Ever wondered what an SAT essay that received a 6 (the perfect score) looked like? Wonder no longer.
The prompt comes from p. 699 of your Official SAT Study Guide: Can success be disastrous?
The world is littered with the carcasses of those who strove for success, only to find emptiness and despair. Relentlessly pursuing success can lead to death–as in the case of Jay Gatsby–or, more commonly, to disappointment and madness, as in the cases of Alexander the Great and Britney Spears. Success can have disastrous consequences.
Jay Gatsby, the anti-hero of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby, was a man motivated by his need to succeed. Jay Gatsby said that his goal was to win the love of Daisy, but he was really motivated by a more common American dream: money. Gatsby only loved Daisy because her voice sounded “like money.” His whole life was spent pursuing financial and social success. Nothing good came from his desire for success; instead, Gatsby died, and almost nobody attended his funeral.
The case of Alexander the Great had similarly disastrous consequences. Conquering the known world was Alexander the Great’s main goal and he excelled at it. By his early 30′s, Alexander found that he had successfully gained power over everything he had ever wanted. But this didn’t satisfy Alexander. Instead, he was crushed by the disappointment that there was nothing left to conquer. Alexander was successful in achieving his incredible goal, but his success proved disastrous to his mental health, and he died soon after.
Britney Spears is another cautionary tale of success. From her early appearances on the Mickey Mouse club, to her musical superstardom, to her head-shaving public breakdown, Britney Spears proved how quickly your star can ascend and then crash back down. She achieved worldwide success shortly after she did puberty. It was obviously too much for her to handle, both mentally and emotionally. Her life of glamor and fame quickly fell apart. By all accounts her success was devastating to her personal life and mental health.
The pitfalls of striving for—and achieving—success are tragically apparent in the examples of Jay Gatsby, Alexander the Great, and Britney Spears. Those who hope to be famous and revered should take note. In some situations, success can have unexpected and unfortunate consequences.
What did this essay have in it that you can do?
1) It had a clear thesis. A thesis is basically your opinion, stated as a fact. It can be stated with supporting reasons, with examples, or alone (as it is in this case) for dramatic effect. But it always needs to be clear.
2) It had a hook. This writer wasn't afraid to entertain the reader a bit with a strong introduction to the topic. You shouldn't be either.
3) It had clear, well explained examples. Each example was well-developed, meaning the writer gave the readers all the information they would need to agree with their argument. The writer also made sure to add a sentence or two at the end of each example paragraph that tied the examples back to their thesis; each of these sentences explained why success was disastrous in each case.
4) The conclusion summed up the argument without being repetitive. In some cases it's enough to restate your thesis and tell us how you've just proven that. But then this essay took it a step further and...
5) Focused on the big picture. A simple sentence about how the moral of this story might affect the larger world helps give this essay extra oomph.
And on the technical side:
6) This essay was free of typos.
7) This essay avoided "passive voice". This author understood that saying 'Jake Gatsby had been going...' is passive voice, and should never be used when they could say 'Jake Gatsby went'. They kept their sentences short and clear and used plenty of action verbs.
8) This essay was well structured. It followed the five paragraph form, but keep in mind that when you're pressed for time or inspiration, four paragraphs will do. What's important is that this essay had a beginning, middle and end (Intro, examples and conclusion).
Looking to try to study for the SAT essay on your own? Try writing with the following sample prompt:
    “The prevalent fear of poverty among the educated classes is the worst moral disease from which our civilization suffers” - William James
“Poverty often deprives a man of all spirit and virtue; it is hard for an empty bag to stand upright” - Benjamin Franklin
Assignment: Within the American idea of success, is it possible for someone to be successful and poor? Unsuccessful and rich? Why or why not? Plan and write an essay using examples from your own reading and experiences.
Test yourself. Try writing on this prompt for 25 minutes, then stop and give what you've written to a friend, parent or teacher to correct. How would they rate what you've written? Are they convinced by your argument? The best way to a better SAT essay is to write more!
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