this same spring will never come again

"You know what's harder than Getting Better? Living Like That" is just the thesis for my whole shit going on right now honestly. You know what's harder than doing my physical therapy? Hurting All The Time. You know what's harder than addressing my gender dysphoria? Hurting All The Time

I'm Doing The Hard Thing and it's *easier* than how I was living before. If you make yourself feel better you will have more energy to spend on Getting Better. Nice inch nails - the upward spiral. Crawl out of your grave Thursday

do you ever just get scared that the only thing you'll ever be able to write is fanfiction. and like of course there's nothing wrong with only writing fanfiction, but also i used to be able to write just as much original work as i did fanfiction and i had fun doing it and it didnt all always feel just so bad, and like i KNOW its fine to only want to write fanfiction but rn i WANT to write something else and i just cant make it happen the way i want it to. which feels shitty because i can make fanfiction happen the way i want it to. and again its fine to only write fanfiction, and fanfiction is its own skill and accomplishment to be proud of, but also do you ever just get scared that thats all you'll ever be able to do

and its not that fanfiction is a lesser skill, its just that its a different skill. and it feels like it should be transferable. but apparently fucking not, not for me, and i'm so scared i'm never going to get the other skill back. i feel confident about much of the fic i publish but i try to throw original characters into situations and i just feel so fucking stupid and incapable. which is literally not true. but it feels that way and its like starting writing from the very beginning again. and thats SCARY

His story actually parallels Hinata's so much- like they both came to Karasuno after seeing their match- maybe even the same match (and the implications of that, of Daichi seeing a team where someone short is a wing spiker nonetheless and he then becomes a wing spiker for that same very team) and the way that he's disappointed when he comes to Karasuno, the way he tries and tries as everyone around him gives up rings so closely to Hinata's efforts in middle school, it's such similar fonts of seemingly fruitless determination. The way he says they'll reach the spring tournament this year- almost indistinguishable from the certainty that the freak duo approach every vb situation with

this is really interesting in how it frames disability/low spoons/etc as not being a series of internal symptoms, but specifically a situation in which daily tasks increase in complexity. for example i used to be able to wash the dishes normally. but now mental and physical issues combine to make that situation have a lot of prequalifications (do I have time, energy, how long can I do it without being sore the next day) that means many more steps are involved in getting that single physical act of washing a dish to be done.

I’m trying to remember the quote. “On a good day, doing laundry is three steps. On a bad day, the first step is getting out of bed.”

i like to imagine jeong jeong's desertion had a huge impact. like i think jeong jeong got up on a stage to give a speech to the troops and WENT OFF about the fire nation's lack of discipline and the brutality of the war and then pulled his fireball disappearing trick and ran off into the woods, and the fire nation tried to keep it quiet but an important admiral deserting is a hard thing to keep quiet and also there were so many people who saw what went down and heard what he had to say. major military operations are delayed or abandoned bc they need to find a replacement to lead them and also jeong jeong had SO much top secret intel and they just have to assume all of it's compromised. a lot of soldiers liked working under jeong jeong because he stood up to plans that treated them as disposable, was the guy in the war room who'd be like "this seems excessively cruel and puts our men at risk, let's have some restraint" and they start chafing against their new commanders and orders. morale takes a HUGE nosedive. there are a bunch of copycat desertions (e.g. chey), and some people suddenly decide hey i'm just. not gonna serve another tour. maybe take a break from the military and do something else. no reason. and once the story spreads to the mainland, military recruitment goes down, not even in a particularly anti-war way, just in a "well it kinda doesn't seem like a great gig if a guy who was AT THE TOP flamed out spectacularly". it's this massive logistical and PR nightmare for the fire nation military and that's why jeong jeong did it

i genuinely don't think there's much, if anything, hotter than someone clearly having a blast doing something they're really good at. doesn't really matter what it is. the combo of competence and joy is absolutely lethal to me

its actually easy to de-enshittify your digital experience all you need to do is install this browser extension and this browser extension and this browser extension and input this custom script into the advanced box and go into your system settings and reconfigure all these options you didnt know existed and change your entire workflow and switch to this alternative operating system and this alternative web browser and this alternative chat client and this alternative word processor and this alternative- sorry that one turned out to be malware delete that one okay now double check your task manager for unwanted background processes and element block these ads and invest in a good VPN and append all your searches with AI blocking keywords and wait a few years until everything you just did becomes shitty too so you can do it all over again okay kitten. its literally that easy.

i like fanworks where dick is closer with the batsiblings than he is in canon but like generally speaking he's really busy and self-isolating and they have to break into his apartment or call him for backup to see him. like in post-crisis canon. even timmy who is his little purse dog doesn't spend half as much time with dick as you'd expect. the titans barely see him unless they're backing each other up or are on a team together at the moment which is half of why they keep manically reforming the team every three years (so they can actually hang out). post-crisis dick is not the person keeping the bats together (that's tim) or scheduling family hangouts (that's not really any of them on any kind of regular basis) he's spending 18 hours a day minimum working and nightwinging and somehow squeezing even more time out of the day to fix his neighbor's water heater and do six other good deeds and then he's getting shot again

It's Matteo JWHJ0715!!!!! Very talented director (italian mother, license plate father)

sometimes being a fan of something means not wanting them to make any more of it