Heart Work

He come back from Canada with this.

Someone just really can't wait to be a father.

Sometimes the future seems so blur to me. I'm not sure if I'll stay. I'm not sure how much longer I can stand this torture.

When I feel it, and I don't get it, It struck deep inside.

And I wonder, do you really love me. Or I'm I just for show.

Don't you miss me like I do. Don't you want to hear my voice, see my face. Feel the warmth of my body.

I hate when I feel this way. Because when you make an attempt when I already feel hurt. I'll freeze, I'll shut down. I no longer want to hear you, I no longer want to see you, I no longer want to feel you.

Shah Alam - vista Alam

Happiness,

The one thing that my heart desire.

I thought it would be you.

My happiness.

Indeed I was wrong.

It is not you. Not the clothes that I have. Not the job.

It's You.

I remember being so close to my husband but I was the saddest.

Cried my heart out to You.

Because no one listened but You.

And I'll start back my journey finding You.

Oh Allah, help me find my happiness.

Help me be the better version of myself.

Help me....

Help me heal..

The day I won't forget.

The day I suffered from this loss.

I'm not sure how I endured this alone.

I wont forget the tears and fears from this loss,

The gushing of bloods,

The rising pulse,

The pain I felt.

I'm not sure if I can forgive you for not being there the moment I needed you the most,

But my hearts soften every time I see your face,

But I'll remember the pain that you inflicted into my heart,

When will you learn to take care of me,

Of my delicate heart,

When will you?

Post erpoc - day 2

7/12/21 - seremban.

Knowing I'm bleeding inside and out.

Knowing I'm handling this alone.

Knowing that your wife might be in danger.

Knowing that you might not see her again.

Or maybe you might not know the possibility.

Because all you care about is your work.

And your friends.

Not me.

Your wife.

Who am I to you?

3rd December 2021

Time of loss.