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"that's oddly specific!" i live in a world of such detail it would melt your mind

Day 180 since Craig moved in. he clearly thinks he’s dating one of us but we can’t figure out who. it’s possible one of us is lying about it for some reason but so far our efforts at inquisition has led nowhere. we would kick him out but he’s been doing the dishes for us. we’ve decided that for the sanity of the polycule we’ll keep up the charade. if all of us continue to be flirty with him, he’ll project his attraction onto whoever the hell he thinks is into him. this house of cards is delicate but necessary

Ben and Jerry’s is dangerous ice cream... capitalizes on the evolutionary human instinct to dig for chunks... before you know it half the pint gone

the children yearn for the mines

I feel like witches are sedentary and wizards are migratory. A witch has a home, a cauldron, herbs, you go to them with your problem. A wizard wanders, disappears, shows up at inconvenient times to fix nothing. am i making sense

Y’all ever fuck with a song so much you restart it before it’s even over?

when the bugs have their uprising against humanity I hope they will spare me

Fool upon ye! When come the end, no power of bug nor beast shall spare your brittle, non-exoskeleton'd visage!

but I can open jam jars

So can a mantis shrimp

a mantis shrimp is confined to marine environments and has no incentive to open jam jars; I would be a valuable prisoner of war because I share the same habitat as the majority of jam-eating invertebrates

tbh I’ve spent the past hour and change assuming they’d hand off jar duties to the rhinoceros beetles to knock off a counter.

I think bugs would form a coalition of invertebrates in the initial stages of the uprising, with war propagandists preaching the virtues of truce and alliance among Bugkind... but after the conquest of humanity, those coalitions would break apart, and it would be bug-against-bug once more. Were I a survivor of the Bug War, I think it would be wise to get cozy with eusocial hymenopterans... I certainly would not want them as my enemies. If I made myself useful to them, they could protect me from the other bug factions.

Which ones I need specifics

If I could secure an alliance with ants or wasps or bees (ideally multiple colonies of different species) and made myself a valuable resource worth protecting, they could defend me from other bugs, like botflies and ticks, which may have more unpleasant and less tolerable interests in me.

interesting tactic. which if any bugs eat those ones

while you were partying, I studied the best way to survive the postwar political fragmentation of the hypothetical insect uprising

propaganda to influence spider cultural norms would probably be helpful. If you could manage to manipulate their society to the point that recurring bacchanals were beloved tradition it could end up being like a racier version of a bachelor’s party for the sexually mature male spiders where you replace getting hitched with ritual sacrifice. thats a hell of an arrow to the knee

I have an Argiope aurantia eggsac under my protection that should be hatching any day now. If I begin normalizing the idea of sacrificial ritualistic sex parties to the new generation now, perhaps in a few years it’ll disseminate to other spider populations and it won’t be weird or uncomfortable when the wasps expect me to provide them with spider hosts for their young.

Baby that you don't have to burden with the concept of morality, or worse: math