do i dare disturb the universe?

i’ve stopped being mentally ill in the unhappy and always in a crisis way, I am now mentally ill in the mostly stable and happy but there’s clearly something weird going on way

the kind where no one is worried about me anymore but everyone knows there’s something wrong with me

Hunger Games didn’t really eat holes in my brain the way that it did for some other people but god the opening lines. The opening lines. Katniss wakes up in bed and immediately, instinctively reaches beside her, only to find the bed empty and cold. Before we even know her name – before we know literally anything about her or this world or her place in that world – we know that she loves someone. We know that she is reaching for where Prim should be, sleeping safe and warm beside her, but Prim is not there. She is not there, and her half of the bed is cold and empty. People talk about characters being “doomed by the narrative” when most of the time the character was literally just a well-foreshadowed death, but Prim WAS doomed by the narrative. It’s the very first thing we learned. It’s the most key, integral, important piece of information we’re given about everything that is about to happen: Every single choice Katniss makes is to protect her little sister, and it isn’t enough. In the end, Prim still dies. Prim was dead before the story even started. Katniss, reaching. Prim’s side of the bed was cold and empty. There is no version of this story where Prim could have been saved. Katniss, reaching. The very first thing she does in the series. She wakes, and she reaches, but Prim is already gone. THAT is how you do Doomed By The Narrative. Edit: Also it is key that there was literally nothing Katniss could have done differently. If she had not acted to save Prim, Prim would not have survived the Hunger Games. But by acting to save Prim, Katniss accidentally kicked off an entire rebellion and ultimately massively increased the amount of danger Prim was actually in. The key is that this is irrelevant. If Katniss had done literally anything differently, Prim still would have died. If Katniss had faltered or changed course at any point, Prim still would have died. There was never a point where Katniss could have changed Prim’s fate. There’s no version of this story where Prim lives to see the end of it. She’s dead before the story begins. That’s doomed by the narrative.

girl help all i do is endure

would’ve, could’ve, should’ve is one of those taylor songs that makes you want to scream at the sky in anguish and it tugs at your heart because it’s so relatable. not only to other people who were manipulated by older “lovers” but to anyone who has been in a situation where what happened to you was a tragedy, it was manipulative and disgusting and completely out of your control. because it leaves you angry and unresolved, you want the person who did it to you to pay but often times they get to wash their hands clean and you’re left to pick up the pieces of yourself and put yourself back together. it’s watching someone take something from you and walk away without consequences while you suffer in the aftermath. it’s like having a piece of yourself stolen and even though it wasn’t your fault you can’t help but blame yourself and “regret them” because you should’ve known better, or you shouldn’t have let them get to you. but it was never your fault, but you still have that grief for who you would’ve been and what you would’ve done had they not taken something from you.