Iām writing this like an open letter to you. I know in the beginning, you were making a lot of effort to talk to me and I was standoffish. I liked you right away, and I think that kinda scared me. I wasnt accustomed to someone putting in effort and actually wanting to talk to me. I was accustomed to being ignored and struggling to get someone to communicate. You came in kinda hot, but I think you mustāve felt the vibes the way I did but you were more open rather than letting fear get the best of you. Then when you stopped responding and I didnāt hear from you, I realized right away that I fumbled. I realized what I had and didnāt want to lose you. You messaging me back was the biggest relief Iāve felt in so long. I canāt even begin to explain the happiness. It was like the missing piece I needed to complete the picture was back. The last couple weeks talking to you, FaceTiming, playing games, learning about bees, about the family, and finally getting to see you, hold you, kiss you, and be by your side is the happiest Iāve felt in so long. I hate saying I didnāt feel whole before, but itās true. I know Iām whole all on my own, but again itās like you were that missing puzzle piece to complete me. I fell in love with you the moment I saw you Jay. I always wondered if love at first sight was a thing, and that day I learned it was. Being in your arms- Iāve never felt so safe and like all was right in the world. I know I tried to play it cool and made a joke about your kisses being āokayā, and I know I try to play it cool often. I guess I just donāt want to come across as ātoo muchā or scare you away. Iām a lover girl at heart and when I give myself to someone, I give fully 120%. Some people canāt handle that depth, and itās made me protective of who I give my love to. As much as I do love you, and yes I love you Jamell, I love myself too and Iām very protective of my heart. I know you are too, I see it in you and I understand. Me sending you the poem I wrote was my way of starting to open up and be more vulnerable. And for you not to respond, and still not responding, is really fucking hard. Iām trying my best to not be in my head about it but my mind has always been my favorite and worst part simultaneously. Lately it feels like the only peace I get is when I go to sleep. Each moment Iām awake is a reminder that I havenāt heard back from you. Wondering if youāre okay physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Wondering if you met someone else you had a better connection with. Wondering if once you saw me in person you decided you didnāt like me as much. Wondering if Iām not enough or too much. Wondering if you like me so much, how can you just stop talking to me like nothing. Wondering if this is going to continue being a thing as time progresses. And Iāve just been spiraling fucking hard. I cried about it. I havenāt spiraled like this or cried over a man in close to 2 years since Martin was playing his games, and I worked so hard on myself and my healing that I really hate feeling like this once again. Especially from you, i feel youāre so great at communicating but then you go ghost on me and I donāt understand. If you truly like me and feel me the way I feel you, Iād think youād know that you can talk to me and be vulnerable. That Iām always here for you no matter what. But I canāt be there if you donāt let me in. I canāt hold space if you push me away. I love you Jay, but you gotta let me love you. In all your phases. I just hope and pray you come back, and stay this time.
theartofmadeline
discoholicmusic
areudirty
romaincrisis
prguitarman
