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today (and other times now that im thinking abt it) I’ve called myself weird in passing because i am weird and always have been and she says something like “when you say weird what do you mean? weird is just a label” as if its some negative internalization of mine. but no. i like being weird. i liked being weird when i was a kid and had an admittedly obnoxious ‘im gonna be myself no matter what you think and if you don’t like it that’s your problem’ phase. i very decidedly did not want or care to be like other kids and now i do not want or care to be like other twenty-somethings. im weird in un-endearing ways, like if i get a cut on my finger i wipe it in my sketchbook and label the date to “immortalize” it for no real reason other than i want to.

and maybe that’s hot to some MGK wannabe or whatever but if i told anyone else that it would be seen as concerning behavior instead of a personality quirk. or my little morbid fascination with personifications of death that I’ve had since childhood. obviously nothing special but definitely not something you tell people as an icebreaker to make friends . idk im just rambling but i really don’t appreciate this almost sanitized approach to my experiences especially when the goal seems to just not be negative about anything.