Cassius Wilder

cass: hey margs

Cass: hey El

cass: hey luna...

nicolas was off of work and was taking a walk around before really heading home. the night air was a bit more refreshing than the stale cold rooms he was placed in today. that’s saying something because manhattan air isn’t the cleanest. the male paused as he noticed a figure on a bench nearby. he didn’t want to bother until he realized the figure was… “cassius?” nicolas gave him a small smile of ‘glad to see you’ and concern. “hey. how are you? you doing okay?”

At the sound of his name his head snapped up at attention and he gave a small smile to the familiar face “hey, i’m good, just trying to sort some things out”. He shoved his phone back into his pocket, he still hadn’t texted Luna, but he couldn’t find the words to anyway. “What are you doing out this late?” it was a stupid question considering he was just sitting on a bench alone in Manhattan at night.

she couldn’t believe even he was talking about himself in such a way. in her eyes, it was simply false. margo shakes her head, “you aren’t a monster. you’re a human being with legit feelings, cass. please don’t say things that aren’t true.” she liked to think she knew cass better than most. or at least she really tried too. margo trusted him. she hoped he trusted her just as much, at least enough to talk to her about how he was feeling. she knew it wasn’t easy, and didn’t want him to go through it feeling completely alone. “you’re not a villian… i’ll never see you like that. you’re a good guy with a great heart.” she says first, sweet in tone.she didn’t want him believing anything less. “breakups are rough… i can’t imagine what this is like.” she mumbles. “but, luna and you have to compromise.” her few real breakups were devastated. cass had started a family with this girl. briefly thinking how’d she’d feel if she had started a family with angel and broken up with him. she shakes her head, brushing the thought away. as cass talks about astrid margo wonders if this was how her mother thought when she left her dad. she was an addict. margo deserved better. but that wasn’t a good enough excuse for her absence. it still wasn’t. “she needs you. you’re her father. and when she’s old enough to know..  she’ll still want you around. the real you, that’s what she deserves.” it’s somewhat therapeutic for her to say that. it’s what she wished her own mother knew.  “her real father to want to get himself together.  for himself, for her.. cass, you don’t wanna miss her first day of school? or her first steps.. right?” she knew that was a sensitive subject. her heart twisted at his pained tone. she places a hand on his back, trying to comfort him. she never told cass why she related so much to him. why she just thought she understood him more than most. she’d struggled with the same thing. counting calories, weighing herself constantly. margo tended to be rather guarded when it came to her past– especially being bullied for her weight back in highschool.  “you were doing better with it. everyone struggles with something. you just, need to get the help you need.” she chooses words slowly, careful not to say the wrong thing. “and.. i’ll be there with you.. okay? we can find you a good therapist, i can go to your appointment with you..? you don’t have to be alone in any of this.” 

It was oddly freeing to have her tell him all of those things, he needed someone to just care, someone to just see that he was struggling and not just think that he deserved it because he’d made some bad choices. Margo had always been there, he’d never just considered her his cousins best friend, she was always more, and he was sure that she’d always be more than that to him. Without thinking he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, he just needed it, he wasn’t usually like this, but he really needed the affection from someone who cared. “I can’t do this alone” he finally managed to get out after holding her quietly for a few minutes. “I need you by my side, way more than I think i’ve ever needed someone on my team”.

she rolls her eyes. “anything but that you’re good. because i know you aren’t.” she replies. his sharper tone not offending her. margo saw it as some sort of emotion he needed to get out. she wouldn’t mind if he yelled, or cried just anything but this. she watches his expression change feeling a little guilty for being the one to remind him. “no, no he doesn’t hate you.. he’s just being stubborn. i tried talking to him about it.” she cuts it off there. maybe she shouldn’t tell cass now about her telling elvie about them. it’d only add fuel to the fire. “and he shouldn’t have hit you, first of all. he knows better. his mom taught us both better.” she explains. she’s hesitant to touch him. something in her just really wanted to protect him. soothe the obvious pain he was in. “i don’t think you do this on purpose. and you can have your family, cass. maybe… just don’t run away when things start going well for you?” she felt almost hypocritical. margo tended to do the same thing. “no.” she replies simply. “cass, you have to be taking better care of yourself. you have a beautiful baby girl… if not for yourself than, please do it for her. ” 

“I’m a destructive monster, it’s what I do” so many of the names that people had called him in the past just came spiraling at him and before he knew it they were swirling around in his head. He slowly turned to look at her and for some reason he felt his heart rate slowing down, like she was calming him down a bit. Slowly, brick by brick, Margo always knew how to take down his walls, and he could never figure out why she’d been the only person able to do that. “I just needed to get away, i’m tired of being painted as the villain because I dumped Luna” he sighed once again “I get that she’s hurting, so am I, but she made me feel like any second our relationship was going to crumble apart and I couldn’t do that anymore, I couldn’t feel that way”. He realized it wasn’t like he was doing much better now that they were apart, in fact, he probably seemed worse off. The mention of Astrid immediately brought tears to his eyes ad she couldn’t stop them from rolling down his cheeks “she deserves a dad that doesn’t shut down like this, that doesn’t get dropped by his agents and can keep his shit together” he wiped at his eyes “who can eat something like a damn sandwich without feeling like a piece of trash over it” his tone was frustrated and pained, he was just over himself at this point.

she snaps, “then talk to me.” she didn’t want to get frustrated with cass. he needed patience. she lets out a huff. “i just.. i’m really worried about you, cass. i’m always really worried about you. and, i heard about the astrea thing and.. “ she hints towards, trying to figure out if that was a topic she should’ve left outside. she really did want to hear his side of the story. or at least, make sure he was actually apologetic. she shrugs, smiling softly.  her? cass’ girlfriend? never.  she raises a brow. she highly doubted he’d been eating the way he should. “mhm? what’d you eat?” she asks a little less carefully than she’d previously spoken to him. his health came first. she needed the truth. she just really cared for him. it almost felt like every pain he’s felt she feels. she wondered if she’d always have such a soft spot for cass. 

“What am I supposed to say?” his tone was a bit sharper and less monotone and he momentarily wondered if she was saying things to purposely get a rise from him, it wasn’t like him to have such subdued responses. The mention of what happened with Astrea felt like a punch to the gut and it was obvious all over his face “he hates me, Margo” his voice was low and said “and i deserve that I just...fuck i was just confused and sad and drunk and someone was paying attention to me” he shook his head slowly, he still hadn’t looked over at her. “Fuck, maybe I just do this on purpose, maybe I just wanted to push my own family away, I don’t deserve anyone to wonder if i’m doing okay” his voice trailed off. Again she mentioned food and his stomach twisted and he felt sick “Margo, i’m begging you, let the food thing go”.

“cass.. please don’t.. shut me out. okay?” she mumbles, letting out a sigh. she really wanted to believe he was just fine. that despite all he was going through, everything elvie was upset about, that cass was perfectly fine and none of that was actually going on. she’d wish it away if she could. she takes the seat beside him. she lets out a small, awkward chuckle. “um-” she kind of wished he didn’t ask. “so, basically the security guy at the door was questioning me and i told them i was your girlfriend and you were out for a few hours and i wanted to surprise you before you got home. i’m genuinely surprised he bought that.” her small smile doesnt stick around for too long. “have you eaten today?” 

“I;m not shutting you out Margo” he tone was mostly monotone, he couldn’t make himself get out anything more than that if he tried and it was frustrating because he knew that there was no way she’d buy it. He raised an eyebrow at the girl and a tiny smile pulled at the corner of his lips “i can’t believe he bought that either” he pulled his legs up to his chest and began picking at the fabric on his knees. His stomach lurched and he immediately felt gross when she asked if he’d eaten. Of course he hadn’t his phone had been off, the fridge was empty, he’d basically been eating protein bars and water and calling it good enough. “yeah” he shrugged his shoulder, it was a complete lie.

if margo was anything, she was certainly determined. she waited quite awhile for someone else to get buzzed into the building to allow her in– making up the excuse that she’d just lost her key and her “boyfriend” was out. anything to get her into the building. she’d just fought with elvie, and.. oddly, cass was the first person she thought to see. she had to talk to him. she knocks on the door waiting for it to open. she knocks a second because he wasn’t moving fast enough. she lets out an annoyed huff before seeing the door open, finally. “hi.” she replies, softness in her voice. “can.. i? can i come in? you look a bit lonely..” she never asks to come inside. why was she being so careful with him? margo hadn’t really seen cass so fragile. “i just.. wanted to see how you were doing? i wanted to talk ‘n, you weren’t answering my calls or texts and i just figured i’d.. pop by?” she explains. 

He stepped back and opened the door for her to come inside, closing and locking it behind her. He didn’t like the way she talked to him, it was delicate and completely not like her, which only mean’t she could see it all over him that he wasn’t okay. “I’m fine, I guess” he spoke over his shoulder as he walked back into his his living room and sat down on the couch. He looked down at his hands and saw that they were shaking and already he knew that if she wanted him to talk about what was going on he was going to completely come undone. “How did you get in?” he finally spoke up again.

“ They tell me, it's all in my mind They don't know they're yet to try My thoughts are safer inside I pray it hurts less this time.....

elora: [narrows her eyes and then winces bc ow] you what? what happened?

elora: hi babe. [ her voice sounds about as rough as she looks - not that he can see her] haven’t heard from you in a bit. you okay?

elora: [holds the phone to her ear with one hand and an ice pack to her eye with the other]