BRO𝓀𝑒𝓃 OBLI𝓋𝒾𝑜N

[𝘚𝘏𝘖𝘙𝘛 𝘊𝘖𝘝𝘌𝘙] 𝘪𝘷𝘺 - 𝘛𝘢𝘺𝘭𝘰𝘳 𝘚𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘵

I’ve taken some videos from my last trip and decided to stitch them with a short cover I did of Taylor Swift’s ‘ivy’ from the evermore album. I tend to use music as timestamps of my life. Whenever I travel to a different place or enter a new phase in my life, I always associate the whole experience with a song or a playlist to help me remember all the memories, good or bad, during that specific moment. While on this vaction, folklore and evermore were on repeat and ‘ivy’ was one of the songs that really marked this trip.

I recently when on a trip with my aunt, her family, and her husband’s relatives. I was quiet most of the trip, I was quiet the whole trip, and found myself isolating from the rest of the group mostly for two reasons: (1) I’ve never met the people I’m with before, and (2) I wanted some quiet time for myself.

When we were in the car headed to our second destination, my aunt noticed my detachment from the party and found the opportunity to mention that I should mingle with the others so that I wouldn’t feel bored. I never felt the boredom though. In fact, I was even enjoying the time with myself, and although I’ve spent most of my time alone in my room this whole quarantine, this moment was different; I was in another place, away from my comfort zone, and surrounded by nature. For me, that was bliss.

Even before the pandemic started, I used to go out alone; I go to the cinemas, eat at a restaurant, I stroll everywhere— all alone. Some of my friends couldn’t grasp the mere idea of doing these things all by myself, but I’ve always told them it was rather liberating. I get to choose the movies I want to watch, the food I want to eat, the places I want to go, without considering anyone’s preferences or feelings; in short, I am in full control of my choices. Aside from that, it’s an opportunity to discover things about yourself that you couldn’t when you’re with a crowd.

While I’ve always loved being with myself, I still enjoy being around people I wanna be with. However, the joy you feel with your peers is totally different from the delight of being solo. For me, the former happens instantly but momentary, and the latter takes longer to obtain but eternal.

So if someone happens to see me going out alone, please know I’m not lonely. I’m just enjoying the time with myself.

May 01-02, 2021

April 30, 2021

Blog Entry #1, May 06, 2021

𝐻𝑒𝓁𝓁𝑜, 𝒯𝓊𝓂𝒷𝓁𝓇

To be quite honest, I was having a hard time thinking of what my first post should be. This blog has been up for almost a month as of writing but today’s the first time courage and a teeny ounce of motivation came to drop by.

Just like everyone in the planet, the past year has been too much for me to handle. Broken connections, dreams on hold, loved ones lost—the world literally stopped for majority of us. At first, the quarantine has been very beneficial to me. It allowed me to focus on studying for the licensure exams, permitted me to do the things that I wasn’t able to do while I was working, and most importantly rest my body and mind from all the stress I’ve been feeling at the certain time. However, this so-called solace I felt inside the safe walls of our home didn’t last that long; exams were postponed, stricter lockdowns were imposed, personal connections were slowly fading—the undying threat of the virus was and is still strongly felt.

Day by day, it was harder for me to live. I have come to a point that the only thing that was going through my head was to just survive this pandemic. I stopped studying, I disconnected myself from friends and social media, even lied on my bed for days. While it’s true that I always find peace in being alone, this time felt like I was being trapped alone in a dark room not knowing what’s gonna happen next. I just didn’t know where my life is headed to. All I know is that everything is still uncertain.

With my thoughts and emotions all bottled up and continuously contributing to the decline of my already deteriorating mental health, I wanted to find a venue to release all these suppressed feelings that I’ve kept for a long time. This led to me setting up a blog in the hopes of finally being able to take out everything inside my head and my heart—to finally liberate myself from the hands of my own ruinous thoughts. 

so Tumblr, I hope you could help me in this journey of regaining all that I’ve lost in these trying times; my self-confidence, strength, passion, and purpose.