The Last Floor

the caution tape around my edges

told me not to even glance that way

you didn’t like them

those trembling emotions, shivering

sworn away from the warmth of myself

begging quietly for my help

you felt i should not mention them again

those bits of me i missed

yet chided for not being dull enough for you

the ghost of me then

tiny goblin with the glowing bulb eyes

keep your teeth off my fragile mind

my head's dodgey, clumsy

slipping on peels of prey

from earlier days you found me

i'm searching for pockets, if any

if only

i accuse you of needing to be right while standing on a pedestal i built of twigs and logs peaking just inches out of the ocean if you push me off we’re all drowning

i can’t be wrong about what I need fix me fix yourself first and then fix me too i can count on my fingers all the times i couldn't count on you yet i couldn't count on one hand all the times I could count on myself

i’m 3 miles below the ocean's surface now a submarine the color of who knows what it's too dark down here to tell and the pressure rings in my ears screaming why aren't you here to take the pressure off

i never learned how to work a submarine

i apologize again after scolding you for loving me the way you were forced to love your parents

i'd like to open up my sadness stroke it like a frightened kitten but it panics, it scratches, and i need someone to help take the blame for not holding it for the marks it keeps causing i can’t soothe it. can you? no? why not? damnit.

you deserve more patience than what i’ve given you more than a ruler slapping a desk top after a sleepless night more than a 6 month old puppy biting lightly