f a i n t

the thing about having hope is that it is so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so difficult. but you have to do it anyway

that feeling of needing constant reassurance, questioning someone’s love for you for the tiniest reason even though they’re treating you better than anyone ever did before, feeling horrible for putting so much pressure on them but not being able to help it because of that need of constant reassurance<<<<

Idk if this is a me thing but sometimes I feel like I’m in a constant state of forestalling grief. Scared that I might lose someone, scared that something might end, scared what I’d do if it did end. I have to be extremely intentional to live in the moment & not consider the long-term consequences of truly immersing myself in something or someone, for the undeniable fact that all things have an end. I wish this was a thing my brain chemistry accepts, but it really does fuck w me every now and then. Sometimes it feels like no moment will feel better than the current one, and that’s one of the most bittersweet things ever