The Worst Guy

Morale is low. Industry-wide. I've admittedly spent the last three weeks staring into the abyss, paralyzed by the absolute state of things. The industry I wanted to be part of growing up straight up doesn't exist anymore. And every day that goes by I realize that unless I can write exactly what I want to do, I don't know if I exactly love the direction of not only my industry but what it means to be a journalist. This is a hard reality to come to terms with. After all, it's been part of my identity since the very early era I documented on Tumblr (17!). I also made the Curb Your Enthusiasm-like decision to double down on not only a dying industry but arguably the most maligned subsection of this industry. (I do not regret the masters. But holy shit would I do another track lmao) I've been looking at opportunities and putting off others laying right in front of me in hopes of knowing exactly what I want to do this year. It's terrifying. Not the uncertainty of paying bills or supporting myself. Just not knowing what my specific life goals are, for the very first time in my life. This isn't some manifesto or eulogy to my career. I would happily pick up where I left off earlier this month for the right price. But it's looking bleak and I have very real responsibilities now. The grind of making $25,000 a year, fresh out of college is cute when you can crash at mom's after a long night at the local community board. It's something entirely different to be going on 31, hoping to get the next stage of my life rolling within the next five years. I'm not mad at myself for not seeing this coming until it was happening to me. I don't think anyone's truly ready for such a significant change in their life. Well at least I still have Tumblr.

Look who came crawling back.

So I earned my master's today. And I’m so glad that I got to share this milestone with not one, but both of my parents. To my mom: I appreciate you more than I’ve probably expressed in the past. You have facilitated every dream I’ve ever had by providing and using your supernatural mom instincts to nudge me in the right direction (and still managed to find the time to party a whole lot in between 😂). You are the person I aim to impress and the reason I strive for greatness every time I tell someone’s story. You are one of the funniest people I know without even trying and have the kind of chaotic honesty that I can only dream of inheriting some day. Though I didn’t realize it in my youth, I see now that you’ve always been behind the scenes making sure that I not only pushed myself beyond what I thought was possible, but that the stage was set for me to do so when the time was right. You have sacrificed every single day since you left Trinidad to ensure that Dalicia, Cassidy, Chad and I have the ability to make something of ourselves. And for that, I am forever in your debt. To my dad: you are every bit as responsible for my accomplishments and the person I‘ve become as I am. You have managed to be the greatest dad a guy could ask for regardless of the circumstances. Some of my earliest memories are of you encouraging me to reach for the stars. You promised to be by my side through it all, and it’s a promise you’ve kept for 26 years and counting. You told me that my future was only limited by my imagination, words that have kept me going at my highest of highs and lowest of lows. You’ve been one of my biggest cheerleaders every step of the way. You’ve kept me positive, focused, optimistic and sane for more than two decades without even knowing it. You’ve been a shoulder to lean on, a mentor when I needed guidance, a proud geek before it was cool and one of my best friends from the very start. I love you both so much and I am truly, truly blessed to have you. (at Craig Newmark Graduate School of Journalism at CUNY) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6CpUx4FLvYA2yFf52ar3AylKavOWsdLwZEsLk0/?igshid=10n6tgfsx50yy