ones so I somehow didn’t enjoyed it because I can’t jam with some of it so basically it was also my mistake not learning and adjusting to their new songs but I really enjoyed the visuals, the energy of the band and the audiences.  It was also a good experience I will forever treasure, this band also helped me be the person I am today and at some point of my life I was really obsessed with them.  Some people might say ‘it is just music, they are just bands’ but no, they have the biggest space inside my heart they saved me a thousand times.  Concerts are hella damn expensive together with the plane ticket since I am miles away from Manila but concerts are where you realize just how beautiful it is to be alive in this world.  

FUCKIN 21

It is really been a while since I updated my life through online so here’s a few ganaps that happened in the past century lmao

Final defense approved!

Passed clinical pharmacy under Dr. Sumagaysay (my god the horrors I’ve experienced under this subject)

Passed Comprehensive Exam (even though I had retakes in 3 modules but it was all worth it)

And lastly, had an ok relationship now with a friend :)

SO WHAT REALLY HAPPENED IN MY BIRTHDAY? KEEP GOING BECAUSE THE GOOD PART IS ABOUT TO START!!!!

Woke up early because we are having a review for our preboards (mam sima was our lecturer that day) so yup thought Diane and I we’re late but nope, upon arriving at school the aircon in the conference room was still not open (had an eye contact to a guy hmmm) so all of my batch mates were at the back, they greeted me esp Arvin!!! So yep discussed module 2 blah blah blah and then went home at lunch break, slept till 2 pm then back again and at 3 pm decided to go home (I lied to my classmates saying I was bored or sumthin) when I went back home I prepared all my things then waxed my armpits lmao then went to the grocery store to buy foods, drinks, balloons, cake etc. lol the agony in carrying those plastic bags.  It was already quarter to 6 when I arrived at the boarding house and Diane was busy writing notes then I told her “lakat na ta” I am so unprepared about the venue, I want to celebrate in a pool but Diane told me green meadows is only until 7 pm (damn panic attacks yo) and then I decided to go for a beach yep called Karen that she should be leaving now (basta omg damo damo natabo and I am really panicking and nervous bc maybe wala na place to celebrate L sayang naman all my gasto and efforts) BUT LUCKILY PADI RESORT IS OPEN FOR US!!! It was only a bench by the beach but at least we got to eat and took pictures yezzz that’s the only thing that matters lmao.  Went home by 10 pm because we are not allowed to drink there ya know the corkage was too damn expensive.  Super nilandi naman with the boy I’ve been messing around for a year a literal example of an on and off relationship char *just check messenger for some messages.  We had some booze and watched 3 movies that weren’t finished (haunting sumthin that is boring, demon eye which idk weird lol and lastly how to train ur dragon 2) but Diane went asleep already AND WE STAYED UNTIL 3 PM JUST TALKING WITH EACH OTHER *check messenger again for references.  Damn I sacrificed my sleep just for him right but idc once in a lifetime experience again ofc nakilig si ate mo gerl, kilig that will only last for a day or two because it is complicated as fuck and I know the guy is not that consistent and I had other priorities hmmm.  

SO THAT’S IT!!! THOSE WERE THE HAPPENINGS IN MY 21ST BIRTHDAY (gosh) btw my ex greeted me so I’m now obliged to greet him too on his birthday? Lmao and the other person who I am expecting to greet me didn’t and I don’t know what to think anymore maybe she’s too shy about it or maybe she doesn’t care anymore or maybe she knew I’m too damn happy that she doesn’t want to bother me anymore ok so whatever at least I AM HAPPY THAT DAY J

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO MY FRIENDS!!!!

“AL ERA IS OVER BUT IT’S OK”

Paramore will be performing their last show in Nashville with other friends today and I really don’t know what to feel. This era and the 12 new songs were a blessing for me a year ago because who would have thought that they’ll be making a new album after 5 years of hiatus and one of their members left but luckily Zac rejoined the band so it’s a yay! (Really freaked out when I received the news I even don’t know why I have an internet connection that time because I saw it during our class and that’s one of the best moments of my life, felt really happy that time ok moving on). To be honest my first time hearing and watching ‘Hard Times’ music video I really got sad because as a Paramore fan since 2011 I’m still not over with the loud era and the new song was a funky pop indie type genre but as Hayley said who stays the way they were 10 years ago right? We need go out in our comfort zone in order to grow. ‘Hard Times’ was the anthem of my week and can you believe it? The song was released in summer 2017 and to be specific it was April 19! Best birthday and summer times for me then a few weeks later they released the whole album! God it was a dream come true freaked out part 2 in my room guys lol all the songs we’re amazing I believe the first song I listened to was ‘Pool’ then ‘26’. It was really magical I don’t know like all my serotonin were released I am really happy that day like wow MY FAVORITE BAND IS ALIVE!!!! Listening to their album and seeing news from social media they really changed A LOT but it is not bad IT IS AN IMPROVEMENT IT IS ALL ABOUT GROWING UP because the reality is we’re not kids anymore, we’re grown-ups and growing up with this band says that I’m not alone in this journey every people felt the same way like me, everyone has problems the only thing that’s different is how they will deal with it. I believe being a fan of Paramore is not just a coincidence it is fate and destiny and I thank God for that. I thank God for the best band in the world and to Miss Hayley Nichole Williams, Mr. Taylor Benjamin York and Mr. Zac Farro thank you guys it’s been one hella ride I know it’s sad for us to see AL era ends and for you to go but you deserve all the rest in the world for giving us fans the sound tracks of our lives and concerts which are celebration of music and friends. Damn, being in this community is very therapeutic I love you guys and looking forward in meet you again soon.

24TH OF MAY 2017, WEDNESDAY

I woke up around 6 30 because my alarm goes on and I irritatingly got up and stopped the hell out of it then went to my bedroom (bc i slept in the sala and i thought the alarm ringing sound was just in a dream) I woke up again around 8 in the morning because my nephew keeps on sabotaging the chicken across my window and it really woke me up I even yelled “BOK ANO RA MAN!!” then he immediately went upstairs well that’s not what i want to tell in my story today so okay let me continue... It was just an ordinary day for me i guess because I woke up nothing feels so special so I logged into twitter (daily routine every morning i think this the modern day of opening newspapers in the past) then there’s this blue notification popped up at the bottom it says “BLA BLA BLA FOLLOWED YOU” WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK RIGHT??? I literally screamed and screamed and jumped and jumped my nephew was so shookt that he even began running around I keep on screaming and my aunt in the bathroom keeps asking what’s going on and everything was in chaos I can’t contain the kiligs and happiness in myself I just really can’t believe it and I immediately deleted some of my tweets the other day because it was about him (lol what a shame) I think this is the start of something new HAHAHAHAHAHA CHAROT BWISET but who wouldn’t be happy if your crush followed you in twitter right? This is really a dream come true and also I’m planning our wedding in my mind already and how many cute kids we’ll have tbh

“Don’t you ever wonder how I survived?”

December 11, Sunday

           I woke up having that nasty feeling and pain in my right eye.  I feel like it won’t open or something might stuck in it so I hurriedly went to see it into the mirror and to my amazement it was crazy!  I startled for a moment thinking that it was Sunday that day and I need to attend mass and class resumes tomorrow and how will I fix this thing and IT WAS PRELIMS WEEK!!!! But I didn’t cry and I didn’t know why.  I called my mom immediately (she was attending mass atm) I really got nervous because so many what ifs came into my mind. What if this is because a nerve was affected or something because of the incident that happened at reu’s? I googled the signs but fuck it seems that it was making me feel depressed and to cut the story short I went back to Antique.

At 1 pm we went to the doctor, she said that it was just a bacterial infection (I’m so happy because I can be cured by tomorrow) but what are the odds, by the next day it went worse.  I can barely see and the stuff in my forehead went viral (lol did I used the correct term) so I said to my mom we need to see another doctor again, an ophthalmologist perhaps.  As we entered the clinic, the doctor immediately knew the disease and viola it was a fuckin herpes zoster THE FUCK RIGHT?  I was so shocked and ofc worried bc he said that it would take weeks to heal and it will went black after and it would somehow scar if pricked or itched (googled the virus, it was shingles)  So as expected, I will surely get my exams next year.

December 13, Tuesday

           The morning I woke up I immediately checked the ‘thing’ in the mirror and baby it was really worst.  The ‘thing’ were now so untouchable and even I don’t want to see it. I can now barely stand or talk or do anything. I decided to drink a milk, ate an apple and a biscuit but my head really hurts it’s like millions of needles were being pricked inside, minutes later I felt the urge to vomit (three times actually) I approached mom and weakly said “I need an IV”.  We hurriedly went to the hospital (but I still managed to download games on my phone bc I know this is gonna be boring lol)  Everyone was staring at me at the hospital and stupidly asking wtf happened at me, tbh I really wanna puch every fucking one of them! I feel like a pitiful person (which was really I am) but all I really want is to get that IV injected into my system but Filipino time so I waited for almost an hour until a room would be available.

PRESENT DAY

The Walking Dead

October 24, 2016 - The night where it all began well hell yeah brace yourselves because this will be a bit longer than you think.

I traveled back at Iloilo early in the morning to enroll and slept over at reu’s where the group ended up sleeping at Cassey’s room, watched lights out and then Karen asked me if I already watched ‘The Walking Dead’, i said i didn’t but i wanted to.  She have complete seasons of 1 to 6.  At first I didn't understand the terms seasons and episodes but as the series goes by i am beginning to master it.  I copied the first season but unfortunately my usb doesn't have the capacity to make room for all of it.  I was the last person to sleep, well as you know I’m a paranoid kinda type of person so I decided to watch the first ep so that I won’t copy it in my usb anymore and to save space to other eps. Lol at first I’m not that interested, seems kinda boring? but as soon as I saw the scenes where there are lots of zombies it made my sleepiness go away, well temporarily haha.  I already want to sleep but still my paranoid attacks began so I just let the laptop play until morning. I enrolled the next day and went back home.

October 26 midnight till the morning of October 27 - I don’t know why but I can’t sleep until I decided I’ll just watch TWD (my nephew also had fever that night and I’m the one who wakes up and made him take his meds)

Hello from the other side

I’m not into playing god

Writing the Future

I still cant express how happy I am in these past few days even though I didn't write a farewell blog for 2015.  I completed my simbang gabi and enjoyed the Binirayan festival with my two best friends just like how we did in the old days awww those are very unforgettable and I got to have a pizza date with my mom! I welcomed my new year with a blast celebrating it with my family leaving all the heartaches and worries in 2015! To be honest that was my happiest celebration because we danced in the streets and stay up late with all those fireworks just exploding everywhere and the music is so loud that I cant even hear what my mom is saying and I really appreciate the love that my mom is giving to me she is really a gift from above.  I can really feel that I am living now to the fullest I somehow found myself and that’s the best part of it. Last week was Pharmacy week and yeah I think that was the most tiring/stressing/busy week for our section because we need to stay in school until 7 30 and practice for our initiation but still we had our time of our lives that week, we got to bond, cooperate, and unite together as a one section and also mom and nanay went here yay for that I really missed them so so much and the concert was the happiest part.  Saturday came and it was our initiation of our department, I was so nervous because we will be dancing in front of sophomores and other sections but we were the last district so we were the last performers but thats still okay and mr and ms panem was one hella good show until it is time to meet the mentors, first of all I was so thankful that my mentor is so kind that he even gave us slaves his collection of books even if it is so hard for his part and he’s very understanding bc he gave me an extension for the shirt so thanks for that and as for today we have an early dismissal and I still manage to get good grades yay also i discovered the paramore’s quite version that was very good when the time came that it is now free to download i can now listen to it to sleep

December-ish

Just look how fast the days go by it’s already the last month of the year hooray for more holidays! I’ve got new friends now and hey there all easy to be with they even helped me finish answering my own works lol today was a good mood for maam villanueva hoping for that to continue until the end of the semester for Pchem lec I should be the reporter for that reaction intermediate part but it was already reported kinda blessed with that and for philo new teacher again uhm hes kinda cool, witty, and of course handsome enjoyed the company of the person beside me the one who keeps me excited to attend school everyday hahaha (hoping no one reads this) These past few days I kinda wants my profile to be low just wanna visit sites that are not too famous for other people I kinda wanted to deactivate my Facebook account but I’ll be having a hard time in communicating with my classmates bc of course they’re the only way for me to be reminded of the assignments and tasks to do.  I don’t know why I even have the energy to update this but one things for sure I’m in a good mood! Happy birthday Patrice and Christian!

First sem be like...

Paper Girl

Have you ever felt being alone? Even if there are so many people around but you just feel so alone? Me, yep  I’m experiencing it for almost three months already idk why I eat dinner alone, go to school alone, watch movies alone, all things done by myself alone with no companions.  I think college is ruining my social life rn I don’t want to be friends with anyone bc I don’t get their personalities all these months of finding friends are no use so I’m stuck with nothing only myself well of course God is probably there watching me and bc of my loneliness I watched paper towns and of course alone ok btw I just went to school this afternoon to take an exam in chem and don’t ask me about that let’s cut to the chase .... bc of my loneliness I decided to treat my self and bc my mom gave me some money I bought groceries for the week and watch my “relationship goal” movie it should be but it didn’t turned out the way I planned.  I enjoyed the movie so much realized so many things and after that I just felt the Margo attitude possessed me hahaha I don’t know what happened it’s like that after watching.  I know I’ll never felt like that ever again but it’s just so good like you have the 100% vibes in yourself you have all the hope in your eyes even if there so many unpleasant things just happening I don’t know I’m just happy in that matter of seconds and thanks for that movie I’ll never forget about “that feeling”

PS. I just can’t stop smiling every time I think of Margo and Que ahhhhhh smile the worst is yet to come we’ll be lucky if we ever see the sun...... the future is forgiven the future is forever so smile

Just happy.

Man I’m so relieved today three more exams to go! Five subjects accomplished was a worry free.  So basically this night will be a no review night my brain cells are in their free state hahaha what am I typinggggg but still I can’t keep calm because tomorrow will be my first time to report in front of the class how cool is that? Nope it’s not cool and I’m not ready what if my teacher asks so many questions that I can’t answer I hate that and I’m not that fluent in English the moment I am being asked especially in front of the class I am always barely hanging in the moment bless me tomorrow ha just decided to write an update about my adventures in college or should I say the road to hell okay bye not going home for this week

Ps. I miss Paramore where are they now I need new musics and Hayley is so fast growing she’s getting married so soon and this is making me sad I just noticed that every time I wrote it doesn’t saves the date so starting today I’ll be writing the date at the hashtags.

Unexpected afternoon

Okay bitches I’m back well been busy these past few weeks bc of this thing called college and I just wanted to post about this stuff really quick. Having noticed by your crush is the best damn thing right? Hearing him saying my name is the most beautiful sound I could ever heard, looking at me straight into my eyes can make me drop the laptop I’m holding and being reminded to take the fucking care were the ones I been dreaming of this years well that one just lasted for seconds but that’s the best seconds of my life! I’m not that assuming girl you read about in fancy stories but it just made my day, it gave me positive vibes and endless smiles every time I think about it.  By the time I woke up tomorrow I’ll be back again to reality that he will never ever think about me ever again but idc when there’s life there’s hope hahaha kidding a crush will always remain as a crush, an infatuation is still an infatuation, a temporary feeling is a false love and I’m already happy of whom I got right now 

Confessions 101