Love yourself first.
I didn’t. I didn’t know about it, I was just lost. I didn’t know who I was or where I was going. I tried so hard to be good to others, I’ve lost myself there. I have thought for the others, I have decided for others like I knew myself what they were thinking about or wanted, without even asking them. I was so wrong. It led me to nowhere, to total dark emptiness and global depression, because I continued to mistake in my decisions and thoughts about what other people thought or wanted me to do. I never noticed that I haven’t actually thought of what I wanted or thought about, I haven’t thought about myself. I didn’t care about myself as I had to.Â
Be good to others, they said. Be good, be kind and nice, try to please everyone and you’d be rewarded with happiness. What they didn’t mention was - first of all be good to yourself, be kind to yourself, treat yourself as you treat others searching for good attitude and gratitude, don’t hate yourself, accept yourself with all your negative parts, they might not be negative at all, they might be your powers actually. Listen to yourself. Just sit and spend 15 minutes on your own feelings and thoughts. Figure out which are good ones, good emotions, good feelings, some things you did even if it was something simple as washing the dishes, anything else is just dust in the wind. If you have some negative thoughts, think of what you can do yourself to change them, and DO that.Â
But anything you do let it be first of all about you, if something you gotta do is going to hurt you, don’t do that, or be ready for that, think of it and prepare yourself. Let yourself be weak, let yourself cry, let yourself be you. This is who you are, you are allowed to be anything YOU like.Â
Because when you love yourself first some magic happens. You somehow manage to find time to love others just as you love yourself. You become more clear and reasonable to others, you find ways to communicate because you understand your mind the way you never did before, you get out of your shell, you know you have the best person on Earth to stand behind, to catch you if you fall, and to take care of you. And this person is you.Â
Noone is perfect. YOU are the first person to take care of you. I hope with all my heart that now I will never forget about it. I know how I felt for more than 10 years. I do not want to live like I did anymore. It was a nightmare, now I see some light. I can accept all the love people around give to me, finally, and I have some strength to give it back to them. Not like I owe it, but just because I feel it with all my heart. This difference is so hard to explain, but when you feel it your whole world turns upside down. It doesn’t mean I know now where I am going for sure, or that I am not afraid anymore. I am. But now I can accept that. And be ok with that. I can try and fail and try again. I let myself to be the person I am, and I let myself to make mistakes and be grateful for them, because all of them are my decisions and noone else’s.
Love yourself first.
This is what my tattoo is about.
@fauxpastattoo















