amy on the internet

stop. analyse that text through the lens of its author's intentions and original historical context. okay now take the author out back and kill them dead and analyse that text as though it were published by your mutual yesterday and is in direct conversation with the contemporary discourse that's most relevant to your life. okay now pick your favorite angle of interpretation and come up with the strongest possible argument against it. now imagine that the text is your best friend and that it means you well and that you naturally give it every benefit of the doubt because you're on its side and you want the best for it. now imagine that the text wants you dead and it'll eat you if you don't eat it first. now pretend that you found this text locked away in a cave with no evidence of when or where it came from and you have to divine its meaning solely through its internal coherence and nothing else. okay now address the elephant in the room aspect of the text you've been ignoring because you find it boring or confusing or uncomfortable and become the number one expert on it. now spend forty minutes assigning all the characters dnd classes with at least three sentences of reasoning each. okay now do the cha cha slide.

if the damn daniel cannot break the eggs shell it will die without being born. We are the damn daniel. The world is our egg. If we don't crack the worlds shell we will die without being born. Smash the worlds shell! Lay 1000 damn daniel eggs!!!

The Ancient Civilization

The Ancient Ruins

The Ancient Artifact

i really hate 'power of love' stories not because i'm a jaded cynic or whatever but because i always find something deeply offputting and misanthropic in how they are almost always set up in a way that implies that the protagonist is the only person in the world capable of love

for your story to hinge on "our protagonist's love is powerful enough to conquer all the evils of the world" you kind of have to implicitly make the backdrop "everyone else's love is garbage, just trash, philosophical zombies the lot of them"

One thing I love about Mobile Suit Gundam Char's Counterattack is that it ends with love causing a miracle that prevents absolute disaster and for a moment that love can conquer all, but then we hard cut to the fact that the miracle didn't stop the Earth Federation's descent into fascism or Earth's rampant poverty and environmental destruction. Love is presented as the most powerful force there is, immediately before we are assured that it Will Not Save Us uncontextualized

There was a time Scott "Dilbert Guy" Adams was seen as a "smart" public figure & somehow this was the same time he was publishing books where he talked about his belief in the Law of Attraction, advanced alternate theories of gravity, and created a inedible Dilbert-themed vegan burrito that contained every important vitamin & mineral since that makes it The Most Healthy Food & incomprehensibly branded it "the blue jeans of food" (since "everyone likes" & "almost everyone wears" blue jeans, just like how everyone would like & eat a Dilbert-themed undifferentiated lump of minerals that would destroy your guts if you so much as smelled it)

RIP to the Dilbert guy, creator of the Dilberito, who spent his last days begging Donald Trump to let him try a fake treatment and declaring his intent to convert to Christianity at the last minute bc of Pascal's Wager

Hey man, I saw your living weapon staring at its reflection. You might wanna get that looked at

Yeah, your emotionless tool of destruction is beginning to develop a sense of self. Probably nothing to worry ‘bout though

How To Love Your New Friend Without Being Overbearing

I'm Gonna Eat Her I Think

imagine cloth mother and wire mother in family court competing for custody of the baby monkey

I Have Softness For You

i have milk for you

Stop.

Cut the baby monkey in half

i need to reread the new testament so bad so i can understand Paul so i can understand all of western philosophy

My pussy barks