Chose

You can value power and control. Just don’t come around me without valuing mutual love, care and respect AS WELL. All that acting like someone you’re not in my face & then partaking in reverse psychology behind my back is what rubs my spirit the wrong way. Unlike you, I don’t operate like that. It’s like spiritually, im doing all the genuine caring for your greater good but wheres your consideration when it comes to mine? I see you value me in my face but undermine me behind my back. If you can’t act right over here, go be where you can act a fool and be careless. Loyalty, love, care has to be mutual over here. I can only take so much in toxic places. I know I’m not perfect. I make mistakes, I get upset & have my days, but I can regulate and stay rooted in the pure energy of who I was before the harshness & know that it’s not in my heart to do people that way. As well as using that energy to push myself to be better. Nobody is ever going to take this from me, I simply won’t let them and rebuke it.

Another day of isolating myself from people, even though I yearn for connection at times. Dont get me wrong, I love my solitude very much but I find myself self sabotaging by turning all my focus to myself & limiting myself on who I pour into regardless of how deep I care because of betrayal. It takes one experience of true betrayal in relationships. Pain wise, sisterhood hits the most for me nowadays. It is such a hard concept for me to swallow/wrap my head around as someone who knows myself very well. When betrayal like this happens, it is truly challenging for me to grasp the how.. “why would you do that? why me? ” especially knowing you always have their best interest at heart & never saw yourself doing such a thing to them. It’s a realization that someone can know your character, say so many great things about you, love you openly, then turn around the next day & chose to do something so foul behind your back. So whenever you’re bored & wonder why I’m choosing to be selfish, not being the person “you knew”. Just remember that I’m still here. Still myself. Dont lack the awareness that I’m in touch with myself. Take the time to stop indulging yourself in what other people choose to do when it comes to you and look inward. Sit with yourself and stop with all these worldly views, you may be harming yourself in the long run. Know that If I love you openly, if you see love & care in the actions I do when it comes to you, know that the intention lies in genuineness and care for your greater good and my own. If you operate on negativity & can love someone hard today, be vulnerable with them then turn on them tomorrow to please the next person…just know that you could 💋 it 🖕stop people pleasing the scum way. You can value power and control. Just don’t come around me without valuing mutual love, care and respect AS WELL. All that acting like someone you’re not in my face & then partaking in reverse psychology behind my back is what rubs my spirit the wrong way. Unlike you, I don’t operate like that. It’s like spiritually, im doing all the genuine caring for your greater good but wheres your consideration when it comes to mine? I see you value me in my face but undermine me behind my back. If you can’t act right over here, go be where you can act a fool and be careless. Loyalty, love, care has to be mutual over here. I can only take so much in toxic places. I know I’m not perfect. I make mistakes, I get upset & have my days, but I can regulate and stay rooted in the pure energy of who I was before the harshness & know that it’s not in my heart to do people that way. As well as using that energy to push myself to be better. Nobody is ever going to take this from me, I simply won’t let them and rebuke it.

Someone who’s tired of carrying clarity without relief.

I feel deeply, but the world meets my depth with surface-level responses.

I want to feel loved and supported, but I'm scared people won't show up for me the way I show up for them.