Sadhbh O'Scanlan

Celeste nodded, smiling at Sadhbh, “Sounds good. And I know a place we can go that’s not too far but will still give some privacy.” She held onto the jar while leading the way for her and Sadhbh to go to the same space on the island where she went with Antony to talk–nearby the island’s waterfall. “This is such a weird task. I mean I understand it but I’m surprised they didn’t just match us up with who they thought we were getting close to, y’know?” Her shoulders rose and fell as she walked a little bit ahead of the blonde woman. “But hey, if anything, we’re gonna get to know each other a lot more after this.”

Sadhbh responded with an easy smile. “Well that’s very true. All I really know about you is all the stuff I’ve picked up from your books. But that’s all attempted insight I suppose.” She added, trying to let her know she had read and liked her books. “Though I always wonder what people thought of my dad because of his books.” She added after a second as she followed behind the author. “Do you want me to go first or do you want to?”

Emmie could almost feel herself shutting down at the quote, sitting down cross legged on the bed. But she had promised that she was going to try - and while that was completely unlike her, maybe it even meant that she had feelings - she knew that shutting down wasn’t going to help. “Okay….I’m trying to think and not shut down so I just need a second,” she said, letting her thoughts fall into place, “Like I know that I started it and then you saying that just made all of this feel real, and now I’m just freaking out and…” she trailed off, before trying to start over again, “Like we said we were going to try and be friends, but this,” she said motioning between the two of them, “isn’t what friends do. And like I don’t necessarily know what it is and like I’m not mad, and I’m kind of curious, but also I’m fucking terrified. And I’m pretty sure that I’m not making any sense.” 

Sadhbh nodded and grew quiet for a long time before finally speaking in response. “No you’re making perfect sense.” She had always been a very friendly person, especially around the girls she was close to. So she had always had slightly stranger boundaries than a lot of people. “Honestly it’s felt... I think we’ve both felt for a little while that this thing between us isn’t friendship or hatred or anything like that. It kinda feels like we’re more than friends. And I’m...” The irishwoman trailed off for a second before looking up at the roof to centre herself and try to find her words. “I’m okay with that. We can go as slow as we want to. But I’m willing to try this thing and see what comes of it. If you are. Like... you just have to ask, and I’d be honoured to you know...” Fuck this was gonna be risky. “To be your girlfriend.”

“Really? Have you met me? I yell often,” Emmie pointed out, “I’m typically not. Because most of my friends are men, in case you didn’t notice that my top three here are Xavier, Riley, and Seb,” she chuckled, “But yeah. Close the window and keep the robe on.” 

Sadhbh laughed along as she walked over towards the window. Was it more of a saunter? She wasn’t even quite sure herself. But when she turned back around, pushing the window closed behind her, leaving herself sat on the windowsill she could only think of one thing to say in response. “Miss Fitzgerald, you’re trying to seduce me...” She exclaimed with a slight amount of glee, putting herself firmly in a significantly more mouse position than that of a cat. “Aren’t you?” She asked, the innocence cracking through her face, unsure of how the other woman would answer. Terrified of what the answer could be. So of course she had fallen back to just quoting a movie. It was so much simpler.

“Wait did you open the window?” Emmie asked, realizing that the entire island probably heard what she just said. That was going to end up on the show then, there had to be some sort of camera nearby, “I mean, we’re friends aren’t we. We’re supposed to actually like our friends.” 

“Yeah, I was trying to get a bit of a breeze and you know... get some atmosphere in here. Didn’t really expect you to come yelling.” Sadhbh responded, her giggle quickly showing the teasing nature of the statement. “True... but I also thought you weren’t the type to tell your friends that they’re looking so extremely hot.” The Irishwoman added as she took a step closer, looking over at the brunette. “I can close the window if you want me to though.”

“That’s the second time that I’ve had that exact quote quoted at me on this island. Are you coming for Anakin’s nickname, because Riley got it first,” Emmie teased, before rolling her eyes at the explanation. “I don’t care about brands, I just care about how hot you look!” she said, her voice getting louder, “Like I can’t sleep with you because then I would have to ghost you! And I’ve actually come around to liking you.” 

“Well when you set it up so well with your complaints about sand... it’s kinda easy.” Sadhbh teased in response before turning her attention back to the matter more at hand. “If you want to keep yelling I can like close the window again, so not everyone hears it.” The teasing was easy, and also just somewhat funny. “But wait... you said you actually are starting to like me?” The question was a big one, and she knew it. But she had to ask it. “And don’t worry, I can keep the secret that you’re softening up very close to the vest if you really want me to.”

Riley chuckled. “I wouldn’t say I have good taste, but at least I’m not too much of a grown-up to hate puns that much,” he grinned. “Oh my god,”  he laughed at the Michael Jackson bad reference. “Are you having a good time, then? Even if people aren’t appreciating your puns?”

Sadhbh chuckled as well in response. It was easy to match the fun energy of moments like that. “I’m having a pretty good time! My head seems to have become a bit floppy, but that’s cause I poked a hole in this little screen thing. Needed something to stick a straw through, aye?”

“I would hope so, I spent most of my time in there on it,” Emmie admitted as she started braiding her hair, enjoying how soft it felt between her fingers, “I think that I was carrying like 5 pounds of sand in….” she paused for a moment as she looked at the other woman and took in her outfit, “what the fuck are you wearing?” she blurted out a little shocked. It was times like this she really wasn’t sure if Sadhbh really meant she was okay with just being friends because friends definitely didn’t put on their sexiest lingerie for friends. Or at least none of the friends that Emmie had did. 

“That’s the problem with sand... it’s coarse, it’s rough, and it gets everywhere.” Sadhbh tried her best at an Anakin Skywalker impression. It wasn’t particularly good, but that certainly wasn’t helped by her laughing through it. At the question about her outfit though, Sadhbh quickly looked down before offering a simple shrug. “Aurea by Bordelle, with a nightgown by Myla Dukes.” She replied, matter of factly before starting to think about what Emmie might’ve meant. “I didn’t wear the version without a top that just has the gold pasties. I like how it looks on me. I told you I’d be distracting.”

“Oh I hate her so much. Like I have to sell the books because even today they’re super popular, but I donate all the profits from her work to the Trevor Project just to try and counter all the shit that she says,” Emmie admitted, before going into the shower. And true to her word she spent an hour in there trying to scrub all of the sand out of her hair (by shampooing it three times) and then finally conditioning it twice so that it wouldn’t feel like she was running her fingers through a desert. Plus standing in the hot water and letting her mind wander was something Emmie realized that she missed. The trickling of a story idea wandered through her mind, though she tried to ignore it, like she did every time that she got the inkling to write - it wasn’t for her, life had told her that, and trying to just felt wrong. “That was the best shower of my life,” she announced as she came back into the room, after blow drying her hair, unable to stop touching how good it actually felt, “Whatever glow people accuse me of having tomorrow it came from the shower.”

Sadhbh had spent the hour that Emmie had spent bathing preparing as much as she could. The first step had been to get changed. She changed out of her normal daily clothes into something significantly more.. freeing. The Bordelle Aurea, which had been a very dear purchase for herself. In Eden green, of course, and the Myla Dukes evening short gown. It was refreshing to get to wear something she truly felt she looked good in. Next of course, had been preparing the room. Opening the window, giving them just enough of a breeze, and prepping some champagne and a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of red for Emmie. If she were to want to keep drinking of course. Seeing the girl return though, she smiled and turned to look at her. “Well I’ll be sure to remember to keep them all updated on that then.” She offered, a smile pushing straight through the words. “Your hair looks very good.”

“I don’t touch the fanfiction part of the internet - honestly while I get it, it also isn’t something that I’d really want to do. Plus the fandom wars are terrifying and I think if I got into that I’d pretty much always be fighting and I do that enough,” Emmie said, taking her hand and standing up, “Okay, I’ll see you after my shower. So like in an hour.”

“I hear it’s cooled off recently. But too many of my friends know all about like Ms Scribe and the whole livejournal debacle with the Harry Potter community which just like... put a sour taste in my mouth for it. Fuck Joanne Rowling by the way.” Sadhbh had to add that last part. It was purely a matter of principle. And it wasn’t a soft, jokey swear that was natural in her mouth. That one was harsher. “Alright well... I’ll get changed into something more comfortable. And maybe just a little bit distracting. And I’ll be waiting for you.”

_____

Riley had been in the costume for a bit, and while he didn’t mind it, the costume was starting to get warm. He was powering through though. He’d just need a lot of water when he got out of it. Three hours was a long time, and he was starting to realise that. Riley figured he was about halfway through. Or close to it. He was still having a blast on the dancefloor, though. All the dinosaur themed songs that came on every so often made him laugh. When he heard the pun, he groaned. “I know that voice anywhere. Only one Irishwoman on this island,” he chuckled. He thought it was nice to have Sadhbh and Xavier there. They had familiar accents he didn’t hear too often in San Francisco. “That pun was horrible. I love it,” he chuckled.

Sadhbh responded with a large grin as she looked at the taller dinosaur. “Well thank you very much. So glad there’s at least a smattering of people with sense and good taste in jokes.” She teased with a smile as she did a little shimmy in her costume. “Horrible puns are always the best types of puns though! It’s why fathers and Michael Jackson like them so much. They’re all about the dad and bad jokes.”

“Well not exactly, I know that I’m a better writer than either of them,” Emmie chuckled taking another long drink from the wine bottle before giving the suggestion a thought. “………….Normally I would say no but I’m honestly a bit curious but yes. But I want the shower first.” 

“You’ve probably also started less fandom wars than them. Not that I would put it past you.” Sadhbh responded before taking another drink of the whiskey and nodding softly. “Yeah of course. I’ll use the time to get into something a bit more comfortable.” She added with a slight smile before standing up and looking down at the other woman, offering a hand to help her up. “C’mon, let me help you up.”

“You don’t even know how I write, why would you trust me with that? Besides, that’s something that I gave up six years ago now, I’m not sure that I could write anything of sustenance if I tried,” Emmie sighed. Her face softened at the mention of Sadhbh wanting to help her, and truly she appreciated it, but a deep weariness was evident as a result - the weariness of life that Emmie did her best from hiding from absolutely everyone. “I appreciate it, but honestly, I don’t know. People offering to help is nice, but at the same time it’s so vague and encompasses so much that I really don’t even know where to start in asking. Which probably sounds stupid, but I legitimately don’t know.” 

“Well we wouldn’t have to publish it. You’d have all his notes to go off of... you’d be filling in the pieces. Kinda like a fanfiction but you know... maybe if it’s good, it’ll get published. Oh feck I think I just accidentally pitched 50 shades or the mortal instruments to you.” Sadhbh responded, smiling slightly at her attempt to get the other woman to laugh. She wanted her to laugh because this next bit might be a tough sell. It might be a very tough sell. “I do actually have an idea. You seem so stressed and so weary. So here is what we’re gonna do. You’re going to relax. You’re going to chill out, as hard as that is. You’re going to just let me guide you tonight. And I’ll take care of everything. I’m going to take care of you. So all you have to do is sit back, drink, relax, and enjoy the treatment at Sadhbh O’Scanlan’s evening spa. All you’ve gotta say is yes. Then we’ll get you cleaned up, get you changed into something comfortable, and you’ll just relax.” The blonde stated, a small smile on her face at the idea of getting to do something for the other.

“It’s sounds like we have very similar but very opposite problems,” Emmie said, taking a long drink from the wine bottle, “Growing up I always had to pick up the slack from my brother because he could do no wrong, so I was expected to manage him plus do what I wanted. And then I actually planned on being a writer, believe it or not. I was accepted into a MFA program at Stanford, pretty much guaranteed a fast-track to a PhD because nepotism, but I wasn’t going to fight that when it worked in my favor. And then my brother decided that he would take a package on a plane without asking what it was and got arrested for seven years for drug trafficking because he’s an idiot. And bye-bye master’s degree, hello running the store. And then my dad was diagnosed with Huntington’s and my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and I honestly didn’t get much of a choice with any of this because I just showed up at my parents to help one day and then didn’t leave for three years. Because they just told me that I was staying and helping and included me in everything without giving me a chance to say no, and if I pushed back….it wasn’t pretty. And so like I don’t know how to ask for help. I’ve spent the majority of my life drowning only to have more put on my shoulders instead of something actually seeing that maybe something’s wrong.”

“Yeah it does. Maybe we can help each other with that more.” Sadhbh agreed, matching the woman’s drink with her own. “That’s terrible. Siblings should never be preferred like that. But if you ever do decide to try and write again... my house, well my grandparent’s estates back across the ocean has just tons of manuscripts lying about. My da was... about 100 pages into a sequel for Across the Causeway when he passed so you know... I don’t think i could finish cause... I kinda can’t put myself to add my words to his. But if you ever wanted to try, I’d be willing to let you, cause I own the rights since I turned 18. I’m sorry that... you feel like you’ve had to take on so much. You should’ve been able to say no. You should always be able to say no. But for me, I’d just say that I know you feel like you’re drowning, and that you always have been but I hope I can help with that a little bit. Cause it seems like you need some help and I’d really like to be your lifeguard.” Sadhbh stated, tentatively reaching forward to offer her hand to hold. It wasn’t a necessity, but she wanted the path to be there. “I was going to say I’d be your floaties, but I didn’t want to seem like I was making light of it. Just would’ve been trying to make you laugh. And I have been told a couple times that I’m a brilliant shoulder rub expert so hopefully I can... help ease them too.” Every instinct in the Irishwoman’s body was telling her to reach forward, to pull the hurt woman closer, to hold her, and to tell her that they’d make it through. That there would be something better soon. To brush her hair from her face and to whisper sweet promises into her ear. To sing the songs she knew to her. But that wasn’t her choice to make. She needed to let the woman choose that for herself. So she just held her position, as open as ever as she looked at the dark haired girl. “If there’s anything in the world I can do to help make you feel better... just say the word.”

“That isn’t what I meant, but honestly….I’m not against it?” Emmie admitted, surprising herself a little with her answer, “Like I haven’t ever been in a poly-relationship before, but I feel like if something ever changes and I end up in something serious I’d prefer it. Just to make sure when my health goes to shit they aren’t alone and have someone who can be with them through all the shit that comes with it. Because I sure as fuck won’t be able to. But like, I just…..I need my own space. Like a lot of it. And like the few times I tried dating it always felt like they wanted to be with me so often that I just had no alone time. And then with my family, I have them wanting things from me 24/7 and so to have any other commitments outside of that is so emotionally and mentally draining that I just don’t feel like I can be there for anyone else because I’m always running on fumes.” 

Sadhbh was halfway through opening the wine bottle again when she noticed the tone shift the conversation had taken and she stopped opening it. Just grabbing the bottle, and a bottle of whiskey for herself, and a second bottle for each of them she walked back into the room that Emmie was in. Opening the bottle she placed it in front of the girl. “I get that. I know I might not... look or seem like I do, but I do. Like... ever since I was born, everyone has tried to dote on me. Like... all the time. My parents thought they was infertile. So when I was born they called me a miracle. And then my da died, and everyone spent so much time taking care of me. And then ma died, and it just tripled. Cause now I have to be the broken little orphan girl right? But like... I’m strong. I can take care of myself, and I’ve been doing it for a while. But there’s this aspect where I want to take care of the people I care about but they won’t let me cause... they don’t want to put more on my plate? But I want that additional weight. So for me, I’m like... I’m the person who winds up sacrificing my time and my effort and my energy to try and help prop up the other person and try to like... give them more gas. And it’s hard cause no one likes admitting that stuff is too hard for them and I’m just kinda sat here like... let me fecking help you.” She opened the whiskey easily and took a quick swig as she looked away momentarily. “I just want to help give people the fecking energy and to assist them and no one lets me cause I must be made out of fecking porcelain or something. It’s hard. So like... if you ever want that type of help with space or energy, just let me know. Or with anything really. Please.”