The Gentleman Wolf

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One of the hardest things that we will ever do is allow ourselves to be vulnerable after someone else has hurt or betrayed us. We don't give our trust easily a second time. Any creature that learns that humans are not safe will become afraid of them. As much as we want love and connection, we just know that it's safer not to love, not to trust, not to care. So we pull away, shut down our feelings and put up our walls. We try to isolate our heart in order to insulate it from this cold world.

Our primary need in order to open our heart is to feel emotionally safe. That means that we need to be very careful who we choose to share our heart with. If we've been deeply hurt in the past, would it make sense to trust our heart with someone who cannot empathize with our pain, who's never dealt with their own emotional wounds or runs away or lashes out with anger?

No, what we need is greater compassion, understanding, kindness and empathy; someone who feels our pain in their heart and acts out of love — who shows us that not all people are the same or want to hurt us.

All we really need is one person in this world who gets us, accepts us and makes it easier for us to love our self. One person who can teach us how to open our heart again and not regret it.

There's no way to completely avoid pain in life, but being with someone who holds us tight, keeps us warm and comforts us through it, can help us endure almost anything.

Be the reason why someone is able to love and trust again. Be that safe place for someone to lay their head down and close their eyes because they know that you are watching over them. Be the person who helps someone else find their courage to heal, to love and enjoy the freedom of being themselves again.

We were born to be passionate, wild and free, to run, to play, to laugh and to share. We are not made to feel trapped and alone. So why do we create prisons for ourselves and then stay in them when we have the means to be free? —Fear, guilt and shame. When we agree with the belief that we're not good enough or don't deserve better because someone or something else made us feel that way, then we become trapped by fear of uncertainty and then punish ourselves through self judgement, criticism, shame and guilt. We accept the "belief" that we're not meant to be free, that it's safer to stay in our guilded cage.

We are not taught to trust ourselves so therefore why should we believe in and have faith in ourselves. We voluntarily give up our dreams and and stop craving our passions.

Isn't it time to start asking yourself what it is that you really want for yourself and what is it that you really want to believe about yourself? Isn't it time to give yourself permission to be happy? Find a way to set yourself free so you can be the way you were born to be.

What would you do for love? What would you be willing to do to hold on to love, to keep your partner from falling out of love with you? How far would you go to grow together?

A relationship has to be nurtured, fed and watered with love. If you see your relationship as a means to just getting your needs met, then you're using your partner and eventually, you will use them up and with it, their patience and love for you. If you are not keeping their heart safe by feeding your emotional connection with them with love, affection and communication, they will eventually stop trusting you and become afraid of you.

If you are trying to get your partner to change or believe that you can save them, then you are essentially "working" for that person and, not only taking responsibility for them and how they feel, but you are setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. We simply cannot make anyone change or save them, they have to want to save themselves and be willing to take responsibility for their own healing and transformation. The best we can do is support them as they try their best and try to make it easier for them to love themselves.

If we are not willing to put in the work and effort that it takes to keep the love alive, then we shouldn't be surprised when their feelings for us change, we let it happen. We NEED to feel emotionally safe with our partner in order to be in love with them. Being in love and staying in love requires vulnerability and courage; it means exposing our heart to someone and trusting them in a way that we don't trust anyone else in this world.

What are you willing to do for love? Are you willing to make yourself uncomfortable enough to grow and become the best version of yourself? What do you really want for you and your partner? You will either grow together or grow apart, which way you grow is up to you. -Joel Clemons • Love, Life & Relationship Coach @the.gentleman.wolf

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To love someone means to protect them, it means that the last thing you would ever want to do is to hurt them. While most people would not physically harm their partner, they may not be aware of how much they might be emotionally, and even mentally, hurting them. The reason why they may not recognize how they are hurting them may be because they were raised in a family where everyone yelled at each other, insulted each other or were sarcastic and passive aggressive. They might have been taught that the more you love someone, the angrier you get when you're expressing your emotions and that when you love someone, you fight with them. But is that really being loving, to intentionally yell at or lash out at the one you claim to love? How can you really be vulnerable and have emotional intimacy and trust with someone who is capable of hurting you or punishing you when they're upset or angry? Love protects, nurtures and comforts; it heals the wounds, it doesn't cause them, it builds up in love, it doesn't tear someone down by using their weaknesses against them.

When you love someone, you don't bite their head off because you're in a bad mood, but you learn how to control your emotions and communicate in a way that allows your partner to want to help you feel better, because real love is self-sacrificing and rewarding, which means that there isn't anything that you wouldn't do to KEEP them from harm. Your partner needs to feel that if there is anyone in this world that has their back and will keep them safe, it's you... their Wolf. -Joel Clemons • Love, Life & Relationship Coach @the.gentleman.wolf

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Be the person that you want to attract. Learn to love yourself without

judgement if you want someone

else to love you unconditionally.

Respect and stand up for yourself

if you want someone else who

will keep you safe.

Live your passion if you want to

find someone who makes you feel free.

The kind of relationship you have with yourself is what you will attract.

-Joel Clemons • Love, Life & Relationship Coach @the.gentleman.wolf

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"In the end, we all just want someone who chooses us. Over everyone else, under any circumstances." -unknown

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Choosing someone is not as simple as just saying that you love them, it's learning HOW to love them, it's learning how to be fluent in the language that makes them feel loved. How can we say to our partner that we choose them if we don't listen to understand them or threaten to leave when things get difficult? Are we putting our feelings aside and making them feel safe to express themselves, or are we choosing to make our feelings the priority and showing that they need to learn to speak OUR language? Are we only choosing them when they make us happy and give us what we want?

What we have to remember is that by the way we speak and act, we are either rewarding or punishing our partner for loving us, we are either choosing their love or rejecting it.