Petition to upgrade mother nature's AI

transition timeline

winding up for a thunderous soviet slap on th ass

Mr. Beast is such a fascinating public figure cause he's the only one who's willing to outright say stuff like how his success came at the cost of his joy and human passions but when you look him in the eyes it's clear that he doesn't consider this a bad thing

Actually I'm not sure you can detect any core beliefs or emotions or even the will to live on Mr. Beast's face, but that's exactly the point. He appears completely content with being a brand instead of a human being

it pains me to say it but the more people talk shit about the women who wear those shorts/leggings with the weird butt seam that looks like it gives you a terminal wedgie, the more compelled I feel to take the women’s side

ohhhhhh my godddddddd you saw someone wearing really tight revealing pants in public? should we throw a party? should we invite goody proctor

and while we’re at it, I’m done worrying about cameltoe. I don’t have time to be pulling and tugging at my clothes all day. if you can see the outline of my pussy you should say thank you and go about your business

Also it's explicitly stated that the guy's consciousness is still alive and preserved on the alien planet. Jill is told this and then proceeds to defend the alien anyways, ensuring that her husband's brain is stuck in a jar on a desert planet. You love to see it

I have heard a variant on it that I really like: "You cannot hate yourself into someone you can love."

this fourth of july I am coming out as a hater about fireworks. no more fireworks. fireworks are neither necessary nor good. they kill and harm birds and wildlife, they pollute the air, they are loud and unpleasant, they terrify my dog, and they trigger people's PTSD. I hate fireworks. can we please not do fireworks anymore

honey is the only food product that never spoils. there are pots of honey that are over five thousand years old and still completely edible

i also want to point out we know it tastes the same even after thousands of years b/c archaeologists who discovered two thousand year old honey tasted it. presumably right after they looked at each other and went “what the hell here goes nothing”

I’m pretty sure they also identify human remains by taste. Archaeologists are straight up freaks.

mai nam is jane and wen i dig i fynde some roks both smol and big i put my tung upon the stone for science yes i lik the bone

I’m sitting with a bunch of archaeologists and we just laughed so hard we CRIED we’re getting tshirts with this on them

I will never ever get tired of seeing bredlik poems. It is really one of the seminal art forms of the century. I am not being sarcastic. 

If I ever don’t reblog this, assume I’m dead and archaeologists are licking my bones.