Your Local K9 Updates

So I have several personalities, and one of them is really problematic but if I start taking meds then it could hurt me or something, I'm not sure because as a kid I was told meds like that were bad and that I would be drugging myself so now I'm too scared to take them because I have no idea if its true or not and I can't trust anyone with this. And this one fucking personality is ruining my life, I just wanna be a good person and here it fucking is, that one fucking personality ruining EVERYTHING I've built over these past years. I can't fucking take this shit anymore, I feel disgusting and I can't help it because its not ME, I can't control them like AT ALL. and it's pissing me off because as I try to get better and learn how to act normal and be good this FUCKING personality ruins it all. It never ends, I know it gets better but it feels like it never will, like I'm literally forced to be a horrible person and there nothing I can do to change because of this one personality. I just can't take it anymore.

I honestly hate how busy rats is, I can't talk to her unless its the weekend and it sucks. "Hey rats! This happened." nothing. Not even read. "Hey rats! Guess what this person said!" nothing. "Hey rats? Can we talk?" fucking nothing. I wish me and her lived in the same state and stuff, I wanna be able to actually talk to her and not get silence.

Nobody is even gonna see these, nobody does unless its on my main account and even then the chance is slim.

Maybe I should leave, just leave everything. Because it just seems like I did something wrong. Is it something on my intro post? One of my posts? What did I do.

Did I do something? Why does nobody talk to me anymore... I talk in my discord server, nobody cares unless there's a ping but at least 10 people are active. I post something, nobody really cares. Did I fall off because what the hell happened? What do I have to do to make you guys like me again? I just wanna be noticed. Is that really too much to ask for?

I love my friends but right now it's draining to see something depressing.

I'm a horrible friend

Why do I have to be 200 pounds. Gross. I'M NOT EVEN THAT FUCKING FAT. how the hell am I that heavy. I wanna be healthy and starving myself doesn't do shit. How do I lose weight, I've been drinking water, does that not help? I use the bathroom often, I eat healthy, what the fuck. Do I have to cut it off? Maybe I should start making throw up more.

I'm a horrible fucking person. Rats is being dry and I think its because of me. It's all my fault isn't it. I am so sorry rats. Please don't hate me.

I'm gonna go to bed before I make your day worse. I'm sorry. Im a horrible little brother, I'm sorry.

Everyone must hate me because why did everyone just all of a sudden get distant? Am I the problem?