Dad

Funny that you should ask. There is not a person on the planet who can’t appreciate a good french fry however… I don’t particularly need fries. It’s a total take or leave it type of food. And because I try to stay away from fried foods, it’s generally something I never order. If I go to a restaurant, I will replace it with a potato or with broccoli. I never ordered fries if I’m on the road and picking up fast food (which is extremely rare). I’m much more likely to order two sandwiches than I am a sandwich and fries. And for years, when I got fries, I just gave them to my kids. Occasionally, some sweet potato fries are pretty awesome.

This morning, I’m a diverse palette of tastes.

Behind locked doors, I’m more dangerous than Wolverine.

I appreciate the sincerity and I think that this is an excellent topic and question. In fact, I would suspect that this is justifiable one of the biggest fears some of you have about getting entangled with a man like me.

Something else to consider… I think there’s a pretty wide variation in sadistic individuals and tendencies, in this case, men. For starters, I think we need to automatically disqualify a couple types who you should be scared of. One type is just evil. Not the evil man trope, liking bad men who do bad things, we’re talking about a different level of evil. The kind of people that take pleasure in being maniacal and sociopathic in their hurtful ways. Much more common but of equal concern are just plain cruel individuals. It doesn’t matter their motivation. Whether they are incels in mom‘s basement or manipulative individuals looking to inflict their pain onto others, this is the type of sadism you must avoid and I think the type you are most concerned about and justifiably so. It’s also these mean men who really seem to spoil and ruin the fun and pleasure in BDSM for not just those subject to their cruelty, but the other men who try to pick up the pieces and gain trust after cruel men picked away at her soul.

I don’t know how those individuals control their sadism. I don’t know what their mentality is like. But these are people that relish in other peoples misery. They feed off of others pain… And we’re not talking about just physical pain. They’re interest is extraordinarily selfish and usually they use sadism as a way to masquerade cruelty. As a way to masquerade deliberate efforts to harm. I will say… In talking with a lot of women over the last 15 years, there are some red flags and you should only ignore them at your own peril. Scour the internet…you’ll find plenty of reading.

I know it’s a reasonably challenging question to answer when I keep starting to write a response and put it down repeatedly. So good job asking a good question.

I do want to make a basic differentiation: the difference between pain and hurt and/or injury. Let me be abundantly clear in saying that I do not enjoy and will not harm or injure my lover. Both because I have zero intent, and because I am smart, measured, and know what I’m doing. This has taken a lot of time to become smarter and more knowledgeable and know how things work well. To know limits and know what limits look like. There is a huge difference between what I do and those who harm or injure people, between me and those who inflict malicious pain upon people. Those who look to drain energy from another. Those who have no regard or little regard for their lover. Those who are selfish and sloppy, and don’t care about process or outcome. To me, process AND outcome matter.

THIS IS AN INCOMPLETE ANSWER BECAUSE I DON’T EXPLAIN MY MOTIVATIONS FOR SADISM. If you want to ask that as a follow up question, I’ll be happy to think long and hard.

I’m sorry I missed this question! Thank you. I’m flattered. You know…they don’t. Jeepers, I would love if they would. I suppose it also matters that I’m not cavorting around in a lot of social situations people associate with real flirty encounters. My ex was on a week long beach vacay recently with old college friends and they all told her to tell me I’m becoming “dilfy” and to “be careful.” A married coworker who is always direct told me that I now officially have the “S & P superpower.” Salt & Pepper. She said men reach an age where some have a magic power to attract women thirty years younger to thirty years older. She told me the window of superpower isn’t forever but I’m in it for awhile.

This is a great question and I’m honored to speak on the topic. For what it’s worth, I do have considerable experience, from undergrad to multiple grad schools and degrees.

In the end, only you get to decide. I want to emphasize this…this is one of the more personal decisions you’ll make in life. BUT…it doesn’t determine outcomes, career, professional path. A majority of people end up in unexpected careers or chart a different course after undergrad…some doing more schooling, some heading off to work. My point is that while it’s a big decision, lots of life and experience and maturity and exposure to different fields and people is still to come and this isn’t the end all be all decision.

So how to make the decision? In addition to it being personal, it is not a decision you need to make now. I suppose if you are about to start your senior year, yes, you need to choose. But close to half of students change majors. I did. And I also ended up with another major nobody could have predicted. So…anybody who tells you that you must pick now is full of shit. You can declare early, take a few initial courses, and pivot if necessary. Or…you can take time and try to cover gen ed requirements and interesting fields/classes, and meet new and interesting people, all of which will give you more insight and open opportunities. Find your passions.

Of course, I’m much older, I’ve thought a lot about it, have some insight, and I’ve become much more of a pragmatist and realistic in my age. While your passions matter, you all are inheriting a shitty earth right now. Your interests matter but so does economic and professional security. In terms of professional security, you want to get degrees that are portable, that open opportunities widely, and training that gives you desired skills that employers want. And you want to get skills and training that will remain relevant. For example, getting a degree related to paper printing and newspapers would be a very poor decision in 2026 (bad example, I know). In terms of economic security, this is a huge consideration. There is nothing wrong with getting an art or theater degree in college BUT doing so significantly diminishes your earnings potential.

Please see late March, April 27th, May 12th, May 21st, and May 22nd blog posts/responses for thoughts on flowers.

First one I saw in theaters (I remember nothing)—Episode V: Empire Strikes Back (1980…seen with My Aunt Molly).

Fave characters? Nien Nunb, Mon Motha, and General Crix Madine. [all real characters]