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I want a boyfriend. Like, really bad. I’ve seen those couples where you just observe them from afar and think to yourself “Hashtag: Relationship Goals” and either swoon at the thought are burn with a deep-seeded jealousy. There’s no in between. You then start to think that all the good-looking guys are taken by now or have another sexual preference. You begin to spiral in this never-ending cycle of despair, wondering when your prince will come. 

I’m a whopping 20 years old now, and I’ve never been in any relationship. From a short, summer fling to a committed relationship, I’ve had zero. I wasn’t necessarily the cool girl among the people I surrounded myself with. Maybe I can blame the fact I was homeschooled, or that I just had different tastes in everything. 

But either way, I knew no boy was dying to put their hand in mine back in grade school. I wasn’t the prettiest, I was’t the smartest, I didn’t go to school with any of them so OBVIOUSLY we couldn’t communicate with one another. I was just the shadow in the large crowd that could sing a little, and draw a lot. But I was also the person that was known by a lot of people because of my parents (being as cool as they are in the church community), but never really known by my name. I was just there. 

But that was middle school and high school. As much as those experiences sucked, a lot became different after that. Right now, I still really, really ,really, REALLY want to invest in a God-knit relationship. It’s normal feelings. 

But I know I’m not ready. 

Here’s the thing, I’ve never even been on a date until I met a guy through Tinder just last year. I was so nervous, I didn’t know the guy, but he was really cute and interesting. I went on the date, I was nervous, I word-vomited and told some really embarrassing stories, and there was absolutely no contact after that. I then deleted my Tinder. The cycle continued for the next 5 dates over the course of 6 months. All with different guys. 

And those 5 dates, I didn’t even ask for. They just happened when guys came in contact with me. I was getting asked out on dates left and right. This was such a new concept to me that I didn’t know how to handle myself OR the situation. Some dates were good, some were awkward, that’s just how they go. But after the second date, I just knew. I ain’t got time for this biz. 

You’re probably thinking, “Don’t even complain, right now. Girls WISH they have your problem.” Believe me, I would give a portion of these problems to as many girls as I could. How on earth would you want to do this when you just stated, passionately, that you wanted a relationship? I’m so glad you asked. 

Girls (and guys, too, if you want to be included), we know the media pushes the idea of dating and relationships a lot. The fun, the love and acceptance… it’s what we all want and there’s nothing wrong with desiring that. That’s how we’re wired. But the media often neglects to mention that the meaning of life isn’t to get a significant other and everything gets better. There is so much more than a cute boy that stole your heart. 

I’ve heard it everywhere, “Cherish your singleness.” Every time I heard that I either thought only the singles said it to make themselves feel better, or they really really want to be. It was one of those “nails on a chalkboard” phrases that pushed my buttons every now and then. But now that I have at least a sufficient amount of knowledge, I can say that I agree. 

When you’re single, you have freedom to discover yourself. You can devote your time and energy to learning something new, creating what you want, investing in something your passionate about, all to help you better understand your own character and personality. 

When I was living out the week, knowing I had date coming up, my mind would always worry and wander and focus on how the date will go, or what he’s thinking, and yada yada. I wasted so much time worrying about the other person’s expectations that I neglected college assignments, personal projects that brought me joy, and even strained communication with my friends and family. That’s not something I want to have all the time. I know that can just be me personally, but it’s something to think about. 

Not just that, but everyone’s incessant chit chat on who you should date. Everyone who has a “bae” or wants to play match-maker now feels obligated to help out my poor, single soul. It begins to feel like peer pressure, and your even more overwhelmed about your apparent lack in life. They mean well, but they juts don’t understand. 

You should discover who you are first before you start discovering another person the same way. 

Not only discover yourself, but discover yourself through Jesus. Because I know what it’s like feel hopelessly alone. There were moments where I wished I had a shoulder I could cry on, someone I could talk to in a way I could’t talk to anyone else. Now, the fact of the matter is, I always had someone like that. All the fun, love, and acceptance that we desire can easily be given to us by the one who will never leave us. 

Jesus is my boyfriend. 

Another “nails on a chalkboard” phrase. Frankly, I still don’t like it. But for now, we’re all just gonna have to tolerate it. Because I try to at least have a similar mindset. 

I want to take this time, the time I have for my self-growth, and devote it to knowing who I am in God’s eyes. Leaning on Him, trusting in Him, learning from Him. Before I even think about rooting myself in another flawed human being, I need to establish my foundation on God’s Word, and what He says I am and what I’m capable of. 

Once you know, you gain so much confidence. You begin to walk sassier, with your head held high, not giving a flying fart about anyone’s opinions of you. Because you are made in God’s image, knit together in your mother’s womb, loved and known before you were even conceived. You have power, you have grace, you have favor. No boy can give you that as much as the Father can. Because my relationship with Him is the most important, and always will be, no matter what season of life I’m in. 

Girls, it’s okay to be single. It’s okay to not be ready for the commitment just yet. That’s a good thing to know. It means you’re wise, you’re guarding your heart and building yourself up with Godly confidence. But you’re also preparing yourself for the man that you’ve always wanted to have. The God-knit relationship you desire, God is working behind the scenes as you follow His plan for you. 

My tip for you is that you don’t just coast in life and wait for your man to be handed to you on a silver platter. You can’t discover yourself if you aren’t going anywhere. Head in the direction that seems right in your walk with God, but keep a loose grip on the steering wheel. 

Wherever He’ll lead you… whether it’s an amazing job opportunity out of state, transferring to a new college, a promotion at work, starting a business… Whatever God’s plan is for your life and career, He also gives you the desires of your heart. Be patient, because I know your prince will come. 

Sincerely,