the worst kind of euphoria

  I don’t think chocolate is a bad option.

I think it's a wonderful option.

  Yep, that’s why I’m just a teacher in Philly and not an evil dictator, I run the world. Will the world clap along and feel like happiness is the truth if we do so? Well, it was at one point I’m pretty sure about that. It’s absolutely revolting.

You're a teacher? I hate teachers. But I like you, so it's all good. Of course it will. Hm, that's strange. Why would anyone want a beaver? Yeah, it sounds kind of disgusting. Fish are gross when they aren't dead, but beating them to death is even worse. 

  Your damn right it his. Who runs the world? Michael Anderson, bitches. No, I’m not quite ready to show the world all dis smeeky on a daily basis. Probably maple syrup and beaver. Exactly, it’s like murder but with something actually lovable. 

Of course you do. Aw, c'mon. We have to make the world happy with your face on the internet. Maple syrup is probably the main export. I don't know about beaver. I think it sounds gross, actually.

See, I’m onto you sneaky Canadians with your frenchy ways and British trade ties. I don’t think I have ever taken a selfie. Yes, oil and fish are our main exports. You beat the fish to death with a club after dragging it up.

Frenchy ways and British ties. Whatever you say, Michael. I can teach you how, but I'm bad at it. Oh, I understand. I'm not sure what our main exports are. Well, if that doesn't sound pleasant I don't know what is.

  Yes, because they do not live in Canada where hockey is considered a form of heroine. Yes and they also all about that selfie life. Because I’m not all about that oil well and fish clubbing life.

It actually is a form of heroine. Boys start playing at like age three. I am awful at taking selfies. Oil well..and fish clubbing? What the hell is fish clubbing?

Yes, but all these American white girls don't know shit about hockey. They're all about that Starbucks life or something. Why're you a disgrace?

I am not the typical white girl. I'm Canadian and way too obsessed with hockey. I'm a disgrace to white girls everywhere.

I'm sure she wouldn't want to give you the wonderful charm. It's a powerful thing.

  It’s all part of my charm. 

Your charm is nice.

You're annoying.

  I don’t know… Science is making strides in that area. And how can I trust a ghost?

I am not a damn ghost, Michael.

  See I’m the type that likes to take my chocolate and dip it in Nutella.

I've never heard of that before, actually.

You can't get pregnant, Michael. 

  Oh like the edible arrangements? I got one of those once and I only managed to eat a third of it. 

Yes, those! I think I eat all of it within a few days. It's pretty bad, actually.