There's some good in this world

Eleanor couldn’t imagine what things would be like without Lily and her leadership. She couldn’t imagine what she would be like without Lily there to guide her. The Order had always given her an outlet for her anger at her family, had turned it into something productive, rather than harmful, and a lot of that had to do with how Lily ran things. She always just seemed to know exactly what they all needed and when they needed it. She would forever be in awe of the seemingly effortless way that Lily managed it all. She had always been there for all of them, and it was something that Eleanor would forever be grateful for, and would never be able to truly repay. “You guys are cute,” Eleanor said with a smile. “I’m grateful for him too. I just feel lucky that I have both of you in my life. Don’t know what I’d do otherwise,” she admitted. It made her sick to think of how her family would view her friendship with Lily and Ren, and how they would never approve of it. It made her glad that she had never bought into their programming, she would have missed out on so many amazing people if she had believed her family’s nonsense.

People might side eye them for smiling and laughing, but Eleanor didn’t care. Things were so messed up but they couldn’t just give in to it. And besides, Marlene was going to be okay and that was enough for smiling. There would be enough frowning in the coming weeks, and if they could feel lighthearted for even a second, Eleanor was all for it. It made Eleanor sad that families had to be complicated, but nobody had ever said that it would be easy. She had grown up in a messed up family and she had always been very aware of how she was different from Lucius and her parents. It just was what it was. “Damn right he is,” Eleanor agreed. She was sure that nobody would allow Sebastian to get away with what he had done. It worried her, that he might come back again, but they would handle that if it happened. “We all have Marlene’s back and we’re not going to let him ever do anything like this again,” Eleanor said. She smirked. “He won’t know what hit him if Marlene gets to him.” He would deserve it. Eleanor nodded. “I can do that,” She said with a shrug. “But whatever you need…you know i’m here,” she said. “I’ll see if anybody says anything at the Ministry that would be useful for us,” she offered. “People always say things that they shouldn’t in front of me. They forget that I have ears and i’m always listening.” 

“I know,” Eleanor said, offering her a small smile. She wondered what her mother thought of Peter’s sudden appearance, Adeline Malfoy had always ignored her husbands indiscretions so long as they weren’t in her face. For a moment, it made Eleanor sad to think of her mother having to deal with her husbands love child coming in and out of the house. But the moment was gone as quickly as it came, as she thought of all the times that her mother had allowed Abraxas to belittle them for being women, and that her mother had fully committed to the party line that Lucius was the superior child. She deserved whatever she got now as far as Eleanor was concerned. “I can only imagine…I can’t really remember a time when you all weren’t together.” It was what made what Peter did even more hard to fathom. When had he found the time to go and meet with Lucius or her father? When had it even started? Eleanor had plenty of questions that she was sure would never be answered. She nodded her head. “He can’t just come back like nothing had ever happened,” she agreed. “He made his choice…I hope for his sake that he doesn’t regret it.” She couldn’t bring herself to feel bad for Peter, he had made his bed and he was going to have to lay in it now. “I know I don’t…but it comes with a lifetime of apologizing for my family, you know? I feel responsible for him…for the crap that they all do and the way that they treat people. I feel guilty for it all.” She shrugged. “I feel like I have to work ten times harder to show everyone that I’m nothing like my family. Everyone hears my last name and just assumes that I’m like them. It comes with the last name, I guess.” 

___

Laughing, she shook her head, “Well we’re something. Our dad always said our family was meant to find each other. I used to think that was a very sappy way to look at things, but now I’m not so sure that he wasn’t right,” she admitted. Lily knew that her life would have been entirely different if her mother hadn’t left. If Aaron Evans hadn’t come into their life when he had, Lily knew that her life wouldn’t be at all like it was now. She wouldn’t have ever had Ren, wouldn’t have had a father that she could rely on and talk to, and her mother wouldn’t have reconnected with her roots in the way that she had. Their family was always meant to be a unit, and Lily would do anything to protect what they had built. “You’re a part of our family too you know. There’s always going to be a place for you with us, El,” she promised, giving the younger girl a small, reassuring squeeze. Despite the fact that the Evans family was relatively close knit, they always had room for people that needed a little extra love. They always had an open door policy to those that needed it. 

When it came to humor, it had always been Lily’s choice of coping mechanism. In a crisis, finding ways to laugh or lighten the mood made it just that much easier to swallow. Lily knew that without those small moments to make things just a little bit lighter, they would be overcome and consumed with the darkness. Lily was still rolling at the idea that Sebastian had tried to take out both the love of her life and her best friend. It filled her with a rage that was quite frankly, pliable, and paired with Peter’s betrayal, she hoped she didn’t come across either of them in the next few hours, lest she take them out on pure impulse alone. “No he won’t, and it’ll be that much worse if he ends up dealing with all of us. I, for one, don’t know that I could hold back if truly given the chance,” she admitted. Violence wasn’t necessarily in her nature, but she was a lioness at heart and she would sooner rip a person to shreds than see them hurt someone that she’d claimed as her own. Nodding, she gave her a soft smile and her arm a light squeeze, “Good, thank you. If you do that, it’ll allow me to get my job done that much easier, at least for now. I know you are, and I’m going to need you soon. I’m going to put you in touch with Remus shortly, he’s something of an expert in certain magical creature fields, and I think between the two of you we could draft a counter argument to the new laws that were just ordered,” she murmured. Smiling, Lily nodded, “Being underestimated is one of your greatest assets and nothing makes me prouder than the fact that you’ve learned how to use it,” she admitted. 

Imagining the pureblood mentality was hard, as she had grown up in completely opposite circumstances. Her family had functioned closer to matriarch in many instances, but mostly, her parents operated on equal footing. There was respect and support on both sides, and they played to each other’s strengths. Her parents' balance was part of the reason their family worked as seamlessly as it did. Swallowing, she nodded, “Me neither. Since the first day we were all sorted at Hogwarts really. It’s been the five of us ever since and now - it feels like we’re missing a limb,” she murmured, an almost far away look in her eye. Lily really didn’t want to dwell on the sadness it caused, because it was so much easier to function in her anger. Biting her lip, she gave a hum, “You’re a better person than I, El,” she mused, her voice holding a humorless amusement as she continued, “Because I for one, hopes he chokes on his regret from the choices he’s made.” Lily was snapped out of her trance, her anger, her creeping sadness at the other girl’s words. Instead, a protective instinct took over, and Lily carefully, gently, cradled the younger girl’s face in her hands. “Stop. That line of thinking ends right now. You are not them, Eleanor. You are not their choices, not their mistakes, and not responsible for their actions. That guilt is not yours to carry. Let it go,” Lily ordered, her voice a powerful balance of gentle and unyielding. Shaking her head, Lily pushed Eleanor’s hair back gently, “I know who you are, El. I know you’re heart. You’re never going to have to prove yourself to me, and I will vouch for you every single time,” she promised, kissing her forehead carefully.

.

Of all the things Remus had been forced to come to terms with over the course of his life, being at war was one of the easiest.  In many ways, he’d been at war all his life.  His very first memories had been of battle; pain and rage, broken skin and broken bones, splatters of blood across the ground and caked into his fingernails.  Remus Lupin was a war in some way, a constant struggle between separate but equal parts, fighting an endless battle that would destroy them both in the end.

It was harder to think of his friends there with him, but there was something to companionship, to battling away at a cause.  There was a depth to the bonds they had now, now that they were all so willing to put their lives on the line for each other.  “And how much better to die in all the happy period of undisillusioned youth, to go out in a blaze of light, than to have your body worn out and old illusions shattered,” as Hemingway had said.

These things Remus had allowed, he had accounted for, but losing Peter in the spectacular way they had and with everything he could hold over all of them was the most heinous part of all of this.  And it all still felt like something that could have been prevented, if he’d just worked a little harder. In that one way, that one singular thing, he’d allowed his private idealism to take over his own common sense.  He could have been warning everyone, but he’d chosen to believe in the innate goodness of the people he’d chosen to love.

It was hard enough for him to deal with on his own, but even harder when he had to watch his friends live through the same betrayal.  As much as Lily kept telling him that it wasn’t his fault, Remus knew it wholly was. Saying nothing made him guilty by default, doing nothing had allowed Peter to cause the ultimate amount of damage as he blazed his way through all of them.  "It is my fault,“ he said softly.  "I should have done something more, said something.  Even if no one had believed me, it would have had people thinking.”   He sighed.  "Maybe you’re right, but you can’t know.  You can’t know that it wouldn’t have changed anything.“  Remus was sure he’d be up playing what ifs for a very, very long time.

While Lily’s tenderness with him was completely in character, he couldn’t help but feel that he didn’t deserve it, especially when he was sitting here admitting to a lust for cold blooded murder.  He shook his head, fists clenching and unclenching almost rhythmically in his lap.  "It’s always been the one thing separating me from it, Lil.  That’s it.  We share a pain, we share a longing, but that penchant for violence, the lust for it…that’s the one thing that separates us.  If I start giving into it, what does that make me?  If I tear down all the walls between us, then what am I?”  He laughed, unamused.  "It makes me want to hurt him even more, for making me feel like this.  He really did find a way to take almost everything from me.“

_____

While Lily had never outright sought out war, she wasn’t terribly surprised to find herself in the midst of one. She had always been brimming with just a little too much passion, and she was always just a little too ready to fight for what she wanted. Despite the fact that she could be impossibly soft, her fists were always half clenched, ready to swing if necessary. This was as good a cause as any, perhaps the most fitting one for her to throw her weight fully behind. Besides, if people were willing to follow her, maybe it was her duty to lead. 

However, the idea of leading was a lot easier to picture than actually doing. It was especially difficult when the people she was leading were those that she would be shattered to lose. Lily couldn’t imagine her life without her boys, without Marlene, without Evan, with the rest of their friends that were following her headfirst into battle because they trusted her. Sometimes the amount of faith they put in her hands was utterly overwhelming. Lily dreaded the day she got one of them killed, because as much as she vowed to herself that she’d never allow it to happen, she couldn’t make those kinds of promises. She knew if she lost them it would only be at her own expense as well. The Smiths had put it into words when they said ‘to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die,’ and Lily didn’t doubt that it would be glorious if it ever came to that. 

Pushing her hair back, Lily gave him a soft smile as she countered, “Well you might blame yourself, and I can’t ease that, but know that I don’t blame you. You were in an impossible situation, Rem, and I for one, wouldn’t have wanted to be caught in it.” Lily knew that this wasn’t a guilt she could absolve him of. As much as she wanted to take it off his shoulders and rid him off it and all the rest, she couldn’t. However, she could ensure that he didn’t add anymore on her behalf. “Maybe, or it would have fractured us sooner and in a worse way. I don’t know,” she mused. Lily had a distinct image of her and Remus standing against the rest because even if Lily wouldn’t have seen it, wouldn’t have wanted to, she’d have stood by Remus every time. James and Sirius, though, she couldn’t be sure. Would they have pushed them out or Peter? It was hard to tell and something she didn’t want to necessarily dwell on. 

“I’m sure it would have changed something, but I can’t imagine it’d have changed anything for the better,” she admitted. It was a distinctly bitter feeling, but one she knew well nonetheless. Lily had always been good at listening to the universe, and this time it was asking her to stop pulling on the strings of what if. What was done was done. Nodding, she gave a quiet hum, “I hear you,” she answered, and she did. There was no counter argument, no but to tack on, no rebuttal to his statement because there was no need for one. Remus was opening up to her, and Lily, she was there to just listen. If she was good at listening to the universe, she was better at listening to Remus, especially when he was telling her what he needed without saying the words. “You’re human. That rage, that anger, that lust for violence, it’s so incredibly human. What makes you remarkable is that you’ve managed to keep those lines intact because I can promise you that in your shoes I wouldn’t have. Most of us wouldn’t have been able to do that. I mean, have you met James and Sirius?” she asked. 

Rage circulated in her fists again, the half closed posture of them tightening until her fingernails dug harshly into her palm. Of all the people for Peter to hurt, Remus deserved it the least. It made her want to obliterate him from the map, and she’d be more scared of her rage if it wasn’t something she felt was so righteously justified. “He doesn’t get to take that or anything else from you Remus. I won’t let him keep taking things. If that means standing by your side to fight off the anger together then that’s what it takes, but he doesn’t get to take another damned thing from you,” she murmured, releasing her fists and letting out a breath.

.

Evan let out a small snort and peeked out at Lily to give her a severe kind of look. “Don’t you even joke about using REM, you deserve a much better caliber of artist than that, thank you very much,” he said, wrinkling his nose.  “Even if that is a decent song.” He considered for a moment then smiled a little. “Yeah, dress me in your beau’s clothes, people will probably think I’m turning over a new leaf and finally dressing properly.  The ladies in accounting will swoon.”

Lily was good at comforting words, even if she managed to stick fairly close to the truth.  Though Lily Evans version of the truth was a little more rosy than anything Evan would admit to. But he still let himself be comforted a little.  When it came down to it, Evan knew that Lily knew his heart.  If it ever came down to saving him over someone like Nellie or Bas, Evan was certain Lily would get to them first.  Even if the little shits tried to take after him as much as the possibly could.  "You know if I ever get knocked out of commission, those two are yours.  I’m counting on you to knock sense into them too.  They can’t all be like me, the world only needs one of me, any more than that would be too much.“

He felt something like regret when Lily talked about none of them getting out with their hands clean and felt a small clench in his chest.  Evan was practically born with blood on his hands, but Lily never deserved that.  Lily was so much better than that.  There were very few people in this world that were actually good, and Lily was one of them.  Like Nellie in a way, someone that managed to see something in the world that other people didn’t.  And just like Nellie, Evan wished he could protect her from the awful parts, even if she was already well aware.  Evan sighed and kissed the top of her head before moving away.  "Still, I’d prefer if you leave most of the dirty work to me.  I’m better at it.  You’re basically an angel walking among us mortals.  Tell your boy toy I told you so, I still want him to be extremely jealous of me and how much you enjoy my company.” He winked at her.  “Also tell him you had me naked in your bath and then you gave me his clothes,” he added with a wicked grin, adding to it all by slapping Lily on the ass as he passed, towel slung around his waist.  

Evan could nearly feel the worry that Lily had for him and it almost reminded him of that sense that he’d get from his mother when he was young, before she’d completely written him off.  Like someone trying to save someone that was already gone, some kind of weird fucking Persephone with one foot in death already.  He almost wanted to tell her to stop, to just let him go, since he was half gone already.  But he also didn’t want to break her heart like that either, and ended up just giving her one of his devil-may-care smiles.  "Oh you know when it comes down to it, I’m not going to let myself die. I’m too pretty and I haven’t been swept off my feet by a burly firefighter yet. I have too much to live for.“  

He ran his fingers over his wet hair and sighed a little.  "Fucker in Chief knows someone is leaking stuff somewhere, but after the win it’s not the first thing on his plate.  He’s gloating.  So he’s looking the other way.  If there’s anything else you want me to get done, now is the time.”

__

If ever there was a day that Lily couldn’t make jokes in the middle of a crisis, she knew it would be when they truly lost. The easy banter was part of what kept her going. It allowed her just enough sense of normalcy to fight another day because it was worth it. At the severity of his look, Lily couldn’t help but give him the cheekiest grin she could muster as she suggested, “Are you trying to tell me that REM isn’t the greatest band known to mankind?” she asked, giving him a playful wink. Even she knew that was a hateful stretch, and one she wouldn’t back, even if they were far from the worst. “Besides, we both know it’s got to be Killer Queen or nothing,” she teased. Lily laughed, shaking her head, “You’ll be getting so many free coffee’s because they’ll be looking for an excuse to talk to you. Personally, I don’t see the problem. Use what you got baby,” she joked. 

Though the parallels were hard to see, and frankly, much more prominent between him and Marlene, they still resided between her and Evan. Lily didn’t doubt that it was partially why the three of them worked so well together and apart. Evan might talk about her as though she was an angel, but she didn’t doubt that he knew the lengths she would go if necessary. Lily would make the hard calls that no one else wanted to, and if she had to, she would get her own hands dirty if it ever came to it. Their innate understanding that despite the cause being necessary, important, and wholly vital, it wasn’t why they were fighting. Above all else, their people, the people they considered theirs, would always come first, and everything else could be damned. His words caused a lump in her throat, but she nodded without an ounce of hesitation, “You know they are. I’d never let anything happen to them, and I’d knock any amount of sense as necessary into them. Same goes for Ren. Anything happens to me, he’s yours. Everyone else would suffocate him I think, which would only make him more reckless.” 

War would be easier if it could be won on a superior moral compass alone. However, she knew that wasn’t the case, and as much as it loathed her to admit it, they would have to fight if they wanted to win. Fighting didn’t mean being on the defense all the time, and as much as they wanted to believe that it was okay because the people they were fighting against were awful, she wasn’t sure it really worked that way. Still, she was prepared to do it anyways, because they couldn’t allow this to continue, and someone had to stand up to them, even if it meant getting a little black on their soul. Squeezing his side as he kissed her head she nodded, “Okay. You are better at it, and for now what we’re doing works, I won’t argue that,” she agreed, before laughing softly, “I’ll be sure to tell him you said that. He’ll be terribly jealous that you showered me in brilliant compliments; he’ll have to start getting creative if he wants them to compare,” she winked. Laughing, she shook her head, “For fuck sake, I’m going to, though knowing James it’s going to have the bloody opposite effect. Just you wait, he’s going to start claiming you're his friend one of these days,” she teased, laughing harder as he got her with the towel. 

It was hard not to worry these days, but then, Lily figured that came with the job description. If she wasn’t worrying about Evan, she was worrying about Ren, or Nellie and Bas, or Remus, Sirius, and James, or Marlene, or Alastor and Suri, or Eleanor, or any number of the people she sent on a mission because even if this was what they had signed up for, she was the one that had sent them head first into danger. She was the one that gave the order, and all at once, she completely understood why Alastor and Kingsley were as serious and paranoid as they were. Despite his words being flippant and not altogether truthful, they did reassure her, and she gave him a smile, “Good. That’s exactly what I wanted to hear. You do, and besides, you deserve to be swept up by a burly firefighter, because I mean have you seen them?” she asked. 

Nodding, she listened intently and sighed, “It’s good he’s not currently looking, and it’s probably the best time to act because of that. Did Marlene fill you in about the potential mole? Someone tipped her off about James. I don’t know if that’s a DE issue or one that’s personal to Sebastian, but if there’s any other sympathizers we don’t know about, now would be a good time to know. Even if we can’t convert them to our side, it’d be nice to know who isn’t necessarily a main threat.” 

.

Remus didn’t often like to think overmuch about fate and what role it might play in his life.  It left open too many horrific possibilities; that he was always meant to be a werewolf, that his father was meant to leave, that his mother was meant to die an achingly slow and incredibly painful death. But he was at least sure that the friends he’d met, the people he’d fallen in with, that was a positive act of fate.  As if they had all been forged in the same fire somewhere, tempered to work together, to  create something entirely new.  “I guess not,” Remus said after a moment, a thoughtful smile on his face.  “Maybe we were meant to be revolutionaries from the start. Life bonded us together so strongly so we could stand up stronger in times like these.”  

Perhaps that was a little bit too romantic a way to look at their lives, but Remus indulged himself in it this time, like he rarely indulged himself in anything.  Maybe fate did pick them out to be some kind of fodder for an ill fated revolution, but at least they had each other until inevitability reared it’s ugly head.  All the stories he’d read as a child had shown the brilliant, bright, violent and extremely short lives of those who tried to change the status quo.  It wasn’t exactly what he’d dreamed for himself, but perhaps there was some comfort in the image, seeing a path to some sort of immortality in the legends to come.  He felt his smile tighten at Lily’s words and he nodded.  “That is true.  I would hate to be cliché,” he said finally, forcing his smile a little brighter, even if it was a bit put upon, and he couldn’t help but think about who might be martyred first.

And with Peter’s betrayal it seemed more and more likely that it would be him first.  It was an uncomfortable reality to wake to, but one that Remus had accepted for the most part.  For all that Peter’s betrayal had ended up as inevitable as Remus feared it would, he was still strangely devastated by it.  They all were, he could see it written on all of their faces.  They were a pack, they had been from the day they had all decided to become animagi to help him with his transitions.  And one of the pack had turned on them, and been cut away. It was like losing a limb, and Remus may have already learned to function without it, but he couldn’t begrudge anyone their surprise or their mourning.

Though in a way he had been surprised Lily hadn’t caught it.  She was as sharp as he was when it came to assessing people, but he supposed she hadn’t seen it for the same reason he never said anything about it.  Out of a sincere desire for it not to be true.  He gave Lily a small, sad smile when she said he was the brightest, not truly believing it and letting out a weary sigh. “In this instance, I really wish I wasn’t.  I should have said something. I almost told you my concerns a thousand times, but I just…I couldn’t.  I wanted to be wrong.  I wanted to be wrong so badly.”

Remus was trembling slightly, and he didn’t notice until he felt Lily’s hands on his cheeks.  He wasn’t sure if it was because they were talking about Peter, or if it was mentioning what was happening with his mother out loud or both, but he felt very much like he was starting to shake apart.  Like all the screws and bolts that held him together were falling out of place. He leaned in against her hands and sighed deeply, starting to feel something inside of him relax.  "I know,“ he said softly. "But I can’t help but blame myself.  For not saying anything.”  He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers for a moment then smiled when he pulled back, a little more sure of himself.  "Me either,“ he said after a moment, wrinkling his nose as if he’d smelled something bitter.  His own resentment, perhaps.  "I wanted to kill him.  I still want to kill him.  And that honestly scares me.  I never wanted to be capable of that.  It makes the line between…well. The line between me and that other part of me a little blurry.”

____

Truthfully, Lily wished the war had never gotten to this point. She would have been perfectly content if the only mischief in her life was that which was created by her own hand, or by her boys. However, that wasn’t the case, and she found herself not only fighting a war but leading one. It wasn’t the future she’d imagined for herself, but it was hers, and she would make the best of it. “I would believe that. The universe knew we would need each other to get through all of this. Merlin knows, it’s easier to be a revolutionary when there are more of them by your side,” she murmured. Grinning, she gave a soft hum, “Exactly, we’re so much more than a damned cliché.”

Lily had to wonder if Peter would throw them under the bus, or if he knew that there would be mutual destruction. They were unregistered animagus, the lot of them, aside from Remus who was a werewolf. If Peter outed them, Lily would ensure that he was dragged down with them. She would do whatever was necessary to ensure that if Peter ever sold them out in full, that he would go down in flames along side them. He would never reap the benefits of what he sowed, because Lily would not allow him to be a hypocrite too. If he was ever so bold as to out Remus, Lily would ruin him herself.

It was a bitter pill, knowing that she should have seen it, and probably had in some ways, and yet, actively avoided it. Lily hadn’t wanted to see it, so she hadn’t. They were a pack, a unit that functioned all on their own, and Lily wanted nothing to change or challenge that. Giving his hand a squeeze, she hummed, “I wish you hadn’t been either, but then it isn’t your fault that you were right. Even if you had told me, I don’t know if I could have wrapped my head around it fast enough for it to have mattered. I didn’t want to see it, anymore than you wanted it to be real,” she murmured. They had never wanted this to be their reality. 

Holding onto his face with gentle strength, she stayed just like that for a moment. She could see the anguish that Remus was trying to keep from spilling out, and she held him gently, as though she could help keep him together just by being there. What he had suffered so far wasn’t right; it wasn’t fair. It was far more than anyone deserved, especially someone like Remus. “Well I don’t blame you. Besides, James and Sirius wouldn’t have heard a word of it. I’d have heard you, but I can’t promise I’d have even listened, as much as I wish that weren’t true,” she admitted. It was hard to admit, but it was the truth. After resting her head against his for a moment, she pulled back and sat back in her chair a bit. Lily’s teeth clenched as she commented, “I never wanted to be capable of such a thing either, but then I think I always knew I could be. The right circumstances could drive me to that point, and if he threatens you? If he was a part of this particular plot? That’ll be the end of him.” Looking at him, Lily gave a soft hum, “I imagine that’s scary, having those lines blurred. You’re a good person though Remus, never doubt that.” 

.

Evan found himself chuckling even if there truly wasn’t anything worth chuckling over at the moment.  Lily was like that, at least.  He could pull Marlene down into the dumps with him, but Lily would resolutely refuse to go. “I only speak the truth. I’ll be your first high priest, as soon as we get this whole end of the world as we know it shit over with.”  He lifted an eyebrow and gave Lily a severe look. “Are you kidding me with that? Like you have seen anyone on the planet more Freddie Mercury than me.  I mean other than the actual Freddie Mercury,” he said, but the smirk faded quickly.  He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed.  "You know why I can’t.  It’s all games with those people. Got to keep on the right costume to stay in it.“  

It was just the sad fact of his life, playing half truths, hiding everything he was under superior sneers and three piece suits. At one point, when he first joined up, he saw an end to it, eventually, when they won and set the world to rights.  He couldn’t really see that future now.  It seemed lost to him, and he’d spend the rest of his life and his eventual death as someone else. Someone he hated.  He sighed and forced himself to remember who it was all for- Nellie and Bas - and tried to find comfort in that.  "Yeah no kidding.  They weren’t supposed to inherit my stubborn streak.  The assholes,” he said with a wry grin.  "But yeah, thanks, Lil, I’ll have another cup after I get the stink of my sins washed off.“

Evan guessed he would have to take Lily’s point.  They were all capable of fucking things up supremely, and as much as he idolized Lily he could recognize she was just as fallible as any other human.  Just not quite as fallible as him, of course.  There were levels to things and Evan knew he was pretty close to a top rank asshole.  Lily hardly had a grade on the scale.  "Please, you could kill someone in cold blood in broad daylight the worst you’d get is purgatory.  You’re too good for hell, you’re going to have to save that just for me.”

He smiled just a little at Lily’s praise, feeling slightly more  at peace with the idea.  Evan knew that it would be a little easier for Lily to see it like that, since she didn’t really know these people like Evan did.  Even if they had grown up into being the worst kinds of people, they had been Evan’s friends growing up.  They’d been companions in school and as much as he hated most of their politics, and the shitty ways they used their powers, it was hard not to care for them still.  And he was out to get as many of them killed as possible and that felt pretty fucked up.  “I’m always ready,” he said, smiling a little sadly to himself before grabbing a towel and starting to towel off.  At least he was really fucking good at compartmentalizing.  He’d just keep shoving down that bitter taste in his mouth until it choked him.

Evan slung the towel around his waist and nodded.  "I know Lily, I promise,“ he said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder before rubbing a hand over his wet hair, and trying to spray her with the droplets as much as possible.  "I will say something if extraction becomes necessary.”  For Nell or Bas, but probably not for himself.  He knew that.  He wouldn’t dream of it.  He had a plan and he was going to follow through with it no matter what.  As soon as he knew he was going to go down, he’d go take Rodolphus down with him.  Go out in a fantastic blaze of blood soaked glory.  “It’ll go smoothly on my end at least.  Everyone is still celebrating, no one is looking too hard at anything right now.  They will after the story breaks, of course, but for now we’re golden.”

___

Whether it was because humor had always been her coping mechanism of choice, or because she just never knew when to take things seriously, Lily always tried to lighten the mood when she could. “It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine,” she sang immediately in response, giving him a grin, before adding, “As long as you use that particular R.E.M. song to start every ceremony,” she teased. Despite her jokes, Lily knew that she was very much human, and very much not a celestial being, as much as she might wish to be among them instead. “That’s what I figured, which is why I think it’s utterly perfect for you, and why it will also be waiting for you once you’re clean,” she winked. Giving a soft hum, she nodded, “I know, but it’s stupid nonetheless. If you want, I can either clean the clothes you have or set some James good ones out for you,” she offered, knowing it might actually be more helpful. 

Giving a soft smile, she gave a hum, “It would be nice, wouldn’t it. Unfortunately, they always seem to take on the traits we least want them to have,” she mused. Lily really did understand what it was like having a sibling in the field, and in some ways, she adopted all the younglings as her own, even if they weren’t hers by blood. She knew without a doubt that if they ever lost one of the younglings that it would be something they never fully recovered from. However, if Evan lost Bas or Nellie, she knew he would be lost as well. “Of course, you know I’ve got an endless supply around here. Merlin knows we wouldn’t function without it,” she teased, smiling softly. 

Laughing, she shook her head, “I don’t think the universe works that way love. I mean, I’d like to think my karmic good has built up enough that I could get one free pass with Peter, but I doubt that’d be the case. None of us are going to come out of this with clean hands,” she shrugged, “but if it creates a better world and stops others from having to get their hands dirty? We’ll do what we have to. Besides, I don’t want an afterlife that you’re not in. It’d be dreadfully boring,” she complained. 

There were days that Lily wished that Evan had never been put in this position. She could tell herself over and over that it was his choice, but that didn’t make her fully believe it. Evan had always been caught between a rock and a hard place, between two worlds that begged him to be show two different sides of him. Sometimes she wondered if he really had a choice or if it had been survival. It wasn’t lost on her that they asked the most out of him, and while she knew Evan would never see it this way, she knew the universe wouldn’t look to them any kinder for asking him to make such sacrifices. Lily gave him nod, knowing that there were no words to really make any of this better. 

“Good, because I will kick your arse if I find out you didn’t call for back up when you needed it,” she warned, and then made a face as he got water on her. Trying to contain her laughter she shouted, “Oi, I don’t need a bath I already had mine.” Shaking her head, Lily gave a more sincere smile as she nodded, “None of you are expendable. I mean it Evan. You, Nellie, and Bas are not worth losing over this cause do you hear me?” she reminded. Lily wasn’t blind, she knew that Evan would be more likely to see this through than call for back up, but Lily was selfish. She couldn’t do this without him. For her to lead, for her to do her job, she needed to know that she had her people by her side. At his words, she nodded, “Well that’s good at least. I’m glad to hear it. We’ll be ready once they start looking.” 

Even though El knew that there was no way in hell for a reconciliation between herself and Lucius and she highly doubted there was one in the cards with Peter, especially after what he had done to them, she didn’t resent Lily’s relationship with Ren. In fact it made her happy to know that there were families out there that dealt with their shit and loved each other. She sometimes wondered if her parents were even capable of love, or if they had only ever had Lucius to uphold the family name, and then had her in an attempt at a second chance for a son just in case Lucius turned out to be a disappointment. Call her petty or spiteful but she still secretly hoped that she would read about a massive failure on Lucius’s part one day. She felt angrier at her family than she usually did now that Rodolphus had won the election and Peter had turned out to be a massive traitor. She felt like she had a lot of things to be angry about in regards to them.  “You know, he’s pretty lucky to have you as a sister,” Eleanor said with a smile. She looked up to Lily, had for years. She was strong and brilliant and she didn’t answer to anyone. She would forever be grateful to Lily for taking her in and giving her an outlet to get her anger out, something positive to contribute to the world. She feared what her life would be like without the Order and without Lily and the people in it. 

Eleanor had to smile at Lily’s laugh. It was incredibly fucked up, all of it, but they were still here, Marlene was okay and they would figure out the rest. That was all that mattered today. She nodded her head. “Families are complicated,” She said softly. They lied and kept secrets from each other and from the outside world. “What Sebastian did…it’s unforgiveable. I don’t think there’s coming back from that,” she said. At least her family ignored her. That stung but they had never tried to put her in the hospital. Or worse. Not like Sebastian. It made her grateful for a second, put things in perspective. It was hard to imagine being in Marlene’s position, with a brother that went out of his way to hurt her. “He won’t,” she agreed with a nod. They would make sure that he answered for what he did. “He better watch out for Marlene when she gets out of here,” she said with a shake of her head. Eleanor returned her smile when Lily reached out and took her hands and squeezed them. “We will,” she repeated after her with a nod. “Good. Let me know if there’s anything that anyone needs, okay?”

It was nice to hear but sometimes she wondered if she was unfixable because of all the anger that she held towards her family. Did it hold her back? She knew that it did. But she was trying to overcome it, trying to be a good person, trying to not be anything like them. “Thanks, Lily,” she said with a small smile. “I am too and we’re not even close. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling. Any of you who were friends with him. It’s just…so stupid that he would do something like this. Fall for all of their lies. I’m sure that my dad made him promises that he’s not going to keep in the end and Peter’s going to end up alone without anyone by his side. It’s always been my dad and Lucius against the world, the rest of us didn’t ever matter. Peter never mattered. Dad never talked about him. He’s an idiot leaving the people that love him and care about him for them. I hope he regrets it one day, sees what an idiot he is.” Eleanor shook her head. “I’m used to it. I’m sorry that he hurt you and everyone else he was friends with. None of you deserved this. I guess Peter’s more of a Malfoy than we ever gave him credit for.”

____

There were days that Lily wished that she could adopt half the Rising kids and wrap them up in bubble wrap as tightly as possible, keeping them safe from all of the heartache life threw at them. However, she knew that was a fantasy, and more importantly, that it wouldn’t do them any good. The best thing that Lily could do was be there. She could be a solid and dependable person that they could fall to when the world threatened to sweep the ground out from under them. While Lily couldn’t prevent them from being hurt, she could be there to help them through the fall out. Lily would continue taking the younger members that needed family under her wing because that’s who she was as a person. Smiling, she shook her head, “Yeah well, we’re just lucky to have each other. I wouldn’t trade him for anything,” she admitted. Ren might be her baby brother, but he was also one of her best friends. There was nothing in the world she wouldn’t do for him. It made her infinitely happy to know that he had El in his life. “You know, he’s damn lucky to have you too. You guys have always been good for each other,” she mused. Their friendship was one that Lily had always been grateful for. 

Laughing in a healing ward felt utterly wrong, but Lily had never been good about taking things as seriously as she should. Humor had always been her coping mechanism of choice, and with the stress she felt building up, it was the easiest way for her to release bits of it. “They are,” she agreed, giving a soft hum. The complexity that came with family had always intrigued her on some level, but Lily knew she was incredibly fortunate to have one as solid as her own. “No, there isn’t. Marlene has a family. She has a family that she chose, that chose her, and that loves her entirely. Sebastian isn’t ever going to be a part of that, and he’s going to pay for what he did to my sister,” she added decidedly. Marlene was her family. Nodding, she gave a sigh, “Yeah no shit. I have a feeling we’re going to be hard pressed to keep her from going after him.” Truthfully, Lily wasn’t sure she would even try. Nodding, she gave El a soft smile, “Of course. Right now, just lay low and keep yourself and Ren out of the focal point for the time being.”

“Of course, and I mean it,” she reminded, giving her a knowing smile. Lily didn’t doubt that it was hard for Eleanor to separate herself from the Malfoy name at times, but she knew the other girl for who she really was. If there was one thing she could do, it was remind her that she was worth more than she gave herself credit for. She was a good person, and she deserved good things because of it. “It’s a bit like losing a limb. We’ve all been so close for so long,” she murmured. It wasn’t the whole truth, but then again it was. They had been a pack, though most people didn’t know that. Losing Peter was like losing a necessary part of them, though Lily didn’t want to see it that way. In some ways, the life that Eleanor describe made her incredibly sad for her longtime friend, but then, he had made his bed and she was going to make him lie in it. “I’m sure he will. The worst is, when finally comes crawling back to us, we’re not going to take him. Whatever trust we had is gone, and there is no friendship without trust,” she murmured. Shaking her head, Lily put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a soft squeeze, “Sh, you don’t apologize for him. Those were his choices, and he’s going to live with the consequences of his own actions. You didn’t deserve this either. Yeah, suppose he was, but you’re a Malfoy too and you prove every day that it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.” 

.

“Bless you, Lily, Goddess of the Burnouts,” Evan called back with a brightness that was only half false, the smile blooming wide on his face.  "Someday someone will build a temple to you, and all of the rest of the poor unwashed souls as myself will be the huddled masses worshiping you as you well deserve,“ he said, falling back into the comfortable prattle that let him forget about how fucking awful everything was.  If he kept his mouth moving he could keep his mind from thinking, and he wanted to do that as much as possible. "If you’re being serious, I better have a crop top waiting for me when I get out.  No magicking my old duds clean I want a fresh crop top or nothing,” he said and winked.  "Rodolphus is so blind to what he doesn’t want to notice, I doubt he’d blink.  I think he just sees me as a stand in for himself these days, I do play such a good yes man.“

Evan closed his eyes for a moment and pinched the bridge of his nose.  Sometimes he felt like he was the piece of shit trying to wile away his hours on booze and sex so he could forget about how he was inadvertently leading his people towards what felt like a certain death.  As if filtering it all out with vices was going to make it all easier or make him worry less.  He hated even more that Lily was completely and utterly right and the more he coddled and tried to protect the more aggressive and tragically heroic both Nellie and Rabastan would become.  He’d created monsters, somehow.  "I hate you so deeply for being right,” he said after a moment, wordlessly hold a hand out for the coffee mug that Lily was offering him.  He didn’t open his eyes until he felt the ceramic in his palm and he sighed, drinking in the warm smell of it.  “The first ode to the Goddess Evans, bless her for the hot bean water, may the pot never run dry, amen.”

Evan drained the coffee mug faster than he thought he would, but it was hot and he was freezing, and the burnt tongue was worth it for the fact that he finally felt a small bit like a person again with coffee in his stomach.  "You say that like it’s insane that you’re leading things, which it isn’t.  You’ve been a leader since the day you were born, kid, don’t fight it.“  He huffed and rolled his eyes dramatically at being called reliable, when he felt like playing both sides as he did made him kind of a rat.  "Don’t forget the times I put your asses on the line either, because I had to give him something so it doesn’t look like I’m the incompetent one.  It’s both sides.  I’ll end up getting people killed on both sides of the playing field and it sucks to an incredible degree.”  He set his coffee mug down and sighed.  “I’m smart enough to stay alive, Lil, it all comes down to self-preservation and opportunism and when the time comes, I’ll sell who I have to down the river for Nell and knowing that about myself makes me feel sick sometimes, so ta for me not fucking anything up.”

He let that random bombshell lay down where he’d set it and focused on the shower, sliding inside and letting the hot water pound down on his head for a good few minutes before he actually went about washing himself up.  He listened to the familiar cadence of Lily’s voice and how she didn’t ever listen to any of his protests about how horrible he was, really, and that was strangely comforting.  “Thank you,” he said after awhile. “For trying to keep them out of it.  Save the dirtiest shit for me, I have plenty of red in my ledger already.  Might as well fill the fucker up, right?” he said peeking around the curtain and giving Lily a wink.

He started washing his hair and hummed softly, thinking.  “I know where they’d keep the arrest records and I think Rodolphus is riding a little to high to have destroyed them yet.  And even if he did, I bet he kept a copy for himself, for his little hall of trophies to remind himself how fucking amazing he is.”  He pursed his lips. “I can probably get that to you by this evening.  And I might as well plant a little evidence that it was someone else while I’m there.” He smiled sadly to himself.  "Don’t worry, Lily, I was fully expecting to have to do someone in eventually, even if it’s not me doing the deed personally. I’m ready.  I have a few loose screws that can be plucked out.  Just have to pick the one that’s going to topple the most.  Rod’s going to make a fucking example of them, just you wait.  It’s going to be fucking brutal.“  More blood on his hands.  It almost didn’t matter that it would be one of the ‘bad guys’, it still felt dirty. He started washing under his fingernails reflexively, like he was turning into the Lady Macbeth herself. "I don’t need anything else from you, Lily, you have enough on your plate.  Don’t worry, I’ll give everyone what they need and we’ll all be sitting pretty by the end of the week.”

___

Laughter escaped her as she shook her head, “Very funny,” she teased. Some days Lily felt as though they were making strides in the war, and others, like tonight, she felt as though it was all for nothing. Now she was leading, they were looking to her, and she just had to hope beyond measure that she didn’t let them down. Rolling her eyes, she gave him a grin, “I can only hope. You had best made sure they get the best images of me in that temple, because I’m going to be worshiped, I had better look damn good,” she mocked, “Honestly, those are the only types of people I’d want worshiping me. Everyone else be damned.” Putting her hands up in mock surrender she answered, “I’m being completely serious. My only question is if you’re going to rock the Freddie Mercury or David Bowie one?” she asked, before scoffing, “He’s a dumbass anyways. I think you should wear whatever the fuck you want, seeing as you do so much anyways. What’s the bloody point of being at the top if you can’t wear whatever anyways.”

“No you don’t. You love me, even if I am insufferably right all the time,” she countered fondly. The problem was, Lily understood Evan’s plight quite well. It was the balance of protecting their younger siblings without taking away their agency. They were adults, older than they were when they joined the war themselves, and had been involved for a couple of years now. Ren, Nellie, Bas, Cissa, they were all fully capable, but as older siblings there was still an instinct to protect them from all of this. However, the more they tried to keep them sheltered from it, the harder they’d push back, that much Lily was sure of. It was a fine line. “It’s a bitch when your siblings turn out to be as stubborn as you are,” she complained. Having a hot cup of coffee in her hands was one of her favorite feelings, and Lily held onto her mug carefully once she had passed Evan his. Laughing, she shook her head, “You’ve now been blessed with an endless supply of bean water. You need only show up and it may appear,” she returned. 

Sipping her coffee, she watched him drain his, and she didn’t doubt that it burnt his tongue. Lily would have given him the warning, but she knew it was pointless, and at the moment, it was probably exactly what he needed. “Refill?” she asked. Mulling his words over, she nodded slowly as she mused, “Yeah, maybe. I just never expected to be leading something this big.” Though, the only person that seemed to be surprised by it all was her, and she supposed that said it all. Breathing out a heavy sigh, Lily gave a hum, “Yeah, but it’s a price we have to pay. That - it sounds hateful, it is hateful, but it’s the truth. Believe me Evan, I know that your hands aren’t clean, but it’s not just yours. We’ve asked you to do this. Me, Alastor, Kings, we knew what we were asking, so that blame gets to come back on us too,” she reminded him. Taking a sip of her coffee, Lily gave a quiet hum, and nodded, “I would be surprised if you wouldn’t. We all have our achilles heel. Do you think I wouldn’t do the same for Ren? So yeah, ta for you for not fucking anything up. Every day we don’t fuck it up is a day to celebrate at this point,” she murmured. 

The thing about Lily, was that she saw the good, the bad, and the down right ugly in most people, and took them as they were. Lily had learned early on not to put people on a pedestal. People were distinctly human - a compilation of experiences, traits, morals, values - wholly complex. In her experience, people were a mixture of good and bad, some swaying more one way than the other, some having more shades of grey. However, the intent in someone’s heart had always been what mattered most to Lily. Evan would always be one of the better humans she knew. “Of course,” she vowed, needing him to know that she would try to keep them safe as well. Shaking her head, she laughed, “I mean, what’s a little more right? If we’re going to hell, we might as well get the throne room,” she winked back. 

Listening, she gave a soft hum, nodding despite the fact that he couldn’t see her. The idea of Rodolphus keeping a copy made sense, and there was a little bit of justice in his own arrogance being his downfall in this case. “That would be brilliant, Evan, and exactly what we need” she agreed. Throwing someone else should make her feel more guilty, but then, this was war, and most of the people wouldn’t hesitate to kill her if given the chance. Lily wasn’t going to patronize him by reminding him that it was a lot to ask, or thank him for it, because he already knew. “I feel better knowing that you’ve got someone ready, and that this isn’t going to come back on you, Bas, or Nel. My number one priority in all of this, aside from getting Alastor and Suri out, is keeping the three of you safe,” she answered, putting an emphasis on three. 

Lily might not feel guilty about one of the Death Eaters being killed, because she wouldn’t doubt that to be their fate, but she felt guilty for putting Evan in this position. “I don’t doubt that. I’m sure it’s going to be awful, which is why none of you can be implicated,” she murmured. Biting her lip, she let the words tumble, “Remember, if the three of you ever, and I mean ever, need extraction you just send the word and we’ll get you out. I mean it. Anything even starts to go south and you call for extraction, am I clear?” she asked, needing him to know that he had her to fall back on always. Letting out a sigh, Lily gave a sighed laugh, “I always worry. I can only hope that’s the case and this all goes smoothly,” she agreed.  

.

“Yes, that would be brilliant, thanks, Lil,” Remus said a little dryly, the touches of some real amusement starting to set in about his lips.  Bless Lily Evans, above all, he couldn’t help think, sending one of his silent prayers to whoever might be up there.  The god of his mother, perhaps, despite how frightful he looked on those crosses of hers. “Though I know now that I’m probably just as addicted to the chaos as everyone else now.  I suppose life would become frightfully boring and then where would I be?  Enjoying a good book and a cup of tea in peace?  Blasphemy.”  He wrinkled his nose. “I quite enjoy being the voice of reason when it comes down to it.  It allows me to feel superior and frown over afternoon tea like a dowager on Downton Abbey.”

Remus had often wondered if his foresight was a kind of curse.  Like the thoughtfulness that had been a part of him since the beginning was the reason life seemed so dreadfully hard.  Because he could look at a situation and see all of the possibilities laid out before him and just know which ones were most likely and those tended to be the ones that cut the deepest.  It was why he knew that it would come down to them risking their lives for each other and how devastating it would be for all involved.  And how very sure Remus felt he would be the one they would be making a sacrifice play for and how he refused to let it happen.  He was worried for a moment that Lily would argue the point, but felt a swell of relief dampen the tightness in his chest when she just agreed.  “Thank you,” he said softly and gave in to the urge to kiss her knuckles.  "And I fully believe you will. I’ll do exactly the same for you.“

He let out a laugh that almost startled him, and seemed a bit too boisterous for the hallway of a hospital.  "Yes and I don’t let James forget it for a moment.  I think it irks him, you know, that you clearly love me more, and I also have zero game.  It offends his burgeoning Casanova sensibilities.”  He could make a good game of it, but there really was something truly enviable in what James and Lily had built together, and the incredible amount of love between them.  There was a sense of destiny and rightness about it, and Remus thought it was the stuff of storybooks, something he couldn’t dream of having for himself.  

In all honesty, Remus had never thought he would care for another living soul other than his mother, who seemed the only beacon of goodness in a world that was often strange and cruel.  It still seemed incredible to him that so many people had wormed their way into his heart, into the very core of him and while it had once made him incredibly warm, he could feel that core turning colder and colder by the day, a candle who’s flame seemed to keep guttering until proximity could relight it.  Ever since Peter’s betrayal, as inevitable as it seemed, made the light feel lower than ever, even with this proximity to Lily, stealing her light to supplement his own.  He felt his throat tighten when Lily asked about Peter and he let out a soft, sad kind of laugh and didn’t realize how emotional he was until he felt the dampness around his eyes.  

“No.  And yes,” he said, the last part coming out almost breathlessly.  “I…I’d always seen something in him.  This desire to…to be something that he couldn’t grasp, and how easily he might twist himself up to try and get it,” Remus said, trying to explain it.  “So no, it wasn’t all that much of a surprise.  I just…”  He trailed off again and lifted a hand to wipe almost uselessly at his eyes.  “And yes because it was still a shock.  Like when…”  He laughed, unamused.  “It was very much like the first time the doctor’s told me Mum was dying.  I knew it was going to happen, but it still took me over, a complete and utter shock to the system.”  Remus closed his eyes for a moment.  “I suppose I hoped loving him would be enough. That if I could just love him hard enough, it wouldn’t matter.  It would change things.”  The tears dried almost as quickly as they had become and he swallowed back the lump of emotion in his throat, the fury starting to return.  "I don’t really have to spend the time mourning like the rest of you, I suppose. I think I’ve been mourning for years now.  And now…I’m just tired.  And angry.“

__

At his response, she let out just a little chuckle, shaking her head just so, “Always got your back with those above,” she winked. It wasn’t a secret to those closest to her that Lily practiced more than one type of magic, and that everything she’d learned was passed down from her mother’s blood line. It made the fact that Amaranth had ever married her biological father that much more surprising, though she supposed the universe righted itself in the end. “I mean, what would life be without it really? We were all drawn to each other for a reason I think. None of us would have been suited or satisfied with a quiet life,” she admitted. It was a hard pill to swallow at times, but Lily knew it was the truth. Grinning, she let out a laugh as she teased, “Well there’s always that. You do make the perfect Downtown Abbey dowager.”

There was a paradox that came with the idea of dying for someone. In many respects, dying was easy, but living, that was the hard part. Being the one to have survived, to outlive everyone, to lose the people they loved most - that was the worst fate imaginable to her. It was easy to spew the sentiment of dying for someone without really looking at where that left them, and what that meant for them in turn. Lily knew that it would be the selfish choice for her to make. She would rather be the one to die than be the one to live without everyone, but then, where did that leave the people she loved? The sentiment was easy, but the reality was complex, and something she desperately wanted to avoid altogether. “Thank you, and I know you will to. We’re not about to become martyrs, Remus. We’re far too brilliant to succumb to such a boring death,” she murmured. 

Shaking her head, she gave him a bright grin in return, one that didn’t quite fit their surroundings or circumstance but made her feel an ounce of genuine joy. “It keeps him humble; it’s good for him. I’m sure it does threaten his casanova persona, but then, that’s one of my favorite things about you,” she grinned. One of her favorite things about James was that he understood how different, but how vital her relationship with the other boys were. When they had gotten together it had been an unspoken rule that it wouldn’t be at the expense of their friend group dynamic. 

At his sad laugh, Lily heard the first hint of raw pain in his voice, and it cut straight to her heart. Out of all of them, Remus was once again in the most vulnerable position because of Peter’s betrayal, and it made Lily want to find him and put him six feet under before he could harm him. Before tonight, Lily never would have believed that she was capable of wishing harm, let alone unleashing it onto one of her boys. However, with Remus’ secret hanging in the balance, Lily realized just how far she would go to protect him. Given the chance between sparing Peter and saving Remus, it wasn’t even a choice. The thought itself drove the fear that maybe they had caused his betrayal, that she had caused it, but then, had one of their own been threatening Peter’s existence, she’d have done the same for him just this morning. The thought caused a thickness in her throat and a burn behind her eyes. 

Letting his words sink in, Lily realized that Remus had seen what she had turned a blind eye to. It was rare that Lily didn’t see what was right in front of her, that she didn’t observe the world as it was. Taking people as they were had protected her heart, but she had let Peter worm his way into the core of her being the same way she had the others. She had believed that he had found a family in them the same way she had, and that it had been enough. Squeezing his hand gently, it was her turn to kiss his knuckles, “You’ve always been the brightest of us,” she murmured, and it was a fact that Lily wouldn’t take arguments on. Remus saw the world as it was. Lily looked for how she could change it. 

As he compared the shock to his mother, Lily turned in her seat, tucking her knees up uncomfortably against the wooden armrest so that she could take his face in her hands gently. Wiping tears that were no longer there, she kissed his forehead, the same way she had done for her brother a thousand times over, and whispered, “There are some things beyond our control, no matter how good we are, how hard we try, how much we love, or how badly we want to change them.” It was a bitter truth, one Lily often couldn’t swallow herself, but one worth reminding. Sitting back in her seat, she took his hand up again, and nodded. Giving a bitter laugh, Lily shrugged, “I think I’ll mourn later. I’m sure it’ll hit eventually, or maybe it’ll come in waves, but I’m not sad. I’m just angry. I don’t think I’ve ever felt anger like this before,” she admitted. 

-

Marlene shrugged, ignoring the protests of her shoulders. “Worth a shot.” she mused. If anyone could have sweet talked the nurses into letting her out, it would be Lily. “Though I’m warning you, if they try to keep me any longer than a couple days I will fully break out of here. You know I would.” She’d already been eyeing her room window.

“Someone had to save his ass” she responded playfully, though her expression darkened as she shook her head. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. It seemed more like a personal vendetta. Sebastian resented James because I chose James over him. I think he was just capitalising on all the chaos.” she paused for a moment, reaching for her phone “However, someone knew about it. And someone wanted to stop him. Enough to send me this.” She pulled up a text as she spoke, from an anonymous number, and handed her phone to Lily.

‘James is in grave danger. Go to 51°31'12.0"N 0°20'03.1"W. Hurry. ‘

___

“Listen, I’m gonna do what I can,” she promised, and she would. Lily hated the idea of Marlene being stuck here as much as the other girl did in some regards, and she hated the idea of her having to be here any longer than was strictly necessary. They were too exposed, and Lily wanted her people safe. “Understandable, and if that ends up being the case, I will help break you out myself,” she promised. 

“Well thank Merlin you were there,” she murmured, because Lily wasn’t sure what she’d do if she lost him, either of them. Nodding, she gave a hum, “I don’t know what reason the Death Eaters would have to target James at this point anyways, but it does fit Sebastian’s personal vendetta I suppose. I mean I knew things weren’t great between you guys, but I didn’t know it was this bad,” she admitted. Her eyebrows furrowed, and she gave a contemplating hum, “Odd, but I suppose that’s good. It saved his life,” she answered. Looking at the phone, she gave a solemn nod, “Can we trace it?” Lily asked.

.

Evan felt like he’d been put through a meat grinder most days, but today it was more like being put through a meat grinder and then being tossed in the sewer and then being put through a meat grinder again.  It was making him feel like he was chewed up and dripping in filth, so just the prospect of a shower almost made him want to cry.  "You are a gift from the gods, Lil.  Or maybe you’re god herself.  I’m going to use up enough hot water to make even our magic run thin.“  He sighed and started to pull his boots off, not really caring about where he tossed them. He lifted an eyebrow at Lily and smirked.  "I’ll have you know, I would look amazing in a crop top.  I have looked amazing in a crop top.  It was mesh and it was incredible,” he said and blew Lily a kiss.

Evan made a face when Lily mentioned people following in his footsteps and tried not to get too upset about it all.  But it was hard, because he would have traded their safety for their being in the Order in a second.  Less than.  "I wish they hadn’t,“ he said and sighed heavily.  "I would wrap them up in a soft terry cloth and bubble wrap and have them sent to Antarctica to wait the whole damn thing out.”  He ran his hands over his face and sighed again.  “Fuck me.  I need a gallon of coffee and some uppers.”

Evan was trying so hard to keep everything in place, to keep himself from collapsing into himself and ceasing to exist. He was pushing through with just sheer willpower and rage.  But Lily promising that she could see through his masks made him feel exposed, like Lily could see down to his skeleton and see how fractured he was.  "Don’t look, I’m a fucking disaster deep down, and I don’t want you looking at that bullshit,“ he said and sighed, running his fingers through his hair.  "Uh, I became a fucking secret agent like I’m 007, yeah I get that,” he said and snorted. “But you’re smart and shit, you’ll do great.  If anyone’s going to fuck up anything, it’s going to be me. I’m an old pro at that.”

Evan pursed his lips and nodded, knowing the ask was coming before it came.  "Don’t.  You have to.  It’s my job, right?  I’ll see what I can do.  Leave Nellie and Rab out of it as much as possible, if you can, okay?  I can take care of most of the leg work.  Rab needs time, and Nellie… fuck.  You know I don’t want her involved in the first place.“  He sighed and pulled his shirt off and tossed it somewhere, trying to orient himself to the bathroom.  When he did he started for it trailing clothes as he went.  "Keep talking, I’m going to drown myself while you tell me the plan.”

___

Laughing, she shook her head, “Oh I do try. I know providing a hot shower and clean clothes really does make a saint among men,” she teased, giving him a slight grin. “You can use all the hot water you need, luv. Everyone here has already had theirs, so you’re good as gold to take as long as humanly possible,” Lily offered. Knowing that Evan felt comfortable in her home was everything to her. When she and James got their place, it had become important to both of them that they made a place that everyone felt welcome and safe in. At his words, she laughed, “I’ll have you know, it was a serious invitation, because I happen to know you look stunning in them. Maybe it wouldn’t be as good as the mesh one, but certainly a close second,” she grinned, sticking her tongue out fondly. “I don’t know that Rodolphus would approve of the uniform, but then, maybe that makes it all the better,” she laughed.

If anyone knew what it was like to not want siblings to be following in their footsteps, it was Lily. It was worse for Evan, as he and his were in a more precarious circumstance. The consequences for them being found out were more dire. However, she felt the same fear every time Ren asked to be a part of a mission. “I know, believe me I do,” she murmured. “Well let me know if you ever actually get around to it and I’ll send mine with you. Though something tells me, the lot of them would come back more impassioned than ever and be twice as reckless as they are now,” Lily bitched. Smiling softly, she gave a hum, “The coffee I can provide. Speaking of, it should be done,” she offered, moving into the kitchen quickly to pour them each a large mug full. 

Coming back with two mugs, each doctored accordingly, she handed one to Evan and sat back down. Shaking her head, Lily listened to him carefully, giving a soft hum, before commenting, “I won’t, because you’ve asked me not to, but just know Evan, the bullshit you have deep down, it’s never phased me,” she reminded, giving him a light smile. Laughing, she nodded, “Yeah alright, you absolutely do understand. Christ, you’re 007 and somehow I’ve become our leader, what the hell has this all come to?” she asked, shaking her head. Waving her hand she gave a snort, “Please, you’ve been at this for how long? Believe it or not Ev, but you’re actually one of the most reliable people in this organization. I mean, how many times have you saved our arses?  You’re not going to fuck anything up. You’re too smart, and it’s too important,” Lily shrugged. 

Pushing a hand through her hair, she took a sip of coffee and nodded, “It is, and it’s mine now too. I wish I could leave it, but we have to start making moves, or else we’re going to be left picking up pieces and we’ll never get a chance to get ahead,” she murmured. Biting her lip, she nodded, “I’ll do whatever I can to keep them out of the bulk of it. I know Rab needs time, and I can give him that. Nellie, we’re going to need her, but not in the thick of it. What we’ll need from her is a lot less risky and won’t draw any attention to her,” she promised. In all of this, Lily was mindful of how young some of their members really were. Nellie and Rab were just a year or two older than Ren, and she would do whatever she could to shield them the way she did him without taking them off the field. Following him, Lily nodded as she hopped up on the double sink, turning so that he could get into the shower. 

“Right, we can’t just break into Azkaban. It wouldn’t help to have Alastor and Suri living as fugitives, and frankly, it could result in more of our numbers being depleted due to being caught or worse. So I need you to get the evidence of the arrest, and hope to Merlin it hasn’t yet been destroyed. We need solid proof that it wasn’t legal or ethical. Once you get those to me, I’m going to have our members get them to the press. What we need is outrage, and I think we’ll get it. Alastor and Suri are still well respected in the community, they’ve done a lot of good for a lot of people, and the more middle ground supporters aren’t going to like that they were unlawfully arrested for mere suspicion. It’s going to back Rodolphus into a tight corner, the biggest thing that we need to be prepared for, is a fall guy on your end. I know that sounds bad, but if I was Rod I’d suspect a traitor, and you have to be ready to give him one,” she explained. Lily pushed her hand through her hair as she continued, “On our end, we’re going to make sure there’s no hang up in the legal process of getting them released once the ball gets rolling. I know this is a lot to put on you, which is why I’m asking in full seriousness, what do you need from me to make it happen?”

.

Remus lifted up a critical eyebrow at Lily and laughed when she amended her first statement.  “Honestly I wonder what deity I offended to be blessed with such a cadre of stubborn and generally reckless group of friends,” he said with a fond smile.  “At least you cut back on the reckless streak.  You’re the only one I can trust to not launch headfirst into danger without giving it a good think first.”  He chuckled softly under his breath.  "That’s true.  Thank you for being the only one that pretends to think about what I say before you do the opposite,“ he teased lightly.  He was glad he was still capable of it, to be honest, that the recent events in the world hadn’t stolen his sense of humor entirely. "I’m positive without us James and Sirius would be either dead, in prison, or the starts of some muggle reality television series.  Maybe all three at the same time.  They are overachievers when it comes to destruction,” Remus said with a fond sort of smile.  

Sometimes, not often, but every once and awhile, the fatalistic streak that seemed a inborn part of his personality was calmed, and Lily was the only one who could calm it.  He’d always been a private person, even before he had to deal with the pain and isolation of his lycanthropy.  He’d even confounded his mother, who loved him unconditionally.  But from their very first meeting, something in Remus had called out to something in Lily.  It was like that old story of the red string of fate, tying them together in some way. It was why it was so hard to actually run away when he knew deep down it would be better for everyone.  Everyone except Lily, really, who did need him, for whatever impossible reason.  He couldn’t allow himself to be the one that cut the thread between them.  It would be too much like dying.

“I suppose I’m just like that.  Like a parasite,” he teased, trying to belie the genuine emotion underneath.  Everything felt closer to the surface than Remus would have liked lately, and it was harder and harder to tamp them all down back into a box.  "I…please don’t say that.  Don’t protect me no matter what, Lily.  I can’t…I won’t exist in a world where you aren’t there with me.  Any of you.  So if the no matter what is your life, I refuse to accept it.“  As dark as it was, Remus felt sure that it would come down to that in the end, and he was already in some sort or mourning.  "I think the only given in life is that we come in and go out alone.  It’s all about what we can do while we’re still breathing.  At the very least I intend to keep breathing as long as possible.”

It was almost hard to stop himself from saying that Lily shouldn’t waste her time loving him, because it did seem a waste.  Not just because he didn’t deserve it, but because it seemed futile, something that could only cause harm to both of them. Love was brilliant but it hurt, and he wanted to come out of this the only one hurting.  But he still smiled at her and sighed softly, leaning close and closing his eyes.  “You know if I wasn’t a raging homosexual I would have swept you off your feet ages ago, and we would half become the ruling class for this society by the time we were twenty.  Such a pity, isn’t it?” he said softly.  “And such as it is, we have the odd misfortune to fall in love with such individuals that seem to want to end our lives with their special mix of passion and stupidity,” he said something in his expression both whimsical and sad.  "Of course.  And you know I’ll be right there with you, ever step of the way.  If anyone can get bad people to do the right thing, it’s you and that fantastic brain of yours.  I’ll just be the cynical angel on your shoulder, making sure you’ve thought of everything.“

_____

Grinning, Lily shook her head teasingly, “I dunno, but during my next tarot reading I’ll be sure to ask them for you. Maybe I’ll see if they could lighten up on the recklessness in your friend group,” she winked. Lily could pray to every deity in the world and she doubted it would change the reckless antics of their ever growing family. From the wild pranks they pulled in Hogwarts to diving head first into a war right out of it, they had always been touched with a little too much daring. Laughing, she nodded, “See, I was good. I cut back some, even if it’s just to think it through first before engaging,” she teased. Giving him a scandalized look, Lily croaked, “Oi, I don’t always do the opposite,” but the playfulness in her eyes gave her rousse away. “Okay, so sometimes I don’t listen, sue me,” she allowed, grinning some. A genuine laugh escaped her as she nodded, “Oh there’s no doubt in my mind about that. I do think they could have managed all three, but it’s best we don’t give them the chance to try,” she joked, fondly. 

Rolling her eyes, Lily nudged him, “You’re far from a parasite,” she argued gently. “It’s like you carry a piece of my heart wherever you go and I never quite feel whole without you around,” Lily admitted, giving him a soft shrug. Swallowing, Lily listened to him as he spoke about the cost, and she had a sick feeling of understanding. It was a nice sentiment, but Lily wasn’t sure she’d ever really want someone protecting her with their life. However, the idea of losing Remus made her feel cold and gutted. Lily wasn’t sure that she could make that promise, because in the moment, she knew that she would do whatever instinct told her to. However, seeing the seriousness on his face, Lily found she didn’t want to argue. She didn’t want to hurt him anymore than he was clearly already hurting by the idea. So instead, she squeezed his hand gently as she reassured, “Okay. I hear you. Just know, I’m going to everything else in my power to make sure it doesn’t get to that point.” Nodding, she gave him a small smile, “Good, that’s all I could ever really ask for,” she murmured. 

Loving people had always come naturally to Lily and she had never been any good at doing it in halves. She was an all or nothing kind of gal, and she loved fiercely, wholly, completely. Remus had fallen into that category early on, as well as the rest of the Marauders. At his words, she couldn’t help but laugh softly, putting her forehead against his, “It really is a pity, because we would have been a fantastic ruling class. I mean look at us, we’re the perfect team. You would have totally swept me off my feet,” she sighed. Smiling, she nodded, “We really did have to go and fall in love with two morons that live for causing trouble and raising our blood pressure,” she teased. Truthfully, Lily wouldn’t have it any other way. She and James had come together slowly, and then all at once, like the cliche of falling asleep. Having been best friends for so long, it was hard to tell just when their relationship changed, just when it became more, but once it had there was no going back, even if they didn’t put a name to it right away. They were just that, James and Lily. 

The same way Lily had expected that they would always just be the marauders. With Peter’s betrayal, she felt a hole in her heart. Her boys, she had always fondly referred to them as, and now one of them was gone. It made her sick to her stomach, and she tried hard not to focus on it for too long. Smiling at his words, she gave his hand a squeeze, “Well thank Merlin for that, because someone needs to be there making sure I don’t miss anything crucial. Where would I be without my right hand?” she asked, giving him a soft smile. Knowing that Remus was going to be right next to her throughout all of this gave her hope that maybe they could make this work. Lily bit her lip before she asked her next question, “About Peter, are you surprised? I can’t tell if you’re handling it better than the rest of us because you’re that good at pulling up a front or because it just doesn’t phase you.”

Narcissa always figured it should be more difficult to gain access to the Ministry of Magic. Granted, she wasn’t doing anything suspicious, just meeting up with Lily for a quick non-emergent lunch before she went into the lab for the next twelve hours. But, still. For her to just be able to waltz in, give her a badge that read ‘lunch meeting’ have them check her wand, and then let her roam free? It seemed highly inefficient and easily infiltrated – but, with the Wizengamot too busy repealing magical creature protection and trying to round up muggleborns like cattle, well, she supposed security at the guest entrance might not have been first on their list of priorities. 

She’d been in and out of the Ministry on more official business as of late, checking in with the Magical Research Committee and the Department of Magical Education in a half-hearted attempt to make headway on her book – mainly trying to see the standards that Hogwarts classes were still needing (and with the new Minister and his subordinates, Cissa didn’t really know what to expect). It also never hurt to have an ear in different places – not that she’d heard anything out of the ordinary. 

The young woman made her way up to the Auror office, afraid of having to physically drag Lily out to get the woman to take any form of a break. Even though they’d set the plan, she still never knew what to expect when she got there – new things always seemed to be cropping up in the office, and the mood from practically everyone in her circle had been less than cheery as of late. She knocked gingerly on the ajar door, popping her head in around the side, the traces of a smile on her lips. “I know I’m precisely right on time, but I can wait if you’re not quite ready to head out yet.”

@thefoxevans​

______

Going back to work had a distinctly bitter feeling to it with Alastor and Suri locked up in Azkaban. As a whole, the Auror department consisted of people that were either in the Order, now Rising, or swayed that way. So coming to work after the election that put two of their most respected co-workers in custody felt wholly uncomfortable. The justice system had clearly failed, and yet, here they were still trying to uphold it. Of course, Lily was in the process of getting them out, but it didn’t happen overnight, and she still had to show up to her job while she still had one. Alastor was part of the reason she had been given a department of her own to run, and that made it all the more bitter. The energy within the department had been not only low, but snappish as of late, and Lily couldn’t blame them. She was doing her best not to let it bleed into her interactions with her subordinates, but she was only human. 

Lately, it felt as if cases were piling up left and right. They had more missing persons than usual, and that set her teeth on edge. She wasn’t sure if it was a strictly Auror issue or if there was something for the Rising to be looking into as well. However, their resources were spread thin as it was, and Lily had yet to find a pattern that would make it Rising business. Alastor had always been good at spotting the difference, and without him here, Lily felt very much like she was floundering. However, she had stepped up, she had put herself in the leadership position, so she would continue holding it together as best as she humanly could. When their plan worked, because it had to work, they would have Alastor and Suri out of that dreadful place and back to work soon. 

With any luck, it would shift the department morale enough that they could actually feel an ounce of normalcy in all of this. 

Having a lunch date with Cissa in the midst of all of this was as necessary as anything else. Just because the world was falling to pieces didn’t mean she was going to start ignoring her people anytime soon. Lily needed these small moments to remind herself how to live, and frankly, they kept her from overworking herself beyond reason. If Cissa was coming for lunch, that meant Lily actually had to sit down long enough to eat a full meal and chat properly. Lily was just finishing up the last of the field reports she was reviewing when she heard the knock, and she gave Cissa a small smile, “You’re precisely on time, and I’m ready if you are. These will still be here when I come back, and they can wait until then,” she reassured. “Where to for lunch, luv. Somewhere local or somewhere off the beat?” she asked.

.

Ren’s head bobbed as he listened to Lily and he grinned faintly, imagining for a moment just how eager the healers and the rest of the St. Mungo’s staff were to rid themselves of the whole lot of them. It would be good though, once she was discharged. While it wouldn’t bring things magically back to normal, it would bring some semblance of order back to everyone’s life. They could all be together again and everything would feel a whole lot less…dire. “Good…that’ll be really good. For everyone.”

Ren’s smile then was a little less than a grin, a small uptick of the corner of his mouth as he tried to convey to Lily that he was truly fine. “I promise I’ll do my best to stay safe,” he swore to her, though it came with a signature younger-brother eyeroll. He had to lighten the mood somehow. 

The knowledge that Lily had a plan immediately eased Ren’s soul– he had felt so lost after everything, so unsure about what was going to become of all of them. “That sounds like a great start, Fox. What do you want me to do? I can go out right now, let me know and I’ll do it,” he told her quickly.

____

Nodding, Lily gave a hum, “It will be. Marls will rest better when she’s home anyways, so I’m going to see what it’ll take to get her sprung free sooner rather than later,” she admitted. With the various threats against them, Lily doubted that Marlene would get much rest while she was so exposed, even with all of them watching her back. Truthfully, Lily couldn’t blame her for that, and she would much rather have her home and safe where she could probably let her body heal. 

Seeing his eye roll, Lily couldn’t help but give him a small smile. He was trying to lighten the mood, she knew that, and it was working, even if just a little bit. Of course Ren was trying to make sure that she took a breath throughout all of this. Lily took his face in her hands and kissed the top of his head gently, “Good, that’s all I ever ask.” The idea of losing Ren terrified her still, but she knew she couldn’t keep him out of this war anymore than their parents could keep her from it. 

Wrapping her arms around him again, Lily just took a moment to reassure them both that things were going to be okay. “It is, and we’re going to get through this. We’ll get our people, we’ll keep each other safe, and we’ll figure out how to start undoing all of this one day at a time,” she murmured. Letting go of him, though not moving all that far, she continued, “We’ll talk about it once we’re in a secure location; I promise. I’m going to need your help, but at the minute, I need you to relax. There’s nothing we can do right this instant, so we need to keep a low profile and gather our people. Is there anyone we haven’t heard from that we should have?” she asked.

Alice smiled softly “We’re fine love,” she replied. “Neville has no idea what’s going on in the world, so he’s quite content, although he can certainly tell when I’m tense, he’s a very observant little thing,” she told her friend. “But well… “ she paused, because she really hated the subject, hated bringing him up, because, well it was all entirely complicated. But Lily and Edgar were the only people she was more truthful about it with. “I’m a little worried,” she admitted. “About… Frank” she reluctantly said. “I haven’t heard from him in days and… he checks in. He always checks in and… what with the attack on Bellatrix…” she trailed off. “I don’t know if he’s dead or alive right now and that’s… not a nice feeling,” she admitted. “But, all in all, we’re fine,” she added quickly. “Work is busy, and Neville is hitting all his milestones,” she said, pushing a smile onto her lips.

Alice listened to Lily as the curled into her arms, stroking her hair softly. “I’m not surprised at all,” she uttered. “I’ll grab some blankets and we can curl up on the sofa okay?” she murmured softly. The sound of relief left Alice’s lips at Lily’s next words and she muttered something in turkish; which was along the lines of thank god.

Alice moved to her liquor cabinet and bringing out a bottle of smooth whiskey. She pulled the top off, a satifying pop coming with the movement and placed it beside two glasses. “Ice?” she asked.

___

Smiling, Lily gave a soft nod, “‘Course he can, brilliant, observant, boy. He’s so much like you in that regard. You know how to read people like a book, and he’s sensitive to the emotions of people around them, how’s that for a match?” she responded fondly. Every time Lily looked at Neville, the flame in her core reignited with the reminder of why she was doing this. She wanted a better world for him, for every child that was going to grow up after them. Lily knew where her sentence was going before she could even finish the sentence, and she gave her a gentle, knowing look before responding, “I can’t imagine how stressful it must be. If it helps, I saw him very briefly at the ministry this evening before I left. So at the very least, he is in fact alive,” she offered, giving her a small smile. However, it was tight as she continued, “He was rather deep in the bottle and not necessarily celebrating. Going out on a limb, I’d say he’s probably not doing well, but he’s alive at the very least.” Despite the fact that Lily didn’t like Frank much at all, she knew he was important to Alice, and he was the father of her child, which made her polite at the minimum around her friend, and especially around her son. “I’m glad to hear work is going well though, and that Neville is hitting milestones, though I’m hardly surprised,” she smiled, gushing just a little bit. 

Being curled up in Alice’s arms felt a lot like being home, and she couldn’t imagine what she’d ever do without the other woman in her life. Ever since Hogwarts, Alice had become a staple in her life, and Lily found her presence to be one of the most comforting things in the world. “That sounds perfect,” she agreed. Pulling out of the hug, she made her way over to the couch, patting Neville’s head gently on the way. 

“Please,” she agreed, giving her a small smile. Lily was looking forward to feeling the warmth that came with the whiskey. Sitting on the couch, Lily allowed herself to truly relax her body for the first time since this whole thing started.

Eleanor smiled. “Your brother gives me hope that not all brothers are the worst,” She said with a small laugh. One day, if she had kids, she would make sure that they didn’t grow up with the dysfunction that she had grown up with. What her parents had done to her and Lucius was wrong, plain and simple, and she wouldn’t do the same to her own kids. It seemed like the entire Pureblood world was just shit, they could all take the money and their stupid beliefs and stay away from the rest of them in the real world. 

She felt a little bit guilty, complaining about her own brothers when Marlene’s had literally put her in the hospital. At least Lucius pretended that she didn’t exist. It was preferable. But Marlene’s…Marlene’s had tried to hurt her. Had put her in the hospital. “I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with him,” she whispered, shaking her head. “Sebastian. I mean I don’t know what’s wrong with mine either, but what he did….” she shook her head. “But oh, trust me. I know we’re going to beat them one day and I hold onto that always,” Eleanor smiled. It was going to happen. She was sure of it. “Make sure to tell her that, yeah? She probably needs to hear it.” 

It was reassuring, but she realized that she was just being a baby and she knew all along that Lily trusted her and thought that she was a good person. “I’m glad that i’m nothing like them. They live such sad lives,” She said, scrunching up her nose in distaste. She had never been the daughter that her mother wanted and Eleanor was okay with that. Eleanor gave Lily a faint smile. “One day…he’s going to wake up with nothing. I know my dad. He wanted nothing to do with him for years. If he’s doing this to impress him…it’s a mistake. My dad has Lucius, what’s he going to need with Peter? He always called him his bastard son. He’s not going to give him half the Malfoy fortune, he didn’t even want me to have it,” Eleanor mused, taking a sip of her coffee. “My dad and Lucius? They’re users. When they’re done with Peter they’ll toss him to the side. He’s a fool if he thinks that this is going to get him…whatever it is that he wants.” She nodded her head. “I hope he regrets it too. Means he’s a fraction of a better person than Lucius or my dad.”

___

At her words, Lily couldn’t help but grin. When she thought of Ren, she often thought of hope as well. If hope could be a person, it would very much be her little brother. “Yeah, he’s definitely proof that siblings aren’t the worst,” she murmured. Lily had been blessed with a second chance when it came to sibling relationships, and she didn’t take it for granted for a moment. While she didn’t remember much before becoming an Evans, she’d heard enough to know that her upbringing would have been a different kind of hell had her mother not left when she did. Knowing how much Petunia despised her, despite not knowing her, made her want to be the best big sister she could be. It also left her with a complex of adopting younger siblings that weren’t hers by blood but by deserved to have someone there for them. It had been a difficult line to straddle with Peter and Eleanor. Lily had brought it up to Peter once or twice that she didn’t agree with his standoff approach towards his sister, but it had fallen on deaf ears, and Lily hadn’t wanted to make waves. However, Lily had loved El from the start, especially given how close she and Ren were. So, taking Eleanor in as one of her own was as easy as breathing. 

Shaking her head, Lily gave a hum of agreement, “I don’t know either.” A startled laugh escaped her as El clarified, and she shook her head, “Honestly, I don’t have a clue either. I mean, I never would have expected for Sebastian to go this far, but I don’t know that Marlene is as surprised. There’s always been, well issues, there. Peter though - I don’t know what the fuck he’s thinking,” she admitted. “I can’t imagine ever having the will to hurt one of my siblings, blood related or not, so I don’t know what the hell is going through his twisted little mind, but he won’t get away with it,” Lily murmured. James had been his target, and perhaps that scared her more than anything. Sebastian resented his relationship with Marlene enough to go after him, and Lily couldn’t help but see red at the fact that he went after two people she loved most. Grabbing the younger girl’s hands, Lily gave them a tight squeeze, “We will. We absolutely will, and I’ll be sure to pass the reminder along to Marls when she’s up,” Lily promised. 

“Me too, luv. You’re so much more than they are,” she responded, giving her a warm smile. Eleanor had a heart that was bigger than anyone ever gave her credit for, and Lily saw it almost daily. Nodding, Lily gave a soft hum of satisfaction, “I hope so. I know that’s cruel, but Merlin, I’m so angry with him. I can’t imagine they’re offering anything worth throwing everyone he’s ever loved, ever cared for, aside to gain it. Even if they were to follow through, and I agree with you, I doubt either of them will, what’s all that power and all those riches worth if you’re alone?” she asked. It was a mindset that Lily couldn’t understand for the life of her, but it made her irrationally angry that Peter had chosen it over them. It felt a little too much like being abandoned by another sibling, and Lily felt an ache in her chest over it, despite not wanting to. “I’m sorry, El. I wish he would have been a better brother to you. He’s chosen wrong though, that much I know, and you do too. He’ll be left empty in the end, and if we’re lucky, he’ll be decent enough to be regretful of it,” she agreed.

.

Emma prided herself on being an extremely calm person. It was a necessity for the job; she couldn’t break no matter how much a suspect was attempting to rile her up. Losing her cool was not an option, not when she worked so closely and so often with those who had been through inexplicable trauma. It had become easy, letting words roll off her like she hadn’t even heard them. There were few people who would be successful. Unfortunately, it seemed, that even after ten years, Dominic Greengrass was still one of those people. 

She shouldn’t have threatened him, she certainly shouldn’t have threatened him in public. When she had approached him, truth be told, she’d had no idea where the conversation was going to go. Emma was a planner, and she felt bitter that her head had been clouded enough that that had gone out of the window. Her mind had been a litany of curses even as she’d brought him in. 

Now, they were in an interrogation room, and he was still just sat there. She was back in work now, in the room she had interviewed murderers, kidnappers, abusers. Losing her calm was even less of an option than it had been in the park, though she was struggling to put out of her mind just how ready she’d been to curse him. Emma Vanity liked silence, but right now, she felt as if she was drowning in it. The knock at the door was a much needed lungful of oxygen. She stood calmly, pretending this stranger hadn’t already seen her anger in full force. Not bothering with a redundant ‘stay here’, ( of course he would, where else would he go? ), she opened the door and closed it behind her. 

Part of her had known that Lily would be stood on the other side of it, but there was still a moment of worry. Her heels took her up to her boss’ height but she still felt smaller somehow. “Technically, Evans, I didn’t threaten him when he was a suspect. We were two perfect strangers an hour ago.” Her voice held its usual steadiness, but her grip on her wand tightened behind her back. “I have Dominic Greengrass in there. We have evidence to suggest he’s involved with the murder of the Collier family. I spoke to the sole survivor this morning. A ten year old.”

____

When Lily took over her own department, the most difficult aspect of her job was stepping into the role of a boss. Being a leader came naturally to her, but a boss had to make the hard calls and more often than not had to lay down and enforce rules even when they didn’t necessarily want to. In this case, Lily didn’t doubt that Emma had good reason to lose her cool, but she couldn’t have her detectives making threats no matter the circumstances. It wasn’t a good look for the department, but more importantly, it wasn’t good detective work. Lily knew all too well how dangerous that line of thinking became. Though she knew Emma wasn’t one of those Aurors, she couldn’t make exceptions lightly. 

Seeing Dominic Greengrass on the other side of the glass, Lily suddenly understood a little better why they were in this situation. Having been friends with the man back in Hogwarts, she could understand exactly how he could have managed to get under her skin. It was hard to see someone she cared about once so firmly change so drastically. She couldn’t imagine what Emma was going through. 

Now Lily walked the unfortunate line of deciding if Emma needed to be taken off the case or if she could keep a level head. Lily took a moment to familiarize herself with the case file, not wanting to be in the dark while she attempted to address this. Pushing her hand through her hair, she wished not for the first time that Alastor was here and that she could refer to him. He was a good sounding board in moments like these. Still, Lily had to trust her gut, and trust that she could do the job she had been entrusted to do. 

Raising an eyebrow, Lily held a firm gaze as she responded, “Now is not the time to be reaching for a technicality defense. You and I both know they rarely hold up on court anyways,” she reminded, allowing a little lightness in her voice. Shaking her head, Lily gave her a stern look, “Do not lie to me, Vanity. You and Dominic have never been strangers. Right now, I’m trying to determine if you’re in the right place to be heading this case now that he’s a suspect. I don’t want to pull you off it, but I can’t have you acting reckless and hiding things from me,” she warned, her words firm but kind. “Well that’s cause enough to bring him in and interrogate him. What strategy are you using?”

WHEN: Late evening, New Year’s Day WHERE: An Order Safe House WHO: Order Members

Alastor hadn’t planned on sticking around, though it’s not like one could blame the man. Two weeks was enough to make someone miss their bed, along with all the other comforts which comes with being in your own space. However, the usually appealing idea of an empty flat waiting for him seemed less than appealing. The silence other than the creaking of the old floorboards underneath his feet was usually a comfort, but at that moment Alastor was putting off going home as long as possible. It wasn’t too hard, really— there was enough people who had wanted to ask him how he was. He felt like he was a broken record player, and yet he still had no desire to go home.

Walking out of the entrance room he had been in for the past hour or so, the Auror found himself wandering into the library. Knowing every book that was on the shelves by heart it took Alastor no time at all to find his own personal copy of a book on runes. A good portion of the books on the shelves were ones Alastor had read and decided someone else could get good use out of. Just as he flipped open the cover the door opened, causing the man’s gaze to raise to the already retreating figure.

“You don’t have to leave on my account,” Alastor spoke briskly, eyes going back down to the book already. “The idea of company doesn’t put me off like it usually does today.” It was only a partial joke, but his lips turned up in a smile nonetheless.

___

As soon as Lily could leave the Ministry, she headed to the Rising safe house. She had spent the whole day trying to ensure that Alastor and Suri were smoothly reinstated back into the department, as well as that their release happened in a timely manner. Her phone had been on standby all day, ready to act if anything came up to hinder their release process. Mostly, she had been in the department finishing up more paperwork and more red tape than she’d ever wanted to deal with in a lifetime. However, it was worth it to be able to hold both their badges and reinstatement forms in their hands. 

“Good, because I’m actually here to see you. I was hoping I hadn’t missed you,” she admitted, giving him a soft smile. It hadn’t taken Lily long to find him once she’d finally gotten to the house. Finding him in the library was easy enough, and she’d been glad that he hadn’t gone straight home now that he was out. She wouldn’t have blamed him at all if he had, but she was grateful she didn’t have to go searching for him. 

“I’m glad to hear it. Hopefully, you’ll like my company even more when I give you these,” she smiled, holding out both his badge and the reinstatement papers. “They just need your signature. Everything else is already sorted out, for both you and Suri,” Lily explained.