The Mutant Ages

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We all know Peter Parker's origin story, but Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends was obligated to give it to us all over again, because this is Spider-Man's show.

Before we get to the mandatory flashback depicting Uncle Ben's death, we get a modern-day story about a villain named The Shocker whose superpower involves vibrating people. We make all the jokes you'd expect us to make about that, but also, most of this episode is about how Ryan's apartment has been haunted by an old-timey shopkeeper who was murdered there in the early 1900s.

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NEW EPISODE!

Kraven the Hunter has hatched a plan to breed a dinosaur army that will help him take over New York, and the technology that he's using to do it requires Firestar's heat powers. To Bobby and Peter's chagrin/jealousy, Angelica is easily seduced by Kraven and doesn't realize what's going on until after he's kidnapped her and put her in an airplane hangar. But this isn't just any airplane hangar; it's a glorified Danger Room made up to look like the Savage Land, and it's full of traps designed to stop our heroes. With Ms. Lion in tow, because she gets to go everywhere with them, Spider-Man and Iceman set off to save their BFF. Unfortunately for us, Kraven and his traps are far less entertaining than those of his more beloved sibling Chameleon (or at least, more beloved on this podcast).

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NEW EPISODE!

Currently removed from Disney Plus, "The Quest of the Red Skull" is both offensive and poorly written. The Spider-Friends team up with Professor Hiawatha Smith, an indigenous American version of Indiana Jones who would be a really cool character if he weren't also a Noble Savage stereotype with magic powers based on "Indian lore."

Red Skull and a couple of Nazis are seeking out an old map to Hitler's hidden stash of missiles and cash, and Hiawatha Smith is the one who's been holding onto the map for protection all these years. Once the Nazis steal the map, our heroes follow them to the island, overcoming a series of Legend of Zelda traps environmental puzzles once they arrive. It's truly bonkers.

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NEW EPISODE!

Kingpin makes his debut on Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends, devising a plan to brainwash Captain America and steal a multi-purpose ray gun developed in secret by the US military. The brainwashed version of Cap enlists Iceman to help him, and Iceman doesn't need any brainwashing in order to do whatever Steve Rogers tells him to do, including treason and murder. Spider-Man and Firestar have to help their gay BFF out of trouble, as usual.

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📢NEW EPISODE!📢

Remember the Black Knight from the movie Eternals (2021)? The Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends episode "Knights and Demons" actually does a better job introducing this character.

Black Knight was banished Modred (not to be confused with Mordred) to the Land of Shades, so Modred sends an enchanted gargoyle statue to Earth to steal the Black Knight's magic sword from a museum at the Spider-Friends' college.

The entire rest of the episode plays out like a Dungeons & Dragons game in which the Black Knight has surprisingly few points allocated to dexterity. Although, actually, it's not a Dungeons & Dragons game, because in this show, that game is called Sorcery & Serpents.

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NEW EP!

Many miles north of Norway, a tanker crashes into an iceberg and it's all according to Loki's evil plan. Iceman gets a call from an old hookup and/or government contact to rescue the crew on the sinking tanker; he brings Firestar and Spider-Man along, even though only Firestar is useful at all. Thor shows up for maybe no reason, and it turns out that all of this stuff happened because Loki was trying to steal a magic gem from an ancient Viking vessel embedded in the iceberg. The gem gives him ultimate cosmic power, blah blah blah. What actually matters in this episode is that Bobby Drake meets a Frost Giant queen and then has a full-on panic attack because she wants him to be her king. Poor Bobby...

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📢NEW EPISODE!📢

Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends does a very strange send-up of the film industry in "Spidey Goes Hollywood," in which Mysterio has built an elaborate lair underneath a studio lot on which a famous director named Sam Hollywood is filming a Spider-Man movie.

Mysterio kidnaps Sam and forces him to get the real Spidey to star in the film, but Spider-Man won't agree without bringing along his friends Firestar and Iceman. Mysterio's real plan is to make a snuff film in which Spider-Man literally dies on set, and he needs to distract Iceman and Firestar from saving their friend so he creates sexy robots to seduce them.

Now, you read all of that, and I bet you were thinking, "You know what this episode needs? For the incredible Hulk to show up!"

That's what Marvel apparently thought. Why? Who knows. Who knows!

Now available on all podcast listening apps, Spotify & Amazon Music!