UN(talent)ED

i really want to write zen/yoosung just so i can address his internalized homophobia and tell him that bisexuality is a thing and he needs to fucking stop

i just wish i have someone to fangirl with. i hate this so much. i hate how much i'm unapproachable. how insecure and prideful i am. i want to talk, i want to say things, i want to be friendly but i can't and i don't know how. this is making me so, so angry and unloved. i don't understand why i can't take it. i don't know why i need people's acceptance or anything. i hate it so much. i hate it, i hate it, i hate it.

there was this one quote i saw awhile back and i forgot to what the entire quote said but i do have the gist of it: you know you're comfortable with someone when you enjoy each other's company in silence. i loved that quote. theres days when i wouldnt talk to anyone. no one could get me to talk. i don't like filling up spaces of noiz with incessant talk. i don't care about it but i don't like speaking too much.

this will always be my wall- a blank canvas, a next page. i'll say my deepest secrets here in obscurity so no one will understand.

this is the end. this is how i'll die. thinking and worrying of how i'll live; decisions, responsibilities are going to make me cry. i don't want to think about the future for what it holds is the unknown, please let me hold onto what i have for now, or i'll surely will let go.

this is where i'm gonna put my things now :/ haha

crazy kpop dmmd au WHAT

aaaa i want to make a really elaborate dmmd au where everyone is all in their teens in midorijima and instead of aoba being in control of his body, its more of slyblue taking the reigns and being a passive asshole to everyone. its great and its just filled with silly, convulted wordplay and sexual situations.

sad headcanon for young!noiz when his parents started noticing that he was acting up, noiz would lock himself in his room every night and he would cut himself. the first few tries were terrible, it scared the shit out of him since theres so much red. he could see his flesh opening in small cuts but it doesnt hurt, and he loses it. he drops the small safety pin he found from his drawers and cries. he wants to wipe his tears but hes so afraid of the blood from his wrists that he stands in the middle of his room crying, droplets of blood pooling down his wrists to his feet. thats when he realizes that hes a monster and hes all alone.

homestuck au called Conderella where Feferi wants to go outside and play with the townspeople but her lusi wont let her so she asks her rebel of a cousin Meenah, who happens to be visiting for a few weeks, to make her look like a homeless one day just so she can escape palace life. She then meets Sollux and his ragtag crew of losers, Karkat, Tavros, Gamzee and Eridan over a piece of bread and a large musical sequence where Feferi falls into Sollux's arms and Eridan gets all huffy and tells Sol to "be a fucking gentleman" and Feferi has the time of her life and she meets new girlfriends like Kanaya, Nepeta and Aradia and they have cute dance sequences like Summer Nights in Grease and in the end of the dance sequence Aradia tells Feferi that she has an uber crush for Sollux and as a good friend she tries to get them together as hard as she could without Eridan butting in and thinking that Fef wants to date Sol and it turns into an awkward double date. This all happens within a span of 3 weeks so the entire palace is worried sick and Meenah hasnt cracked down yet but shes so close to saying something because she feels bad but she says it all to her friend/advisor Aranea and they basically try to conceal any trace of Feferi because thats what cool cousins do but then one day Condesce steps in and interrogates every single person in the castle, along with a nine year old Vriska and once Aranea is interrogate she fucking breaks down okay sHE BREAKS DOWN BECAUSE HER FUCKING SISTER IS IN THERE AND SHE KNOWS THAT THE CONDESCE KNOWS THAT VRISKA IS HER WEAKNESS. Aranea and Vriska are orphaned children because their mother died in childbirth and Aranea has been taking care of Vriska ever since but they had to be separated because Meenah has taken a liking for Aranea while the Condesce wanted Vriska because she wanted another child so when Aranea was talking to Condesce she sees her and wants to atleast touch her but Vriska has no recollection of her at all and the Condesce gives her a choice to give the deets on where Fef is so she can get Vriska back and she gives away something but not all of it- since smarty blah blah blah and Meenah is interrogated and she gives something away too but the Condesce knows somethings not right so she uses her witchcraft to know where the fuck they and she orders her army to find her and give her a piece of her mind. While outside of the castle, Feferi learns the way to live as a villager and she notices that not everyone has equal priviledges unlike what the castle has been telling her and she gets furious and she tells her friends about it and everyone except Eridan doesnt get hyped about it so she and Eridan plot what they should do about their monarchy- which goes into a soulful duet and they both reveal themselves to be royals and Eridan is a prince from another castle that wants to perform mass genocide on everyone because everything is so shitty while Feferi is a princess that wants equality but will sacrifice a few people if they're a shithead and Eridan makes a pact with her called Moirailegence and basically they got each other's back and they get the entire crew and this boy named Equius to attack the castle, but then Karkat gets an idea and instead of attacking he just lets them get caught so they could enter the castle faster and Feferi and Eridan face off with Condesce and Eridan kills her and Feferi becomes the new Queen and everyone is so confused but she lies throughout the thing and basically make a new government and instead of being an Empress she now calls herself a President because equality for all.

Jade lets out the breath she's been holding for long and opens her eyes. She can't believe it. Jade gradually moves her legs and hugs her knees. Chilly, thats the word she could describe it, chilly. The perpetual silence puts her on edge this time, unlike before she reveled in the beauty of stillness, absorbing the peace and letting the days pass by. For how long she's been there, she doesn't know. She amusedly clicks her tongue. Maybe she wouldn't know. Shaking the thoughts away, she buries her head between her legs and screams her worries away, then lifts her head, chuckling to herself and says in a shaky, sweet, sing-song voice, "Happy Birthday to me."