[ sadly go-karts ]

“fabian’s apartment, genuis.” she nodded sagely as if it answered any questions about how to move a mattress full of fruit out of the room. they were more liable to just open the window, shove the mattress out and hope for the best. the fire escape had seen way worse. “good call. i’ll just crash with him if it doesn’t fit.”

“our little boy is so grown up!” she clasped a hand to her chest as if the news was different from what she’d expected, as if it was shocking to be confronted with the fact that tommy and his girlfriend were doing the deed. she was surprised they hadn’t early. confused maybe. she kind of thought they already were. why else did couples fight. she sure didn’t know. 

she followed along as he led the way, clutching the skateboard to her chest, nothing more than a few dollar bills in her pocket. “see you soon!” she called out after theo knocked on the door and they got no response. it didn’t need thought, of course she would see him soon. there was no way that he was going to escape a warm welcome from her. or something like that. 

“that’s totally fun. that guys like famous right? he sounds familiar.” everyone sounded familiar to the fehrs. “hollywood could do with some cool revival like nonmonomgy, groovy throw back and shows you’re so hip with the younger crowd.” she nodded, every other word sinking in, in much the way that it always had. she didn’t need every word to understand exactly what theo was trying to say. “were you going to introduce me to your side of the deal or is this super casual. i can do casual, buy an extra forty.”

“totes famous, like, top five on hollywood’s hottest.” he replied with some degree of certainty though couldn’t really remember if the list in question had been by people or buzzfeed or if it was something theo had complied himself in his head. theo’s face scrunched up at one of clem’s comments, looking over to her to ask, “did you just say we’re getting old and use the word ‘hip’ in the same sentence? bro, you’re turning into mom.” he paused, “actually you may be turning into dad.” theo shuddered. 

"suuuper casual.” he drew out the word. “like, his son calls me dad but i think it’s in an ironic way so it’s okay.” theo stopped to jump over a crack on the sidewalk, pointing it out to clem so she could avoid it too; you could never be too careful with those things, right? “his name’s henry and he’s like, 10/10 voice, 10/10 laugh, 10/10 cake. we do a lot of fun stuff for science. like, starting fires and blowing stuff up and also i slapped a police horse on the ass to see if i would get arrested for assaulting a police officer and now that i think about it that one was less for science and more for my own curiosity.” 

he pulled open the door to the corner shop, the bells making their arrival known to whoever was inside. “dude, they’re cancelling four-loko again.” theo informed so clem could share in his outrage. theo reached his bare hand onto the heating rack and grabbed a hot dog, letting out sounds of pain as it burned his hand, and then letting out sounds of pain as it burned his mouth after he tried to eat it anyway. between gulping large breaths of air to help with the burning, theo leaned in close to clem to inform, “don’t worry tho, on the downlow i’ve totally got a guy that’s gonna keep us supplied.” 

“If it helps, of all the people I’ve met, I think you’re the most qualified to be on fire,” he tried to compromise, the diplomatic heart at the core with a dash of humor, if not from a place to diffuse the concern that would otherwise be there. “Though, you know, I could perhaps split the difference with you.” There was a moment of pause, spent watching Theo, half-wondering if the idea would either excite him or offend him. Offense may have been a stretch of a term, given what he knew of his personality, but who was to tell? “I wouldn’t mind doing a few of the stunts myself, but I would need a remarkable teacher. Would you happen to know one?” A small grin was passed over, as if there could be anyone else better suited, anyone else that Charles could really, in all its irony, trust with the dangers.

Couldn’t say he had much in the way of a response beyond an expression of knitted brows to what came afterwards, a mind that tried to wander in Theo’s direction to be on the same path, yet wound up only lost. However, in all honesty, he really couldn’t argue against what had been said. It did sound awful. Best not to further it along.

Not as if the next topic was much a step away from it.

It changed the mood from confusion to concern, the subtle shift in the brows as they raised, but remained patient as the other reworked the statements. None of them seemed to apparently make things any more favorable.

“Thanks. …Are you doing all right?”

“hu...h?” theo was initially confused, the raised brow and slack jaw making it clear he wasn’t quite following what charles was saying--other than his apparent disagreement over the idea of theo shining brighter than his future ever had.

speaking of shining, the excitement that sparkled in theo’s eyes once he finally did understand what charles was saying gave away his obvious agreement to the proposal. “like, me teach you?” he let out a breath, a mega-watt smile on his face as he took in all the fine details of such an arrangement. “BROOO. i would be totally down to teach you my side of the bizz! you’ll be like my panda-wan and i’’ll be yoda.” oh he’d been so close to getting that star wars reference right, hopefully the confidence that he delivered it with would give him some points for trying.

he squinted at the question, assuming he’d missed something; which, theo knew, happened pretty often. theo nodded both as an answer to the question and as a signal to himself once he figured out what charles was talking about--or, what theo assumed he was talking about. “right right right. got a little hyper on ya, huh? mom always says im ‘high-energy’.” theo had held up his fingers to make quotation marks in the air around the words, trying to act as if it didn’t bother him as much as it did. “but i’m good man, i am fucking great. my sister’s back, i’ve got a job with my main man charles irons, i’m dating a dilf.” he paused to make an exaggerated face of excitement. “just kinda riding this high i guess!” 

Theo had the ability to be endearing in the strangest of ways. The kind of likability factor that threatened Irons when they saw it in another, especially like someone that shared the same class as the stuntman. Charles couldn’t help but mirror back the grin, a silent tell of amusement, agreeing. “No, I don’t believe they are. I can already picture the bemusement you’d give to my mother, for instance.” Or heart attack, to be more realistic. Polar opposites in what he could imagine backgrounds to be between them. A friendship would have never happened in childhood, pulled away immediately into the house, curtains drawn. Now, he was being gently punched. “I’d imagine I’d be a bore to you, if I’m being honest,” he teased. “How can I expect to catch up?”

Always bigger than life, running full throttle into every morsel of mayhem. To see chaos without Theo Fehr at the center of it was like the solar system missing its sun. Impossible. How equally impossible it was to see him glide into introspection, a moment of calm at the eye of the storm Charles had always known him to be, full of firecrackers for thunder and confetti for rain. Only one hitch came to him as he spoke, making Charles’ lips slightly part before speaking. “Perhaps we could go without the fire? At least, when it comes to you being on fire?” Although, that was hardly the point. Not even close. He offered a smile, a new pat on his upper back, breath of a laugh, edging on hollowness at the last line Theo gave. He couldn’t deny it. He was right. “True. Somehow when cancellation is brought up, though, all I think about is more so my family watching, not so much the cancellation itself.” And Tammy. How he would have to help prepare it. A beat passed, breathing in to shove it away. “You wouldn’t do badly for a contract, I’m sure of it. Though, this is much more fitting for you.–Don’t you have a sister? She feels the same?”

“if i’m not on fire, someone else has to be on fire.” theo spoke more as someone with little consideration for his own well-being rather than an overt concern for anyone else’s. “and i’ll have you know, i’m really good at being on fire.” being a stuntman required a laissez faire attitude towards death and dismemberment; you had to take things as they came, for better or worse. as much as everyone liked to think that having a stunt planned moment by moment insured success–the real key to the craft was being able to handle things when shit fell apart. “like, not everyone can do it,” theo paused, scrunching his brows to correct himself, “i mean, not everyone can do it and survive.” and survival was the name of the game in prometheus.

theo sucked in a breath. “yeah. that’s the bitch of it, isn’t it? i mean, that and genital mutilation. that one would also be.. pretty bad.” he zoned out on that train of thought, imagining all the unpleasant ways someone could sever the ol’ beans and frank.

“i think we’d both probably blow our brains out.” theo waved his hand, backtracking to explain, “i mean, no. not literally it’d be more awesome than that. like, something totally insane like getting eaten by a bunch of hawks named tony. or killed by babes shooting t-shirt guns filled with confetti and tony hawks’ ashes.” he nodded his head, adding, “something meta and ironic.” as if that explained any of the nonsense he’d just sputtered. the look on charles’ face reminded theo that he’d gone from point a to point c and forgot to hit point b along the way. “i just mean we’d hate it. the publicity. the responsibility. we’d bomb on purpose within the first year.” he shrugged his shoulders and then motioned out towards charles, “so uh.. kudos on making it longer than i would?”

she nodded, “okay bet.” and then she tipped her head back and chugged the entirety of the can she’d just opened. if she’d known he was so ready she would have just shotgunned it, way easier. but that was fine, she could survive a little extra foam. she wasn’t stupid stupid, she knew that he was trying to push her out of the apartment as fast as possible, but she could let it happen. they had all week to talk or whatever— the last time she’d hit the skate park was before she left. she missed it. there was no park in rhode island just the water, and surfing got so cold. the cement never betrayed her. 

“i have to check on them! i was so meaning to. is tommy still dating that madison girl?” she couldn’t keep many names straight in her head, but she always had space for the la boys club. she crushed the beer can in her hand, waiting for a burp that didn’t come. “did you break my board? i left it under my bed since tsa almost cracked it last time—” she side stepped him, and pulled open the bedroom door unleashing a cloud of flies.

“dude!” she walked into the room, seeing the orange and brown mass on top of her bed and let out a laugh. “come on! not this again!” but she took it in the same stride the fehrs took everything, good natured and smiling, pulling up the mattress and shifting the rotten fruit, sending up another burst of the flies while she pulled her skate board out from the tangle of bedsprings, the metal creaking with the strain. but she emerged victorious with her worn and stickered board. “okay now we can hit the corner store. and i so know where you’re sleeping tonight.”

he was feeling like pretty hot shit when clem decided to go along with his antics and head towards the skate park--’course, she was more than used to theo’s ‘8 year old with adhd who skipped his adderall’ vibe and probably didn’t think anything suspicious about his behavior. whatever the case, clem really harshed the mood when she slid past him and into the bedroom. “broooo! really?! i was gonna take care of that before you noticed. gonna pull some american ninja shit--i was already doing the math in my head to fit it through the window and into fabian’s apartment!” he whined in his own defense, slamming the door shut behind clem to keep the flies at bay. theo had to stop at think about the question she’d asked, already forgetting what they’d been talking about. “madison? oooooh i got you, yeah, yeah they’re tight. like,” theo held up his hands and stuck a finger into a circle made with the others, “tight. y’know.” theo assumed things were going well lately; he hadn’t heard of any more midnight burger king meltdowns anyway. 

as they passed fabian’s apartment theo pounded against the door and called out, “faibs!!! i borrowed some boxers earlier--i’ll drop em off later. laundry day amiright???” was he kidding? maybe. but was that a risk fabian was willing to take? probably not. 

jay bae Today at 10:51 AM theo is like "yes i have spoken to charles twice and yes he is one of my best friends what about it"

“That’s… not the worst I’ve heard,” he finished after more thought went into the words as they came out, skin around the eyes vaguely crinkling from the half-smile before it was overtaken by the confused hollowness it encompassed. The explanation did not serve him any better, but he could understand the gist. “To be fair, I wouldn’t mind reading your memoirs one day.” He meant it, too, not even grazed by a sense to be complimentary to lessen the self-deprecation that he wasn’t particularly sure Theo had placed on himself. At least he was free of the jerking hand on his shoulder, keeping his own hand there to rub at the point of the grip before laughing. “You seem closer to a medium, unless you would rather be a small?” Eyebrows pinched together, now weighing if it would cause some random offense before ultimately shaking his head, Theo already skipping ahead to the next subject. “Then, having you be my double for those particular scenes is a way of… defending my honor?” he took a guess, a grin breaking across at the absurdity and how he was easily dragged into it. Warm cup full of tea brushed across his lips, managing to take a small sip before looking back over at him, somehow an unusual shift from someone he had once seen only in his boxers drinking energy drinks in a swimming pool. “No, I do.” For the most part. He paused before finally shrugging. “I don’t believe it can compare to what you feel, though, but I’ve been doing this all my life. It’s not exactly a choice at this point, but for you it is." 

theo’s grin suddenly grew, a finger tapping against the side of his head. “i don’t think the world is quite ready for what goes on inside of here.” again--parroting something that he’d been told a lot growing up. that one came from mom, but she always meant it in a complimentary way. ‘theodore you’re just too creative, too unique, the constraints of this capitalistic society will never be able to contain you and so they will try to destroy you!!!’ something like that, anyway. mom was on some real hippie shit. theo had already forgotten his own logic on the whole nude scene thing so he could only half-shake his head, obviously lost but smiling all the same. “who fuckin knows dude, i’m just stoked to hang with you!” there was no hiding the sincerity in the sentiment, a playful fist bumping against charles’ chest. “plus we get to make a movie together, which is its own kind of magic.”  charles’ observation had been spot on; theo loved what he did. he had a passion for it that was unmatched by most of the actor’s he worked with. he shrugged, an awkward feeling creeping up through his chest. theo’s tongue peaked out between his lips wetting them as he shifted from one foot to another. “i don’t know man--i mean, i’ve been doing this shit my whole life too... being loud and obnoxious and getting knocked down or setting fires.” theo had a clear picture of what he was trying to express but the words seemed to hide from him and the more he spoke the more certain he was that he just sounded like a toddler who was just excited to hear his own voice. he let out a sudden noise of frustration, laughing and pretending to strangle the air. “fuck! it’s just like, the first time it’s been acceptable to be loud and obnoxious and on fire?” he’d found a place he could be himself and that was a feeling he’d never get tired of. “i was gonna say it’s not a choice for me either... but then i was like, dude, it’s not like there’s a price on my head if i fuck up or anything soo...” 

@theodorefehr​

“i missed this place!” she dropped her suitcase on the floor, shaking the ground so hard a glass clattered off some precarious perch and shattered to the floor. she didn’t move the case or clean up the glass. “god new york was such a drag.“ before she’d left for la she and her fiancé had agreed on 69 missed calls and then she would pick up the phone. and she held her end of the bargain. but the 70th phone call had been super lame, something about being nominated for an award and needing to come back home for the show. she didn’t know what a hugo award was going to do, but he’d put it on their fireplace and said something about a celebratory dinner. which had been nice in a totally stifling way. it just wasn’t a youtube play button—ya know.

“have you been to the skate park like every day. i forgot our house doesn’t have one. and i left my board here. and there was no point— no one was there to push me.” she took a big inhale, finally walking over to the fridge to crack a beer. “if you answer no, we can go right now. just saying.”

"yeah, i haven’t been around much either tbh. shit’s always whack when you’re gone so. i just kinda hang with the homies.. fabian.. tommy.. y’know the crew.” the words were probably the closest he was going to get to telling clem how much he missed her, but that was okay because he knew she got it. they clicked like that--their secret lingo, the complicated handshakes, the weird rituals. “every day babe, you know these puppies gotta stretch their muscles.” he proudly stuck out a leg, jorts short enough to really show those suckers off. theo paused to stare off into space like he was having a that’s-so-raven moment as he took in the smell of rotten fruit coming from their bedroom, stumbling when his leg finally hit the ground again. fuck. he really hadn’t been around much... not since he filled clem’s bed with eight pounds of clementines as a genius welcome back prank. he jumped in front of his twin before she could get much further into the apartment, stepping between her and the door to their bedroom. “skatepark, yeah? let’s fucking hit it--let’s go, no time like the present baby don’t even sweat it if your board isn’t there we can just swipe a new one from the stoners.” theo was gonna have to figure out a way to deal with the fruit flies that had probably infested clem’s bed, but that was a problem for another time. like, a few hours from now at least--so he could focus on other things until then. like,, uhhh,, telling clem he had a boyfriend, for one. “let’s hit the corner store, grab some forties and some easy cheese and get freaky at the skate park.” 

It must have been laughable the scene that emerged from Theo’s presence, the way he managed to sway Charles like a tree caught into a wind storm. A hand of his own reached up, patting over it, the most polite way he could manage to catch the attention that indeed it was felt, its services were no longer needed to keep him involved. It wasn’t hard to tell it was falling on deaf ears, leaving him to sigh, in spite of the smile that spread, part of the audience that deemed it funny. “You have a blog?” Still jostled about, by now holding his hand, thumb slipping under the fingers to gently pry them off. “You don’t happen to make stories up about us, do you? I hope you captured a flattering angle.” Months knowing him and splicing together Theo’s thoughts into real meaning still felt challenging, as if they were forever in an infinite loop of a guessing game. He could only laugh at the offer that did go understood. “I’m not quite sure how many times I might have to use that. You know, I didn’t particularly think about that when I heard it was about a priest, but I do appreciate it.” Perhaps he wasn’t playing a priest per se, but how much did Theo read of the script to know? He hadn’t even bothered with his contract. “In some ways,” he went on after a moment, watching him, seeing him in his process, if there was one, “you don’t know exactly how much I envy you. You love all of this, I can tell.”

he was vaguely aware of charles’ hand atop his own, though the unspoken intention of it was entirely lost on theo. “’you have a blog?’” he repeated in a slightly less flattering impression of charles’ voice. despite this, there was no ridicule meant by the words. “no, dude! i have a VLOG. totally different.” instead of annoyed, theo explained it with his usual nauseatingly confusing energy. “it’s all video. youtube, y’know? i mean--you think i could actually like, write? words? sentences? i can do a lot of cool shit but being literate isn’t really one of them.” it was kinda impressive he even knew that word, but less so when you realized he was just parroting what other people had said about him. finally allowing charles to put some semblance of personal space between them theo waved his hand in a dismissive matter. “but it’s whatever man, just think of it like we’re artists of different mediums. like, you’re a large and im a small.” did he get points for almost getting that metaphor right? “it’s hollywood man, sex sells. and you’re a sexy guy, don’t think for a minute the director has overlooked that.” theo explained his reasoning for the potential nude scenes. he paused for a minute on charles last sentiment. it was a weird turn for the conversation but theo wouldn’t be a bro if he wasn’t picking up what charles was putting down. “dude are you saying you don’t even enjoy this stuff? like, at all?”

clapping his hand on the other man’s shoulder, theo loudly announced his presence. “dude i am so stoked we’re finally working together.” under his breath he added, “someone must’ve seen my vlog.” aka his series of increasingly unintelligible youtube videos where theo pointed out that he and charles had nearly identical perfectly sculpted asses (in his opinion)--and really, hollywood, WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING ON THIS??? “so i know usually it’s just stunts but as i tried to bring up to the director i am totally willing to stand in for your nude scenes too.” theo aggressively shook the hand he still had on charles’ shoulder. “i’d do that for you, man. still owe you for those sick hoops.” and all the good fortune that those sick hoops had brought him. RIP randy wherever the fuck she was these days. “anyway. i know there aren’t a lot of stunt scenes but i like to do things right so i’m gonna chill with you for a bit and get your vibe down, right?? your mojo?? so it’s all seamless on the big screen--when i’m being kicked out a window or ran over or whatever. honestly i didn’t really read my contract.” it was better that way, everything was a surprise!

 His parents had been placed on one of the highest floors that Ms. Samson’s building had; the view it provided of the city would be the envy of most. Only the best accommodations for the Irons, except it never was good enough, not for Mrs. Jacqueline Irons. Even on one of her more gracious days, she could find fault in being stranded in a suite, the little nuisances that were not up to par coming to bring her down to the levels of poverty in her mind. Charles had spent the past hour hearing all about it until he finally found reason to excuse himself. He had fulfilled his obligation as the dutiful son for the day, bringing with him a bouquet of peach roses and calla lilies, regaling her with his progress on Nocturnal Animals, reassuring her that things were /fine/. It was enough.

The door closed behind him and he released a small breath before the back of his hand smudged away the faint mark of lipstick on his cheek. It was too late, though. It apparently had already been noticed.

“At least you’re not a paparazzi,” he spoke with a thin smile before he went on with a tilt of his head, taking the last bit of stain off of his skin. “This could have been the start to an awkward conversation.”

theo was pretty sure someone had set up a super secret scavenger hunt throughout the building--and he was fucking determined to be the one to solve it. he’d been following a trail of stickers shaped like a pile of shit, peeling them off the walls as he went (eating a few at first, initially thinking that they had to be patches of acid that some well-meaning drug dealer had left to his fellow prisoners in the complex). after swallowing four and feeling nothing, theo finally determined that it had nothing to do with drugs, and his mind went to the next logical thing: a scavenger hunt with a sweet ass prize at the end. 

even though there was no point in peeling the stickers off since he’d determined there was, sadly, no drugs in them--theo kept doing it, deciding that no one else was gonna follow the clues and somehow beat him to the finish. walking slowly along the wall, barefoot with a face covered in stickers, theo slowly turned his head to look up at charles. “dude! don’t fucking tell me you beat me to the treasure?” theo sounded somewhere between bummed and annoyed, his lower lip jutting out in a pout. “i have been following the trail for like, two hours!”

not that he had literally anything better to do. 

the outdoor pool had a tendency to empty out after midnight, every one running for their beauty sleep, leaving the entire deck for her. she sat on the edge of the pool, legs submerged, watching the water swirl with every passing breeze. the cigarette in her hand slowly burning without any aid, her attention had the tendency to drift so late at night. the least of which being why she was here, what she hoped to gain by her petty challenge. that she could hold her hand over the candle her brother presented and prove once and for all that it never burned. that she was the stronger one. the only thing that brought her back to reality was the sound of footsteps against the wet tile. her head turned sharply at the sound, pulling her robe up from where it’d slipped off her shoulders to expose swimsuit. “what do you want?” she studied the person as they drew closer, “sneaking around in the dark, merde! most people announce themselves.”

theo had promised himself (and clem, lowkey) that he would try really really hard to make things work in la without her. he couldn’t just keep giving up and running back to her side--at least, not much longer, if her boring douche of a husband had anything to say about it. in an ever increasing effort to keep himself occupied without his twin by his side, theo had to get creative with his shenanigans. with a backpack full of items stolen from the building’s large kitchen, theo had loudly made his way down to the pool. one hand held his phone out in front of him, the other throwing up a lazy peace sign. “what the FUCK is up youtube!!! tonight i’m gonna fill cora samson’s pool up with macaroni and cheese and cook it with this blow torch i found.”

When Theo rounded her up and brought her back to his place, Miranda wasn’t sure what she was about to get into. At this point it could be practically anything but when he or Clem were involved, she was finding it harder and harder to refuse. Especially when he flashed her his careless smile and she could practically feel the room get smaller. It didn’t mean anything. They were just friends and she was still an expendable actress with her name signed in blood. She stood in the middle of their living room, trying her best not to smile back like an idiot. The noises were concerning and for half a second she considered following him into the closet if only to make sure he was okay. But then she heard the familiar whine of feedback through a speaker and Theo playing through a few chords on a guitar and it was impossible not to smile. “Holy shit. How come you haven’t told me before that you have this laying around?” He wasn’t half bad and she could already feel her fingers itching to move along the strings. The last time she’d played had been right after she signed a contract. Doing so had made her too sad about the life she’d missed out on so she hadn’t since. She moved forward to run her finders over the body of the guitar while he held it. “Of course I can! I could play circles around you for days.” 

“well it wasn’t exactly laying around,” he informed, lifting the strap from around his neck and holding the guitar out to her. “i left mine back home--i grabbed this one at a pawn shop last week.” his job wasn’t exactly stable, but it usually left him with more money than he really knew what to do with. aside from alcohol and cigarettes, there wasn’t much that theo found himself wanting for. he furrowed his brows into mock hurt at her words, holding a hand up against his chest. “were you not impressed with my sick riff??? am i not good enough for you now, babe?”