SOWING SEASON

So around a month or something ago this thing happened to me which anyone would admit was wrong and shitty and can be reacted to pretty dramatically, which it was.

I actually responded to it way more severely than I thought I would, but it really messed with my head- mostly because I felt like I was disrespected by not only someone of authority but a supposed friend. Their excuse was ‘I tried to apologise’ but

a) they tried to apologise through other people, after drunkenly sending me and others rude messages showing no remorse at all and essentially insinuating I was a drama queen for over reacting to sexual harassment in my workplace.

b) I wasn’t comfortable meeting with them

c) No apology would be good enough for me

anyways all that is actually besides the point. What actually upset me the most is how my ‘friends’ responded to it. It’s a huge huge tangled web and I admit no one, including myself, is 100% in the right. Although I do believe my only fault in this is responding to people who never needed to be involved, therefore fuelling the fire.  

I don’t think people realise how bad this whole thing has made me, it has sent down a spiral of mental illness I haven’t experienced since the death of my ex boyfriend, and I’ve experienced genuine suicidal thoughts for the first time in a long time.

I’ve been made to feel that I am not allowed to hold a grudge, that I have over exaggerated something, that I am not allowed to be disappointed in friends for not asking me how I am, and be upset that they chose to uphold contact with, and support the business of someone who massively overstepped the mark with me.

I have also had people make this whole scenario about themselves, and suggest I am silly for being so furious. I have also been blamed for ‘staying in contact’, shall we say, with people who up until now, I wasn’t actually aware had similar accusations against them. However, I rely on these people for essential income, and am in no position to cut ties. This is the same circumstance for others involved, yet they are not being pinalised in the same way whatsoever.

I even had one person, who was supposed to be a mate, suggest that I was ‘bitching and moaning’ about being groped at work.

These people are not my friends anymore. These people care more about the lifestyle they chose to live than the way they stand by their ‘friends’, and quite frankly care more about the drinking culture they are so heavily involved in within this city.