“You actually enjoy studying, don’t you?”
This comment by my friend made my mind twirl a bit.
My immediate answer always feel like : “No! Of course I dont LIKE studying. It’s an obligation.”Â
I feel like there’s almost a taboo to enjoy studying.
But when I actually take a moment to reflect.
I realize... I do actually like studying.
Not necessarily the moments before exams. Not the cramming. Not the few hours of sleep it gives me. That’s not the moments I enjoy it most, I’ll admit.
But I do enjoy it for these reasons.
It has always been my escape. My meditation, sort of speak.
From when I was young, I could give it my undivided attention. No stress or anxiety of the outer world could bother me, because I was focused on the task at hand.
It gave me excuses while growing up for why I didn’t participate in some activities.  “Sorry, I need to study” was always there for me when I needed it.Â
It let me be by myself. Â
Headphones on. World out. Â
Dancing to good music while reciting texts. Â
Excuses to go to cute coffee shops.Â
It let me give all my focus towards something rewarding.
It cured my boredom (ironic, I know).Â
And I see these things more clearly now that I’m at the end of my university (10 years later, you know...)Â
Because when I feel bored, have nothing else to do... I tell myself “maybe I should study”.
And I do. And I get lost in the mix of it.Â
It’s been such a crucial part in my life.Â
And I will say it proudly now.Â
It gives me joy, in some weird way.
And that, I will definitely embrace.Â