Manic Pixie Dream Goblin

Page 34

yeah that's right, rocky full sentences time.

i also need you all to know the actual translation of "pebble" isnt like the small rock pebble, it does literally translate to "baby" and simon would hear it as "baby". i wrote "pebble" because grace translated eridian babies as "pebbles" for his own amusement. therefore: you, the viewer, get the grace terminology.

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close ups \/

Hi!!! Some of you have probably notice that a lot of my stories are attached to different song titles. And to be honest, that’s just how my brain works when I write. Songs help me find the vibe of a fic, and listening to the same ones over and over is usually how I keep the tone consistent throughout a story. I do have a Dex writing playlist with 40+ songs on it, but I narrowed it down to these ten because I thought it would be fun to give y’all a little insight into how I write him, how I understand him, and what part of his brain I’m usually trying to tap into.

Enjoy! 🫶

> Free - Florence + The Machine

Sometimes I wonder if I should be medicated // If I would feel better just slightly sedated // A feeling comes so fast and I cannot control it // I’m on fire, but I'm trying not to show it

I feel like this song is Dex trying to explain what it feels like to live inside his own head without sounding insane. I can see this song to Dex looking at himself in the mirror, doing every coping technique his therapist taught him, and still feeling the unsettling feeling crawl up his spine because that’s all he the comfort he ever knew.

> Favorite Color is Blue - Robert DeLong, K. Flay

Striking a pose, smiling in photos without any reason // With people that I'll never know // I'm out of control, live in a fictional prose // I took an oath, it's killing me though

This is FBI Dex’s fake-normal-life anthem and I will die on this hill. This song feels like someone having a breakdown inside a club bathroom and then walking back out like, sorry, haha, where were we? The beat is fun enough that you almost miss how unwell the narrator is, even when he’s like “I am doing the steps correctly, why am I still becoming worse?”

Also. The whole blue aesthetic is obvious. 

> Supervillain - Frank Carter and The Rattlesnakes

4AM at Forbidden, wrestling with my demons // I feel like a good man, but I'm a fucking heathen // Standing in the bathroom, staring down the mirror // Who do you think I am? // I'm a supervillain

This is Dex at his most self-aware and least okay. Here, Dex doesn’t want to think he’s evil. He wants to be good so badly it makes him worse. He wants someone to look at him and go, no, you’re fine. You’re not scary. You’re not broken. You’re not a monster.

And then he looks in the mirror and the monster is doing great. Thriving, even. 

> Heavy - Linkin Park, Kiiara

You say that I'm paranoid, but I'm pretty sure the world is out to get me // It's not like I make the choice to let my mind stay so fucking messy // I know I'm not the center of the universe // But you keep spinning 'round me just the same

This song feels like Dex’s brain as a closed tab that’s still playing audio. He knows he’s messy. He knows the thoughts are too much. But the thing about Dex is that the world keeps rewarding the paranoia by proving him right.

People do leave. People do lie. People do manipulate. People die. So when his brain says, everyone is out to get you, he can’t even fully argue with it. Also the duet element makes it even worse because Dex’s suffering is never just Dex’s suffering. It spills and pulls other people into orbit. 

> Misguided Ghosts - Paramore 

Now I'm told that this is life // And pain is just a simple compromise // So we can get what we want out of it // Would someone care to classify // Our broken hearts and twisted minds? // So I can find someone to rely on

This song isn’t Bullseye or FBI! Dex, it’s young Dex in the boy’s home. The song has that wandering, wounded, “I don’t know where I’m supposed to go” feeling, which fits him painfully well. He’s a man with no stable internal compass. He’s constantly searching for someone to classify him, diagnose him, and direct him. He’s going in circles for someone to tell him what kind of broken he is so maybe he can finally manage it.

> Pull Me Through - Royal Blood 

Sinking to the bottom, lost but not forgotten // Down I go again, heart swinging like a punchbag // Waiting on you to pull me through

With Dex, “save me” can turn into “belong to me” very quickly. This is the perfect Dex song to capture that desperate, drowning obsession. He’s too dangerous to be helpless, but too helpless to be safe.

It also reminds me of the “I’m drowning in deep water and I don’t know whether I’m swimming through the surface or the bottom” line.

> Dead Butterflies - Architects 

I wanna bother God // I wanna feel the ground beneath my feet // But I've got a smile full of broken teeth

The title alone is very Dex because butterflies represent transformation, delicacy, hope, all that symbolic nonsense. Dead butterflies is Dex’s entire character arc. The transformation still happened. He just became Bullseye.

“I wanna bother God” feels like a demand for intervention. Like, hello? Anyone up there? Do you see what is happening in here? Are you going to stop me or not?

> Can You Afford To Be An Individual? - Nothing But Thieves

So have I gotta kill myself to be original? // And if I fucking hate you all am I a criminal? // Can you afford to be an individual?

This song feels like Dex’s rage at the idea of personhood, because the individuality he craves so much isn't necessarily freedom for him. Dex doesn’t always want to be “himself” because he doesn’t trust what “himself” is. This is him trying to find this part of himself and feeling enraged that nothing sticks. 

So the question “can you afford to be an individual?” becomes so MCU!Dex because for him, being an individual is expensive. It costs him structure, approval. It costs him the comforting lie that if he just follows orders, he can be good.

> Welcome to Silvertown - Saint Agnes

Taking aim at the shooting range // Better hope your barrel’s straight // They’ll cheat you and deceive you // Yeah they’ll smile right to your face // They’re getting bolder

This song feels like seeing Hell’s Kitchen through Dex’s eyes. Everyone is cheating, performing, getting bolder. It has that gritty, dirty, urban violence feeling that fits DDBA!Dex way more than a comic-book villain anthem would. He is not glamorous or intentionally theatrical. He is a knife-wielding psychological nightmare.

Also Saint Agnes has that nasty, bar-fight-in-a-basement energy that just fits. This is him stepping into the city thinking, okay, everyone here is dishonest and I’ve decided to be worse.

Saint Agnes also has a couple songs that make me wanna write vampire!Dex but that’s a story for another day

> Mercy - Muse 

Absent gods and silent tyranny // We're going under // Hypnotized by another puppeteer

This sounds like Dex being both manipulated by Wilson Fisk in DD S3 and being manipulated by Vanessa at the start of DDBA S1 to kill Foggy. The gods are absent, the systems are corrupt, the people he looks up to fail him. So of course he becomes easy prey for the people willing to give him purpose.

“Mercy” is about knowing something is happening to you, knowing you are being pulled under, knowing there is a puppeteer, knowing that you're losing yourself and still not being able to stop it.

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> YouTube playlist link <

I did consider making a Spotify playlist, but I think YouTube is more accessible 🫶 should I do one for Bucky, too?

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I Wanna Be Your Slave by Måneskin

Nettles by Ethel Cain